Older than Twitter. Not quite as profitable. A pro wrestling counterfactual: What if the World Wrestling Federation was organized around workrate, around the idea that the pivotal word in the phrase "sports entertainment" is the first? Can one Ricky Steamboat pinfall put right what once went wrong? Go to the earliest archived post; scroll to December 19, 2005 "it begins" and you're ready to roll.
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Triple H, October 2011:
“When I grew up, I hated Hogan. I thought he was terrible and didn’t like to watch him. I was like Punk in a way. I liked the Steamboats and Flairs and the ones that could go. Would I be right in saying that Hogan was the wrong guy to go with, and they should’ve changed directions and gone with Steamboat because he was the better wrestler? Ludicrous.” - Triple H. October, 2011.
Showing posts with label TLC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TLC. Show all posts
Royal Rumble 2003
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Survivor Series is here
Royal Rumble 2003 (Boston)
(Dark – Noble d. Spanky)
-Spanky hasn’t worked TV yet, he and Paul London are going to come in as Michaels’s protégées. They’ll debut after Mania. We’ll talk about them then.
Paul’s busy tonight – so it’s just JR and Taz.
1. TLC 4: Hardys (w/Bischoff) d. Dudleys (w/Paul E) d. E and C (w/Trish)
Our best ever opening tag match. This is a big stretcher-fest, the ambulances are in the back, paramedics everywhere – stretchers at ringside – as the clear promise was that everyone was going on on their backs. I want the ring surrounded by stretchers.
Jeff is the most badly hurt, this is gonna wrap him up in the Counterfactual, so they sell the severity of his injury. This is Edge’s last show before his neck surgery, he’s gonna be out over a year, so he gets carted away. The Counterfactual takes the Dudleys off the canvas, just because they don’t fit right now, they can go work Smackdown, but they’re off PPV. I’m gonna use the opportunity to bench Christian, he doesn’t work PPV until Survivor Series, so they’re taking him off the canvas too, he’s gonna sell injuries from this match. So everyone can get brutally hurt, lots of blood and broken things. 5 stretcher jobs. Everyone but Matt Hardy.
Bischoff gets involved, tipping over a ladder as a Dudley was about to win, Heyman and Bischoff then throw punches on the outside.
Matt’s the only survivor of the feud and we sell that as he’s going to get a high profile singles feud coming out of this (before he goes down with injury.) So, we clap for Matt and for the totality of the violent feud. Matt stands alone in the ring as the other five guys do a stretcher job, we put over that it is really over now – the greatest tag team feud ever, years of 2 and 3 way battles – comes to an end with only one survivor – Matt Hardy.
Matt and Bischoff wind up as the last two in the ring – Bischoff excited – Matt holding whatever thing he had to grab to win – hopefully, the dynamic of Matt’s unease with Bischoff is clear.
2. Leviathan (w/Flair) d. Stevie/Spike
Just an insight into the thought process, I don’t know if I’m ever gonna really push Batista, it’ll be a matter of numbers, but the guy can work a little bit (although not in 2003) and since he’s getting the real world push, he’s gonna be around awhile. So, he’s been protected in the counterfactual. Contrast that with Orton and Cena, for example, who haven’t been used yet. They will be, but as of right now they won’t get pushed. Stevie’s a better worker, and probably always will be – but Stevie doesn’t get used, whereas, I know I have Leviathan, who is really just a generic monster, like Sid, but a better wrestler. Contrast that with Brock, who was a really good wrestler – hence his big push.
So, Flair steps off the apron before the match starts – which surprises Leviathan and everyone else. Flair waves the big man on – for a second, we wonder if Flair is turning on him, but no – this is Flair playing trainer. Angle got to play trainer. Michaels is about to play trainer. Just is Flair’s turn. All about passing the torch to a new generation. He smiles broadly, cheering for the big man as Leviathan makes quick work in the handicap match. Demon Bombs all around. The announce is impressed by the big man. He’s a freaky monster!
3. Chavo (w/Leviathan and Flair) d. Tajiri
And now Chavo. Chavo comes to the ring where Leviathan and Flair remain after their match – he tells them to watch, watch, watch – he’ll prove himself again. It’s a terrific match, Chavo goes over, the three men stomp Tajiri out. Chavo holds up the four fingers – but Flair and Leviathan shake their heads no – Flair says not yet – almost, almost Horseman material – but not yet Chavo. More to do. More to prove yourself. Chavo, hotheaded, young, classic little brother syndrome behind Eddy think real world Owen’s character in relation to Bret, the brattiness, the jealousy. Except Chavo isn’t a brat, he doesn’t pout, he proves himself by being extra dangerous, taking more bump than he needs to take, dishing out more dirty punishment, he’s a SpreeKiller at heart, he just wants to take a lot of speed and beat on someone. But now he uses that same underlying dissatisfaction to try to prove to Eddy…to prove to Flair, who is everyone’s daddy after all, that he belongs with them – I’m an elite wrestler too his actions are crying out. Love me. Love me! That’s who Chavo is.
4. Lance (w/Stacy) d. Regal
Yeah, I screwed Regal, had to use him as enhancement after they gave him the IC early on, but I just never got to use him consistently enough. In 2005, I’ll get him a little bit. Regal leaves PPV for awhile after here. Lance with the half crab tap out, we get all the Lance/Stacy stuff – they’re very excited – we follow them to the back where, caught up in the moment and thinking they’re alone, they have their first kiss.
They just couldn’t hold back the passion anymore. It just spills out. Soapy.
The kiss, of course, is seen by Jericho, who is up next, and went to congratulate Lance and see if Stacy would go to the ring with him.
Instead, he sees the kiss, and his heart breaks.
Jericho’s too stunned to speak – Lance and Stacy see him and feel terribly and try to apologize, but there’s no time, Jericho’s music hits – and he has to go. He’s open mouthed, shocked, and just backs away.
5. Jericho d. Brock (w/Angle) (DQ)
Bad guy for Jericho to meet now. He enters in a daze, he doesn’t do his Jericho “break the walls down” pose, no emotion, no fire, and he’s going to meet Brock Lesnar.
And Brock takes him apart. Eventually, we get the angry babyface comeback where Jericho takes it out on Brock, you know, Jericho snaps into place, his wrestling instinct takes over, he’s a motherfucking Hart, for Chrissakes – and for the first time in Brock’s career, he’s bloodied up.
But that just sets Brock off – Brock gets frustrated and goes chairshot crazy on Jericho – blasting him into tomorrow and then F5ing him on the chair. Then doing it again. Then doing it again. That’s your DQ. Jericho’s busted wide open, lying motionless on the chair as Brock draws the DQ.
Brock laughs, grabs some of Jericho’s blood and smears the letters Y2J on his chest. Brock paints himself with Jericho’s own blood.
That’s enough for Angle. He’s largely been watching passively, seeing more of what Brock does, really taking in the crowd reaction, but he hasn’t interfered at all in any direction – he’s just watched. But as Brock paints himself with Jericho’s blood to the shocked boos of the crowd, Angle gets in the ring and finally pulls Brock away – Angle yells at Brock, telling him this just isn’t right and Brock shoves him away.
You don’t just shove Kurt Angle – he pauses for a second – and then he shoves right back at Brock. Brock fires back, takes shots at Angle. Angle moves Brock into a hammerlock, yelling that he won’t hit Brock. Brock escapes the hold, takes more shots, Angle again moves Brock into a hold, telling him to stop it, telling him they’ll work it out, telling him it’s not too late, it’s not too late – Brock escapes the hold, clotheslines Angle, then F5s him.
Brock spits on Angle, tells him that it is too late. And leaves.
Lance and Stacy come to the ring. Both trying to see how Jericho is – Jericho is a bloody mess, and as Lance and Stacy revive him, he remembers what has happened and lunges at Lance, but the blood loss causes him to slip and fall. Jericho continues to try to stand, to get at Lance, who has the guiltiest look he can muster, but each time he rises he falls again in his own blood. Lance and Stacy are both clearly upset, there’s no heel turn, the heart wants what it wants (although they get booed, obviously) and Jericho is left in the ring, bloody, broken, battered. Jericho and Angle in the ring together, both bloodied, betrayed, broken hearted. Storytelling~
6. Unified Tags: Haas/Benjamin d. Benoit/Guerrero (w/Horsemen)
Angle doesn’t come with them, obviously, breaking his promise. ‘Member, the promise to come to the ring no matter what? They are more pissed than disappointed. Haas and Benjamin not helping as Angle is being helped to the back while they wait to be introduced – they watch him go by, and they shake their heads as come out alone.
The other team…Eddy and Chris ask Flair/Leviathan/Chavo to leave before the match starts, ‘cause they want the wrestling challenge clean. As part of the buildup, they show how Benoit and Eddy are impressed with the amateur credentials of the kids, and so they can’t wait for chance to face them straight up.
Shockingly, Team Angle goes over clean, in the big upset, Benjamin pins Benoit with the exploder suplex. It’s a shocker, as the two world champions lose to the two rookies. Great match, crowd goes bananas. There’s a four man nose to nose after the match – and Benoit and Eddy extend their hands to the kids…
…the Horsemen, and Chavo, run in – they beat Haas and Benjamin down. Beat, beat, beat, beat --- Eddy and Chris try to pull them off – nope, beat, beat, beat beat….Eddy is torn…but joins in…beat, beat, beat, beat…..
And Benoit turns face. German to Leviathan. German to Flair. German to Chavo. Pause….Pause….German to Eddy. Big pop!
The Horsemen exit up the aisle, jawing at Benoit, as they disappear – Benoit and Eddy have a lingering stare, what’s in Eddy’s mind, doubt? Betrayal? Does he wish he had the ability to stand up to his heelish nature – or does he think Benoit sold out? He and Benoit have a lingering stare (note, Lance/Jericho, Angle/Brock, Benoit/Eddy, three different types of betrayal. I enjoy the levels) and Benoit remains in the ring, helping up Haas and Benjamin and getting the face pop.
7. Worldwide Titles: Mysterio d. RVD (w/Paul E)
Little Rey wins his first ever WWF belt, grabbing the IC from Van Dam. It’s a lights out high flying match. Rey slips the Van Daminator, Paul E and RVD collide with the chair – Rey with the hurricanarana roll up for the fall. Little Rey! We pop for the diminutive Mexican after the terrific workrate match.
8. Undisputed World Championship: Angle d. HBK
He’s Kurt Angle after all.
It’s all drama, the Triple Crown winner, Shawn Michaels trying one more time – maybe one last time – to win the WWF Title – Kurt Angle, besieged on all sides, still unbeaten, WWF Champion nearly two years. Angle is still injured from the Lesnar attack, he moves slowly, uncertainly, his back seems to be a problem, perhaps his neck, he’s clearly not right. Michaels, of course, wrestles with his own bad back, but his confidence grows as he sees that Angle is not 100%, and Michaels, the veteran, the champion, begins to take advantage, he seizes opportunities, he takes advantage – who knows if Shawn Michaels will ever – ever have this spot again – and he wrestles like it’s his last ever show.
Every second is dramatic, Angle kicks out of the top rope elbow, Michaels kicks out of the Angle Slam. Angle kicks out after a superkick. Michales gets to the ropes when placed in the ankle lock.
Angle eventually gets the submission win, Michaels hangs in the ankle lock as long as he could but then taps. Incidentally, I wrote that before their Mania match. Just saying.
No boos for Angle as he tries to make his way to the buckle with his belts, both because he finally did something to stop Brock and because of the quality of the match – but Angle can’t accept the cheers or boos anyway, he’s too tired to make his way up the buckles in his traditional postmatch celebration, he can’t even lift the belts over his head in triumph. An exhausted Angle slumps over.
…and he’s attacked by Brock. Brock pounds away, Angle totally defenseless. Angle exhausted, and still won’t throw a punch at his protégée. Michaels now has recovered, and yanks Brock off Angle and sets up for a superkick.
But Brock slips it – and Michaels catches Angle flush as he was just getting to his feet.
Brock then gets the advantage on Michaels, Brock pounding away at Michaels.
Save by a returning HHH.
Hunter returns, good pop. Hunter and Michaels battle Brock, getting the advantage. Hunter and Michaels doubleteaming Lesnar down.
Angle awakes. Angle, perhaps drawn by instinct, or perhaps realizing only that it was Michaels who superkicked him – comes in on Brock’s side.
Angle goes in on his protégées side, he and Brock fight Michaels and HHH – run in by Haas and Benjamin – the new tag champs – they go in with the full Team Angle and it’s a four on two that drives Hunter and HBK from the ring. Team Angle reunites!
Angle takes the mic….Angle exhausted, bloody, but trying to be the trainer, trying to fix it, trying to be the wrestling coach until the end. Angle talking to his boys…he says they’ve been through a lot together…the TV show, the training, ups and downs – and tonight, he and Brock even fought each other, which he can’t believe ever happened. He’s sorry. He takes full responsibility. He’s been hung up on his own stuff, on his belts, on his unbeaten streak, and wasn’t taking care of his students. He’s very sorry. A little tear would be good.
“But look where we are at the end of the night – Charlie and Shelton – you beat two of the greatest wrestlers who ever lived. I couldn’t be more proud. And Brock – you might be the most dominant athlete in all the WWF. And when we needed to – when we had to come together – we did. And why? Because we’re Team Angle. We are Team Angle.”
The people boo. Kurt says don’t listen. Don’t listen.
Brock takes the mic. “Kurt, thanks for all the training, thanks for helping us get into the WWF, it’s meant a lot to all of us. And I’m sorry for how I acted. Really, really I am. And I could change. Really, really, I could, Kurt.
But I ain’t gonna. And the thing of it is, Kurt. The only thing I’m sorry for, is not kicking you to the curb six months earlier. And when you say don’t listen to these fans….I never have. And I stopped listening to you a long time ago, Kurt.
Make that…we stopped listening to you a long time ago, Kurt.
Because we aren’t Team Angle anymore.
We’re Team Lesnar.”
Brock, Haas, and Benjamin all turn on Angle – totally taking him apart. Triple teams, F5s – they leave him completely battered in the middle of the ring. Haas and Benjamin are less evil than very disappointed – they clearly needed Kurt, he let them down, so they took the next best offer. They are hurt as they attack Angle – whereas, Lesnar’s just enjoying the hell out of himself. Lesnar almost giggling as he busts Angle open. Lesnar starts waving up the aisle, as if waving for someone to come save Kurt.
But who would do that?
Nobody comes, which is Lesnar’s point, he’s mocking Kurt, mocking the fans, mocking the Undisputed Champion as he takes the WWF title and drops it atop Angle’s body as the show ends.
Wrestlemania XIX is coming from Seattle.
We’re gonna have a legend’s match. Hogan returns, calls out the Dead Man and says they’re gonna have the tiebreaking match. It’s 4-4 – and one of them is about to be called the All Time Wrestlemania Legend.
Undertaker enters.
Undertaker and Hogan go nose to nose – fans pop for the old men. Kane and PAUL~ come to the ring. Undertaker says – or, maybe we don’t have to wait for XIX – maybe we kick your ass right now.
So they do.
At some later point, Hogan comes back and calls DMW out. They say didn’t he get enough the last time? Hogan says he wanted to do a singles Legend’s Match at XIX – but there’s nothing that says it can’t be a tag. So if the Dead Man and his Dead Friends want some at XIX – he can do that, brother.
Undertaker says it looks like you’ve lost it in your old age, Hogan. There’s three of us, but only one of you.
Hogan says at Mania, brother, at Mania, whatchu gonna do when Hulk Hogan and his partner…..
….Rowdy Roddy Piper….
Run wild on you.
Piper didn’t do any TV here, so we’re stuck with clips – ideally, he’d do a promo, but we don’t have that.
And that’s how you use these guys. Bottom of the card, bring in that segment of the buying public.
Also doing the high profile return at XIX – the Rock.
We’re gonna get “I’m From Hollywood” with the Rock. They turn him during ordinary puff pieces showing him on Conan or at an awards show or a premiere – and he big times some wrestling fans. “I loved the Nation of Domination, Rock!” – Rock says, “Wrestling – aw, that was a hundred years ago – now, what you should love is the Scorpion King – go to Blockbuster, it’s 22.95.” He charges for autographs, says he’s too busy for wrestling questions, ‘cause he wants to talk about his acting “process.” He’s pretentious, forgot his roots, acting guy.
That kinda thing.
So, finally the Rock returns – and he does his Andy Kauffman schtick he did for awhile. Sunglasses, expensive suits, Rock’s got no time for the little people, Rock says this – if you want to see the Rock – you got to pay the Rock. “Rock – please come to Wrestlemania. Rock – we want to see you in a Legend’s Match again.”
“The Rock says this, the Rock says there isn’t anyone in the locker room worth bruising the Rock’s knuckles on. The Rock’s fought Brendan Fraser – you think now the Rock should go one…on one…with Tommy Dreamer?”
“The Rock says this, In Hollywood, the way you get parts is to audition – so over the next 6 weeks, the Rock will go one on one with whatever jabroni comes through that curtain – if any of them can last ten minutes with the Rock – then he will have the privilege of losing to me in the Legends Match at Wrestlemania.”
Yeah, we’re doing two Legends Matches. Wanna make something of it?
So, 6 weeks….week one….Spanky.
As mentioned, Spanky’s one of the Michaels trainees (Angle has trainees, Flair, etc..) this is his TV debut. He’s a pretty boy junior, a high flyer, really good – babyface type. He’s wearing a Texas Wrestling Academy t-shirt. We learn he’s a Shawn Michaels trainee. He’s Spanky. Rock makes fun of him. Rock wins in 8 minutes. Spanky will work dark again at Mania.
Week two…DLo Brown. Hi, DLo! DLo, gone for a couple of years, returns for the chance to kick the Rock’s ass. We do the back and forth with the old Nation members, some good nostalgia – and then the Rock wins in 8:30.
Week three…Dreamer. Tommy’s got a cane, says can Brendan Fraser do this – and he levels the Rock with the cane – the Rock recovers though and gets the fall in 7 minutes.
Week four…Morley. Morley says he’s never liked bullies and the Rock comes here with his two thousand dollar suits thinking he can order everyone around, well Ulysses S. Morley says that he’s gonna kick the Rock’s candy ass.
Rock in nine minutes.
Week five – Helms. Helms attacks the Rock as he goes out to the ring – Helms works the Rock over – but is pinned in 9:30. Helms is attacked after the match by Rhyno and Shannon Moore, his old NWA partner, debuting in the WWF. Rhyno and Moore are shirtless, with the grafitti scrawled over their bodies, in classic SpreeKiller fashion. The idea would be that they’re taking the gimmick away from Helms. It’s a fight over the SpreeKiller name. Moore says the SpreeKillers were his idea, they’re his life – and Helms got hired by the WWF and ripped him off. Well, now he and Rhyno are the real SpreeKillers.
Week six. Booker. Booker says he only wrestles when he gots to get paid – and there ain’t no payday like beating the Rock at Wrestlemania payday – if you smell what the Book is bakin’. Whenever Book’s on TV, he gives a fan money to do a chore, carry something, shine something, take Book to the club after the match. Book pays fans money! See, ‘cause normally, a fan would pay to carry a wrestler’s robe, Book says, nah, Brothers gots to Gets Paid! So he’ll peel off a 20, and the fan brings him a soda.
Rock pins him in 9:59. So, so, so close.
Rock says no one could cut it – no one passed the audition – there’s no one in this company who can hang with the Scorpion King.
So, ciao, baby dolls.
Glass breaks. Austin.
Austin to the ring. Doesn’t speak, doesn’t break stride. Stunner. Pinfall. Referee counts. 1-2-3. Austin says “See you in Seattle, Scorpion King.” Then throws the mic down and leaves. Just that simple.
So, we’re gonna get Rock/Austin – two legends matches at Mania!
How about 3 hot workrate based matches?
Matt won the right to go to Mania when the Hardys won the last TLC – but Jeff is in no condition to wrestle (carny for, he’s really high all of the time) but that doesn’t mean Matt Hardy isn’t going to Wrestlemania! Bischoff gets him a singles match. Bischoff explains that Matt’s been here nearly a decade, since he was a kid carrying Shawn Michaels’s bags, and somehow, in all that time, he’s never had a singles match on PPV. But there’s a guy who walked in off the street – out of a bingo hall, and got a shot at the WWF Title. Somehow, he’s already had 2 singles belts. 2? Matt Hardy has been here nearly a decade, he’s never gotten one.
How long is the WWF gonna screw Matt Hardy, Bischoff says.
Edge. Gone. Christian. Gone. Those crappy Dudley Boys. Gone.
Matt Hardy’s going to Wrestlemania – and he’s calling out Rob…Van….Dam…
RVD and Paul E enter. Paul says that’s sweet – and he’s never wanted to discourage a young man from pursuing his dreams, but Matt’s always been, you know, the other guy in the Hardy Boys. It would be like Marty Jannetty challenging RVD and that’s not a very appealing matchup – so, thanks for the offer, but, we’ll pass.
This riles Matt up, and eventually they make their way to the match.
What we have here is babyface with heel manager. But Bischoff’s wearing Matt down.
And Paul E’s still a heel, although he hates Bischoff, so there is certainly a babyface pop for him on occasion.
One RAW, as Paul continues to denigrate Matt’s ability, Bischoff’s worked him to a point that Matt attacks Van Dam. Can Matt prove himself as a single? Big stage, big opponent. Can Matt step up, handle the pressure – or should he go find himself another tag partner. Like that.
We’re gonna get Jericho/Lance, obviously.
Loser Leaves Town. Jericho doesn’t clown at all – he’s heartbroken and edgy. He doesn’t give them an inch – says Stacy’s just a slut, even if she does have 42 inch legs, but Lance, you and I were supposed to be brothers. We were carrying on the legacy of the Hart Foundation – and you gave all that up, Lance, you gave all that up for a piece of ass.
Lance only gets hot at Jericho when he insults Stacy – he says nothing happened – I fell in love with her, but we didn’t act on it – and now she’s gone – isn’t that enough for you, Chris?
Jericho says nope – I want you gone too. This is my house. I am the Hart Foundation now.
Lance says he can’t do that – this is the only place he ever wanted to be – he knows he screwed up and he’s sorry – but he’s not leaving.
Jericho says then he’s gonna make him.
So – they do the full on war up to Mania – and at Mania, it’s a Loser leaves town.
Neither man has turned – it’s not a Lance/Stacy turn – it was just a mistake – but Jericho won’t here it and cuts vicious, withering promos on both. Stacy’s a no talent piece of ass – Lance would still be pumping gas in Calgary if not for him. Jericho’s mean, angry, hurt. Betrayed.
And we also have…Benoit/Guerrero. Whew. Wrestlemania, daddy.
We now get the up close and personal face treatment for Benoit now. Calgary, Dynamite Kid, Stu, Japan, ECW, NWA, the Alliance, we reveal for the first time that he had spinal surgery when he was out a year, we show the footage, talk to doctors, we talk about the Horsemen – when Flair called him personally and said he had a way for him to get back in the WWF – he jumped. He respects Flair, he was a Horseman in NWA – and he would have done anything to get back in. But it wasn’t what he wanted – he had changed somewhere – he remembered something Chris Jericho said to him when they were feuding over the WWF Title – that he was a Hart – that by coming back to the WWF – he was coming home.
So, here comes the Benoit face run. He embraces the Hart legacy and takes his rightful spot as that guy.
They promo Eddy and Benoit. Eddy telling Benoit he betrayed him, he betrayed Ric, he betrayed my nephew Chavo. Benoit telling Eddy he didn’t come back after a year with a broken neck to walk behind Ric Flair. Chris Benoit wasn’t the WWF Champion because of the Alliance, Chris Benoit was WWF Champion because of Chris Benoit – and if Eddy had any cajones, he’d tell the Horsemen where they could go and fight him one on one like a man.
Eddy will have Flair and Leviathan and Chavo in his corner. Eddy has an ambivalence, but he doesn’t play it – instead they are full on heel, Benoit’s a traitor, that’s all Eddy sees, and in their first ever WWF match – Eddy’s gonna take Benoit out. We’ll do a spot where Eddy goes over someone and the Horsemen interfere to aid – Eddy cuts a promo saying all his career, he’s had to walk behind Chris Benoit – he’s had to hear that he was a great wrestler – but not as great as Benoit – at Wrestlemania – Eddy has to prove that he’s every bit the wrestler than Chris Benoit is – and he has to do it by himself.
So, Eddy is a Horseman – and if the Horsemen want to come to the ring, that’s fine, but Eddy has to beat Benoit by himself. After the match, we will cut him to pieces – but during the match, it’s just got to me. The rest agree, continually selling how Benoit sold them out, how Benoit always has to be the man, how Benoit couldn’t stand that Eddy was showing him up. And if we’re paying attention, we see that Chavo’s manipulation of his Uncle is canny, that when Chavo says, “you know, Uncle Eddy, what it’s like to be the better man, but always have to be seen as second best” that he’s not really talking about Chris and Eddy, he’s talking about Eddy and himself. Eddy doesn’t see that Chavo is playing jealous little brother, as he’s locked in on playing angry little brother to Benoit, while Benoit is really playing coming into his own little brother to Flair by leaving the Horsemen.
Levels. Many, many levels.
Seriously, wouldn’t that be enough? Eddy v Benoit, Y2J v Lance in the loser leaves town, RVD v. Matt with Heyman and Bischoff, Rock v. freaking Steve Austin and Hogan/Piper taking on DMW, the all time legend;s record on the line? You’d buy just that freaking card, wouldn’t you, Chico? I know you would. That’s your Wrestlemania money right there.
But we got title matches too. 3 of them.
The tags….the kids, Team Lesnar: Haas and Benjamin defend against the two guys they attacked at the end of the Rumble, HBK and HHH. Michaels and Hunter do the veteran thing – Michaels won the tag title with Marty 14 years ago – and it all comes full circle here. Now he’s the veteran – and with his best friend HHH (who has never won a belt, so he plays that angle) they’re up against these hotshot kids – who won everyone over and then went heel. Haas and Benjamin now run with Brock – sure, they turned because Kurt liked Brock more than them – but who they turned to was Brock, which only makes sense if you squint.
The three of them attack the Clique during one RAW – and returning to make the face save….Nash. Nash? Fuck you, Big Daddy Cool is back.
Gone a year – Nash cleans house with the big boot – he’ll be in the Clique corner for the title match.
Rey’s got the IC…and he’s defending against the Evil Horseman Chavo. Chavo attacks Rey at every chance, as do Flair and Leviathan. It’s a high flying match, and the long Chavo push pays off as he’s in the secondary title match on the biggest show of the year. Chavo’s gonna prove himself at Wrestlemania by winning the Worldwide belts from Little Rey.
And there’s the big, big main event.
Angle disappears for a couple/three weeks after the Rumble – where is he – where’s the WWF Champion – Wrestlemania is coming, what will we do?
He comes back unannounced, wearing a suit.
Angle is subdued when he says he has some video to show us.
It’s Angle, hospital, doctor shows X-rays, says Angle’s rebroken his neck, says Angle must retire – if Angle steps foot in the ring again, he risks paralysis.
Which, of course, is all true. It’s a shoot, daddy. It’s a damn shoot.
Crowd is stunned. Announce is stunned. Angle, tear in his eye, says he’s looking around for another opinion, for some type of treatment, but right now, it sort of looks like he has to retire.
…but not before Wrestlemania.
Angle says Bret Hart was WWF Champion 2 straight years, no one’s ever done it more in the modern era – “when I was wrestling amateurs, there weren’t a lot of wrestlers who I watched – but the one guy I watched was Bret Hart. He went two years. So, I’m going two years and one day. I’m going two years and one day. I won a gold medal with a broken neck. I’m going two years and one day if it kills me.
I’m going to go to Wrestlemania – I met with the TitanTrust this morning, I signed away all claims against the WWF if I get hurt – I’m going to Wrestlemania – and I’m going to win – and then the next night, I will walk to this ring…
..Angle gets choked up…
…and I will give up my Undisputed Championship and retire undefeated.”
Hit Brock’s music.
Brock comes to the ring – smirking, shaking his head – Brock says, “no, no no – you think you’re gonna get out of here without standing across the ring from me? For years I’ve waited for this, Kurt. When I was a kid wrestling – I heard all about the great Kurt Angle, won gold medals with a broken neck, when you were training me at Camp Angle – I couldn’t wait for the day when I could snap you in half – to take all that crap – all that training – all that advice without just laying you out. It was all I could do not to laugh right in your face, little man.
And now you think you’re gonna quit without getting on the mat with me? Not gonna happen Kurt – no way I’m gonna let that happen.”
Angle says “you’re right, it’s not going to happen.
When I said I was going to Wrestlemania so I could hold the WWF title two straight years, I left something out.
I’m going to Wrestlemania to do something I should have done a long time ago, Brock.
I’m going to Wrestlemania to kick your ass.”
And we do the nose to nose.
So, that’s the show. Angle, with the broken neck, defending against Lesnar (I think the first Mania where we duplicated the main event) Rey v. Chavo for the Worldwide, Team Lesnar against the Clique for the tags, Eddy meets Benoit at Wrestlemania, Lance v. Y2J in the soapy loser leaves town , RVD v. Matt, Austin v. Rock, Hogan/Piper v. DMW.
You love me a little bit, don’t you? Just a little?
Yup. Buy it.
Hennig’s died in this stretch, so they devote a show to him in this stretch – clips, interviews, and they show his Survivor Series WWF Title win over Savage.
Wrestlemania 19!
Wrestlemania XVIII 2002
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
The Rumble is here.
Wrestlemania XVIII 2002 Toronto
(Dark: Brock Lesnar d. Haas/Benjamin)
Vince appears on the Titan Tron. Hi, Vince!
Vince appears to be in some type of convalescent home, presumably there since his attack by PAUL and Kane one year previous. Vince is no longer in the rags, now is in institutional garb, and in a very soft spoken fashion welcomes the great fans of Canada, where the WWF has always been so warmly received, to the Legends Come Home Wrestlemania.
He has an announcement: beginning tomorrow night, with the Number One Contender's Battle Royal, the WWF will no longer be run by the McMahon Family.
Vince realizes that he's no longer in any position to make business decisions, and he's been a mere figurehead for several years. He always hoped that one day, his children might take over, but after the episode with Skip, he realizes what he should have known all along...
The people best positioned to make the decisions that impact the WWF are the wrestlers.
So, tomorrow night on RAW from Montreal, the WWF will be placed in the hands of a trust, a 3 man TitanTrust, made up of 3 retired wrestling legends - and they will now be in charge. So, great fans, I say goodbye.
And the TitanTron goes dark - a bombshell dropped by Vince McMahon, a 3 man TitanTrust to be introduced at RAW tomorrow.
But it's tonight - and tonight - JR and Paul E are on the announce (it's JR's 29th PPV which ties him with Gorilla for most all time, that's referenced at some point) and the Legends Come Home Mania is coming at you from Toronto!
1. Edge/Christian (w/Trish) d. Razor/HHH (w/Diesel)
- This is interesting – the vets are the absolute face team – but the crowd’s gonna cheer E and C – they’re local, and with all the Hart/Clique stuff we’ve done over the years – a Toronto crowd is primed to attack these vets. The way to do this is have E and C cut an anti Toronto promo – but I’m not gonna do that – let the people cheer for whom they want to cheer.
-Razor can’t do anything in 2002 and HHH can’t do a lot – but the combustible nature of the match with the return of Razor/Diesel, and hopefully, the willingness of E and C to take all the bumps and just sell like crazy – will make a good match.
Razor's gotta be the one who eats this, he takes a Chick Kick, a spear, and then a Crusader for the fall. E and C go over the veterans, and now ready for the postmatch beatdown.
So, with Diesel and Razor both down – E and C set up the Con Chair To on HHH --- they're gonna wipe Hunter out one_last_time.
Lights out.
Pause.
Lights on…..
Michaels.
Crowd, you know – acts as they will – Shawn Michaels has returned to the WWF after 4 years.
Michaels superkicks E, C, and Trish for good measure - Razor, Diesel, and Hunter revive and all hit their finishers, leaving the Canadians laid out in the ring.
Michaels, Razor, Diesel, Hunter each go to the buckles – make the sign of the Clique – the four men then pose in the ring, I don't know if they're cheered or booed out of the building, but it's fucking loud, it's the reunited Clique on the buckles in Toronto at XVIII with the Canadians laid out in the ring – and Wrestlemania is underway.
2. Legend's Match: Ric Flair (w/Leviathan) d. Hulk Hogan d. Undertaker (w/DMW)
Your legend’s match. One fall to the finish. This is what they’re for – we pop like crazy for the entrances, keep it short, Flair goes over Hogan with the figure four. Wooooooooo.
Neither Hogan or Undertaker get that fifth legend's win.
After the match, Flair and Leviathan victoriously, hold up four fingers, the symbol, of course, for the Four Horsemen, in the middle of the ring. Odd.
DMW enter as Hogan lies alone - Undertaker, PAUL, Kane hitting Hogan with the Triple Chokeslam, leaving him sprawled in the ring. Undertaker is frustrated again in his attempt to win that 5th legends match.
3. Sugar Shane Helms (w/Chavo) d. Al Snow (w/Morley)
Helms and Chavo, shirtless, maybe some random scrawlings on their bodies (like dude from Memento on crystal meth) go over big, they’re The Spreekillers, remorseless, wild, out of control – they take pleasure, giggling as they leave Morley and Al laying in the middle of the ring – they taunt the fans, begging for the fans in the front row to take a shot at them – they want debris thrown at them – they revel in being bad, bad men. They scream, they run, they have no respect for anyone or anything. They’re out of control. SPREEKILLERS~ SPREEKILLERS~ SPREEKILLERS~
4. Booker T. d. DDP
This will wrap up Page. Booker, the newly turned face who fights for the money, goes over DDP clean with the Harlem Hangover. Can you dig it – sucka!
5. Submission Match: Rock d. Steve Regal (special guest referee - Brock Lesnar)
Rock finds the submission that works – the sharpshooter – and the Canadian fans pop as Regal taps. The Rock!
6. Unified Tags: TLC3: Jericho/Storm (w/Stacy) d. Hardys d. Spike/Bubba
Canadians come in the pink and black, waving the Canadian flag – Jericho’s from Toronto, the fans are aching for the hometown win – and they give it to them. They suspend all 3 companies' title belts above the ring and do the collision match. Jericho and Storm each grabbing belts – holding them high in the air while the people cheer. They injure Bubba here, take him out of the game for the summer. Jeff and Matt again have words after the match, arguing up the aisle, their frustration evident. Hugs all around for Stacy and Jericho and Storm, they wave the Canadian flags. Big Canadian pop.
Paul E leaves the announce for the Worldwide Titles match - and is replaced by Taz. JR is scared and a little freaked out - Taz tells him to relax - that he'll be surprisingly helpful.
Taz now joins the announce crew permanently. It's a 3 man booth, JR/Paul E/Taz. With Paul often times gone as he remains Van Dam's manager.
7. Worldwide Titles: ECW Rules: RVD (w/Paul E) d. Austin
Van Dam earns his WWF bona fides with the garbage match win. They let Austin get a shot in on Paul E, which gets the big fan pop – this match is similar to Austin’s win over Regal the year before, all the RVD matches are No DQ – so they fight all over the place – but Van Dam is too young, too athletic – and he takes out Austin with the frog splash. R…V…D… R....V....D......R....V.....D....
And now your main event - both men come to the ring, walking down the long white ramp, then are introduced once they get there as the fans toss the ribbons into the ring.
8. WWF/ECW Titles: Kurt Angle d. Curt Hennig
I bet they could sign Bobby to second Hennig here, I’d bet a lot on that, actually, but I won’t assume – so I won’t book it. But what you want to see is Hennig tossing the white towel over his shoulder to Heenan, who makes a surprise appearance - that would pop the Counterfactual crowd huge. Goosebumps everywhere. I also bet that if Hennig got this spot, he would have given everything he had left to make it a great match, don't you? Don't you think if Counterfactual Hennig, the longtime WWF Champ, returning for his last shot at the main event of Wrestlemania in Toronto - where 12 years before (as the clips have consistently reminded us) he beat Randy Savage in a title defense - don't you think he would step up and give you every last bit of wrestling goodness he had stored up?
I feel real comfortable about this match. Angle/Hennig.
Angle keeps, clean, he escapes the PerfectPlex, hits the Angle Slam, and gets the ankle lock submission. Angle stands unquestionably at the top of the WWF mountain, he holds the WWF and ECW title belts aloft in the ring as the show ends.
Kurt Angle debuted in the Jarrett flag angle at XV - and has still never lost a professional wrestling match. He's an unstoppable force. He's taken out how many champions? He beat Taz, Davey Boy, Benoit, Van Dam, Flair, and Hennig. Kurt Angle.
At the beginning of the Montreal RAW the next night - we meet the TitanTrust.
Arn Anderson, WWF Tag Champ, NWA US and Tag Champ
Fit Finlay, international superstar
and...in a surprise...
Dean Malenko. Former member of the Alliance. Former NWA Champion.
The three men stand in the ring, say that they hope to take the WWF to bold, fresh new places. That majority will rule, so if they disagree, that's why there are 3 of them.
Tonight, they say, is the Number One Contender's Battle Royale, the winner to go onto Summer Slam, in Long Island, to wrestle for the WWF and ECW World Heavyweight Titles.
But this is not an ordinary battle royale...
This is the Most Star Studded Battle Royal Ever. 26 of the 30 entrants have held title belts in WWF, NWA, or ECW – and 9 have been World Heavyweight Champions!
Big pop. 9 Champs in one battle royale? 26 of the 30 have held title belts? The TitanTrust rules!
9 World Heavyweight Champions, almost a third of the field, everyone wants a shot at Angle. And there will be some very familiar faces –-- plus, the TitanTrust says, they have secured the services of a mystery entrant who will come in at number 30! This is a big time free agent - one who will excite these people to their core! TitanTrust! Arn and Dean and Fit! Arn and Dean and Fit!
Angle goes to the announce. Who will face him at Summer Slam? Who? Who? Place…your… bets…
1. Y2J (w/Stacy)
World Champ number 1. Jericho was NWA Champ.
2. Edge (w/Trish)
-And we get our Hart/Clique fix in early for the Montreal fans who are digging some Canadian on Canadian Violence. Will one of these men go on to meet Angle at Summer Slam?
3. Spike
-Spike, now without Bubba, injured at Mania, remains a face and goes after both men.
4. Chavo
-Evil Chavo, the Spreekiller, goes after everyone in the ring, it’s a 4 way battle.
5. Regal
-We now face/heel this; Regal and Chavo attempt to eliminate Jericho, while Spike battles Edge. Who will win? Who will go to Summer Slam? Do you have a guess? Make a guess! I dare you. I double dare you!
6. Booker
-Further selling Booker’s face turn as the guy who fights to put food on the table, Book aids Jericho against Regal and Chavo. Spike v. Edge. 6 in the ring - 24 to go.
7. Christian
-Well, you know where he’s going.
8. Stevie
-Stevie joins his sometimes tag partner Spike – they battle E and C. Time for some eliminations. Jericho and Book get Regal (30). E and C get Spike (29)
9. HBK
-World Champ number 2. The Triple Crown winning Michaels returns to the WWF, he left four years ago, came back last night – and here he is competing for the first time – the Triple Crown Winner – Shawn Michaels! Superkick to Edge (28). Michaels and Stevie double superkick Christian (27) Hey, look at that! Michaels superkicks Stevie (26).
Big return for Michaels – as he eliminates three guys.
10. Dustin Rhodes.
-Hey, it’s the Southern Man! There are surprises! Rhodes comes in, waving the Confederate flag. Michaels goes right after him. Chavo, Jericho, Booker is now every man for himself. 5 in the ring, 20 left. Who? Who? Who?
11. Tajiri
-World Champ 3. An ECW World Champ and former holder of the Worldwide Belts. The Japanese buzzsaw goes into the Rhodes/Michaels thing – so we have two separate 3 ways. Just like college. Yeah, daddy. I gots my freak on back in college. Mmmmmm.
12. Helms
-Joins his Spreekilling partner, Chavo, again battling the faces Book and Jericho. They toss Book (25). Spreekillers!
13. Raven
-Raven comes in on Tajiri's side and joined by the heel Dustin – they all try to toss Michaels. Helms and Chavo have the numbers against Jericho. The heels are dominant in the Rumble!
14. Dreamer
-Dreamer comes in on the side of the other ECW guys – all 3 and Dustin ganging up on the legendary HBK. 4 on 1 - all 4 men close to eliminating Michaels!
15. Lance…
...but not.
-Lance doesn’t make it to the ring – he is wiped out by two mid sized guys wearing masks in the aisle – they put the wood to him, Bam, Bam, Bam – drawing Jericho’s attention – and allowing Helms and Chavo to dump him (24)! Spreekillers! Jericho gets to Storm and the masked men take off. Who were those masked me? Who? Who?
We scramble to the back – we see Arn, from the Gorilla position, yelling – we need a new 15 –
15. Jamie Noble
-We haven’t met Noble before – right now, he's as young southern babyface – he’s a terrific wrestler, sort of a pocket Benoit – they're gonna tag him with Kidman, give them matching trunks – make them a high flying babyface tag. Kidman’s a little cocky – Noble’s trailer trash – so they’re a good, weird mix. Consider the matches between them and Chavo/Helms – the SpreeKillers as driving the summer. Eventually, Noble will adopt the nicknames Mother Trucker, as in Jamie MotherTrucker Noble, and the Redneck Messiah. But right now, Noble’s attacked by Chavo and Helms as he enters.
16. HHH
-Babyface HHH comes in to save Michaels – sure, HHH pedigreed Michaels out of the company the last time we saw them – but it’s been 4 years, all is forgiven, and after their triumph last night, the Clique is reunited. HHH dumps Dustin (23).
17. Kidman
-And we have that 2 on 2. HHH and Michaels are down 2-3 to the ECW contingent of Raven, Dreamer, and Tajiri.
18. Diesel.
-Nash’s first appearance in the WWF ring in 6 years – and he gets, oddly enough, the Nash spot. Jacknife to Noble (22) Jacknife to Kidman (21). Big Boot to Helms (20). Big Boot to Chavo (19). Big Daddy Cool!
19. Razor
-Take…a look…at the Bad Guy….
I want ECW guys on one side of the ring…Clique on the other side…let the moment build…let them jaw back and forth –-- Razor tosses a toothpick at Raven – and it’s on.
Razor’s Edge to Raven (18). Pedigree to Dreamer (17). Superkick and a Jacknife to Tajiri (16). Big pop as the Clique clears the ring and each man stands on a turnbuckle!
Good God! The four man Clique is all alone in the ring! But there are still, Taz notes, 6 World Heavyweight Champions left!
20. Matt
-Matt takes a deep breath outside the ring – he’s got incredible odds against him – then he runs in the ring…and is immediately thrown out (15). The Clique again goes to all four buckles – making the handsign in the air. The Clique is Back! Matt's frustration is evident.
21. Jeff
-Same spot. (14) Wow. Matt and Jeff again have words.
This time, the Clique teases that it’s gonna go down afterward – they do a four man nose to nose to pop the crowd – then they say nah – and each goes to rest in a corner – leaning back against the buckles. Nash mimes having a smoke. The Clique! The Clique! The Clique!
22. Hogan
World Champ 4.
-See how this works? Hulk Hogan gets the old guy pop – he warily circles on the outside, taking his time, uncertain – but he then charges in…and is tossed right out…(13). The Clique! They are using their numbers! Their plan is to be Final Four! Who will possibly stop the Clique! Every man who comes in gets tossed out - he can't compete against the numbers! The crafty Clique, as have they so many times before, have taken over the WWF!
23. Austin.
World Champ 5
-Good God! Triple Crown Winner Steve Austin – and he doesn’t hesitate – the crowd pops as the Rattlesnake goes right after the Clique – he gets shots in on all four guys – Austin brawling with all four guys, Austin gets a heat segment on all four guys, blasting them all down - Steve Austin with rights and lefts, Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!
And Austin's hit by a spinkick from a running in Waltman.
Oh my god - Sean Waltman, in streetclothes, he doesn't work here - he's not in this Battle Royale - he runs in, kicks Austin..
and Austin is leveled over the top with a Michaels superkick and a Helmsley clothesline (12). The Clique eliminates Austin! All five members of the Clique - Michaels, Razor, Diesel, Hunter, and the Kid - standing in the ring - celebrating - Waltman chopping his crotch in Angle's direction - the Clique!
That wraps Austin for the year – he quits the company.
24. Brock Lesnar
-Yeah, daddy – I am going somewhere with this Clique stuff.
I’ll do the Brock character sketch later – right now, you know he’s an athletic freak, he’s a hothead – he’s Angle’s protégée – and he’s making his debut right here, right now – against the entire Clique. This is Brock Lesnar's first match after Camp Angle.
The Clique attacks – Brock beats them all back – they attack again – he beats them all back – now they come one at a time – Waltman throws a kick, which Brock catches and press slams him over the top. Razor misses a clothesline – Brock knocks him to the outside with a running elbow shot (11). That wraps Razor up. Nash tries the big boot – Brock grabs him for the exploder suplex and hurls him over the top rope. Diesel blows out his quad (which is what happened to Nash in his first match back on Raw after Mania) and is gone for the year (10). With the crowd shocked – and Angle standing up and cheering for him like a 12 year old boy, Angle just freaking out, hopefully, the crowd freaking out – Brock hits the F5 on HHH and dumps him over the top (9). Brock Lesnar has just taken the Clique apart – and he now stands nose to nose with Shawn Michaels! Only two men left in the ring - Brock Freaking Lesnar and Shawn Michaels!
That's how you debut a guy.
25. RVD (w/ Paul E.)
-World Champ 6. The Worldwide Champ is in, posing, pointing his thumbs at himself – taking the mixed pop – and it’s a 3 way.
26. Hennig
World Champ 7
-Former WWF Champion Perfect hits the ring – and Brock goes right after him, recall their thing on Angle’s show. RVD/HBK is the other battle – and it’s a spirited one. Angle is trying to get Brock to keep moving – he’s left the announce and he’s playing trainer now by the ring – trying to get Brock not to let the veteran Hennig tie him up near the ropes. Angle yelling at Brock to get away from the ropes. 4 men in the ring - 4 men left - 2 World Heavyweight Champs left - who will go to Summer Slam???
27. Undertaker
-Dead Man comes in clubbing everyone. Club. Club. Club. Club.
28. The Rock
-Rock gets shots in at Van Dam and Michaels. Rock and Undertaker reprise their legend’s feud from XVII with a brawl. Angle is screaming now at Brock to stay away from the ropes.
29. Flair (w/Leviathan)
World Champ 8
-Woooooo. The Nature Boy comes into get some shots at Michaels and Van Dam – then shots at Rock and the Undertaker for a Legends 3 way. Flair occupies the Undertaker enough that Rock can slip away – and seeing the position of Brock and Hennig – he takes advantage and helps Curt dump Brock (8)!! Lesnar is furious and hops back on the apron (which he can do – 295 pound man can leap from a standing position to the apron) and grabs Rock by the neck and pulls him over (7) Angle comes in to separate the two – as Rock is now furious that Brock would have eliminated him – and the three men work to the back.
We still have Van Dam/Michaels. We still have Undertaker/Flair – we now have Hennig waiting for the mystery entrant at number 30…
30. Rey Mysterio
World Champ 9. Your big surprise.
-It’s the last ever NWA champ – and he’s wearing the belt. Rey comes in with the flying head scissors to eliminate Mr. Perfect (6) and that’s the last we’ll see of Curt. Undertaker grabs Rey for the chokeslam – but Flair catches him with the low blow – and Flair and Rey dump the Dead Man over the top (5), a split second later – Michaels catches Van Dam with the superkick, knocking him over the top rope (4) – and there are 3 remaining. Rey. Flair. Michaels. Who? Who? Who?
Michaels and Flair go nose to nose – chopping at each other – Rey comes flying off the top rope – Michaels and Flair catch him together – and try to dump him over – but Rey headscissors Flair up and over the top…(3)
Michaels and Rey take a breather – and stalk each other warily. It’s the legendary Shawn Michaels – the Triple Crown winner, making his return to the WWF – it’s Rey Mysterio, Jr., the NWA Champion, arguably the greatest luchadore who ever lived, who is going to Summer Slam!!! Who? Who? Who?
It’s Mysterio – he head scissors Michaels over – Michaels skins the cat – not eliminated – and then Rey dropkicks him right back over. Rey Mysterio Jr is going to Summer Slam!
As I said, that's how you debut a guy.
3 things happen between here and Summer Slam. Lou Thesz dies, and given the importance of the NWA title to Summer Slam, there is a significant tribute package to him, clips and interviews.
Davey Boy Smith dies, and that's even more important in this context, he's a former WWF Champ, a multitime tag champ, an orginal member of the Hart Foundation, they do a ten bell salute on RAW, and end the show by showing his title win over Perfect.
And, in the real world, the company changes its name. Fortunately, in the Counterfactual, Vince was smart enough to make a good deal with the World Wildlife Fund years ago, as mentioned. In fact, Vince's good work will eventually lead to his being named chairman of that WWF. But not yet.
Okay, so Summer Slam is coming from Long Island.
They've set up some things in the battle royal. HHH/Dustin as an undercard singles. They feuded years before when Hunter was young heel Cliquester and Dustin was Goldust. Now, they've switched and Helmsley’s babyface push continues, Dustin will do the full Southern Man gimmick.
We’re gonna get some legends – Flair will meet the Undertaker, the Dead Man wanting revenge for Mania. Flair, with Leviathan at his side, constantly talk Horsemen – and since we have tape library access, the WWF fans will become acquainted with the Four Horsemen. Flair will tell the fans to forget the Harts…forget the Clique…forget the Alliance…the only wrestling stable that has ever mattered in this business is the By God, Kiss Stealing, Wheeling Dealing, Limousine Riding, Jet Plane Flying – Four Horsemen --- and whether you like it or whether you don’t like it – you’ve got to learn to love it – because with Flair (and he holds up 1 finger) and Leviathan (and he holds up 2 fingers) and two men coming soon….it’s about to be the best thing going today.
We'll get DMW v. Flair/Leviathan stuff to get us ready for the first ever meeting between Flair and the Dead Man. Least, I think it’s the first ever meeting – I may have done Flair/Undertaker on TV during his first run. I don’t remember.
Our big, big, big undercard singles match is Brock/Rock.
Okay, here’s who Brock Lesnar is – He’s a frat guy, a musclehead, he’s a locker room guy – he enjoys snapping towels, taping guys butt cheeks together. He’s 14 years old. We only know parts of that right now, we’ve seen him on the reality show, so we know he’s immature, hot tempered, but he’s still a babyface – largely because of Angle, who is our Bruno, completely above reproach. Angle is devoted to molding the young guys, and in Brock, he sees the opportunity to one day move from being a great wrestler to a great trainer (and perhaps, Angle knows, even though we don’t yet, that his body is giving out on him, and he won’t get a long career) so Angle is completely, completely blind to all of Brock’s shortcomings as a guy – and Brock’s not evil, yet, just juvenile and right now he’s still a face – so it’s not like we’re playing the Angle is an idiot card. Not yet.
But you can see how this will progress. And with Rock being the Rock, it's natural that fans will boo Lesnar - and Angle won't understand that or appreciate that even a tiny bit.
We’ve got lots of good tag teams, and over the summer, we’ll be using them, Hardys and E and C, The Spree Killers and Noble/Kidman, Spike/Stevie and Raven/Dreamer. Add in DMW and Michaels/HHH and Morley/Snow. Lots of tags. Tag matches just fill TV, just spill out everywhere. The TitanTrust loves the stags.
And all of them (except for the Spree Killers) will at one point, get attacked by the guys in the masks who took out Lance at the battle royal. Those guys in the masks will also punk out Jericho and Storm again, really lay them out – leading to a furious Jericho challenging them to meet the Hart Foundation 2K at Summer Slam, if they have the guts to actually wrestle a real match.
The TitanTrust debates - can you have two guys in masks (let's make them red, white, and blue masks) wrestle Jericho and Storm for the straps at Summer Slam? They debate...Arn saying yes....Fit saying no....Dean undecided, coming back the next week, he's about to give his decision in the ring, Jericho and Storm enter - Jericho says he and Dean have gone round and round, in the NWA, in the WWF - but dammit, the tag champs want this match -
---Dean says he was prepared to rule against it - there are so many good tag teams in the WWF that it would seem insulting - but he knows about wanting revenge - and the Hart Foundation deserves that revenge - so he is granting the request - and the match is made.
Dean~ TitanTrust!
And at the bottom, we’ll get E and C against Stevie and Spike.
The IC is Van Dam defending against HBK. Which, you know, you gotsta love.
Michaels is not the same guy, he’s a veteran now, miles on the tread – and this contrast with the younger Van Dam, who we’ll sell as the new cocky high flyer, perhaps the new HBK, works for us. And since Paul E talks for him – Van Dam doesn’t have to cut intense promos. Paul E can promo on Michaels, he’s a has been, he’s washed up, he used to be the icon, the showstopper, the main event – he used to be the Heart Break Kid – now he’s just an old man, coming back to try to steal the spotlight – but the ladder match was 8 and a half years ago – this is 2002 – and at Summer Slam in Long Island – the fans might start the match chanting H…B…K….but by the end – 18,000 people will be chanting R…V…D….
Michaels will accept the love of the fans – and we’ll show enough Michaels stuff that they will love him – but he says Paul E isn’t entirely wrong – he isn’t the same guy he was four years ago. When he was a kid winning the Triple Crown – he was the cockiest guy in the locker room – the Clique wasn’t a gimmick, the Clique was him 24/7. When he got hurt, when he blew out his back against the Undertaker, when he had to submit to Owen at Mania, when his best friend HHH kicked him out of the Clique during his retirement show – he couldn’t be HBK anymore.
So, he went home, went home to San Antonio – and he decided it was time to give back, he started a small wrestling school, the Texas Wrestling Academy, and he trained some of the greatest kids you’d ever want to meet – nice kids – hard working – talented and hungry. He hopes that the TitanTrust will sign a couple of them up at some point, as he thinks his trainees might be his real legacy to leave the WWF. And seeing how much they wanted it – seeing how badly they wanted to one day just get a match in the WWF – that rekindled his love of the business. So he trained, he got in shape – and when he goes to Summer Slam to face RVD for the Worldwide Titles – Paul E is right – he won’t be the same old HBK ---
He might just be better.
Van Dam/Michaels. Worldwide Straps.
And of course, we have Angle/Mysterio, not just for the WWF and ECW – but the NWA title as well. And for the first time in history, someone will be the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World.
Angle’s Angle. Rey is little and masked – and we can use Rey to teach the WWF fans about lucha.
But the main interest is the unification aspect. I want a highlight package of WWF, NWA, and ECW Champions – still photos of the guys before TV – and then TV clips from the 50s on.
The point is – none of those men were Undisputed Champion.
But – at Summer Slam – someone is walking out of that ring with all 3 World Title Belts – and he will be acknowledged as the greatest wrestler alive. The Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World.
You know you love you some Counterfactual. Tell your friends. It's free. The Angle/Mysterio Unification, HBK returns to the WWF to take on RVD, the Mystery Team against Jericho and Storm, Brock’s debut against the Rock, Flair v. Undertaker, add in HHH/Dustin and E and C against Spike and Stevie – how can you possibly pass up Summer Slam 2002?? Call your cable company today!!
Summer Slam 2000
Friday, March 17, 2006
XVI is here.
Summer Slam 2000 (Raleigh)
(Dark – Dean Malenko d. Aguila d. Taka)
Gordon Solie dies on the way to Summer Slam, some type of acknowledgement would be nice.
JR/Lawler open in the ring, Lawler, as was his custom, runs down the Alliance - which brings out Dean and Perry-- they batter Lawler down, Dean clover leafing him, and Dean becomes the guest announcer.
That ends Lawler's run, I think Dean would be great as a color man, actually, after hearing him on Benoit's DVD. Dean pushes the Alliance the entire show, largely dismissing everyone else. Perry stands behind Dean as protection and to keep JR in line.
1. No DQ: Skip McMahon d. Steve Blackman
Somehow, we have to get to the point where Shane can take some of the crazy Shane bumps that, you know, make him valuable. That’s why I picked him to do the McMahon angle.
But that’s not here – here, what the fans want is to see Skip get his ass kicked, instead, he enters, pays the official to make it a No DQ. Which doesn’t bother Blackman, he just grabs his nunchucks that he brought to the ring for his babyface martial arts pre match demonstration.
Bell sounds. Blackman approaches (Skip’s wearing his suit) and PAUL’S music begins. PAUL enters, chokeslams the hell out of Blackman, Skip puts his foot on Blackman’s chest. Skip’s got a win.
We hate that Skip.
Incidentally, Shane met Blackman at the actual event, Shane was hardcore champion. Just to give a sense of where the actual track was at the time.
2. Morley d. Kane
Morley goes over with the Liberation Falls, and then the Undertaker enters to do the heel stuff to him. Chairshot. Chokeslam. Tombstone on the chair. That Undertaker. What’s the matter with him? He’s done changed!
3. Waltman (w/Trish) d. Stevie
I’d rather put Stevie over, but he doesn’t get too many PPV shots and I have more Waltman story to tell. Some timely Trish interference aids Waltman – and the Kid gets a win. They put the boots to Stevie postmatch – drawing out Taz for the save and then Hunter the other way– they brawl – and that segues into the next match.
4. Taz (w/Stevie) d. HHH (w/Trish and Waltman)
Taz clean, Tazmission submission. Taz chokes Waltman out postmatch – both HHH and Waltman left laying at the feet of Taz, who draws the big face pop. E and C enter postmatch, both men pissed at seeing Waltman and HHH laid out. Trish cuts a promo on a groggy Helmsley and Waltman – you two better shape up – it’s not written anywhere that either of you has to stay in the Clique forever – that kinda thing. So, we’re getting closer, you know, to doing that thing that we always do with the Clique.
5. Angle d. Undertaker
Clean, Angle slam. Angle’s roll continues as he goes over the WWF Legend. Undertaker destroys something after the match. Maybe he chokeslams Hugo Savinovich through the Spanish Announce table. Undertaker unhappy, Angle unbeaten. Dean puts Angle over, everyone has to put Angle over. Angle goes to the announce postmatch, smiling at both Dean and Perry.
6. Tags: TLC 2: E and C (w/Trish) d. Hardys (w/Lita) d. Dudleys (w/Stevie)
Edge and Christian get their first tag straps in the big collision match. They’re aided by Helmsley and Waltman, who enter and tease that maybe they’ll turn on E and C – but they don’t, they help the finish – maybe a Hardy and a Dudley are each on ladders, fighting at the top while both E and C are down – and Helmsley/Waltman knock the ladders over – revive E and C – and they go to the top to get them.
Dudleys and Hardys continue their fight postmatch. We’re moving out of the 3 way program now and the Duds and Hardys are staying together.
E and C celebrate with a five second pose – they offer the Clique handsign to Hunter and Waltman – who pause, but then both accept.
They don’t mention it then, but Hunter and Waltman will come to collect the receipt from Trish the next night on RAW – they want that title shot.
7. IC: 2 of 3 falls: Chris Jericho d. Eddy Guerrero
Eddy’s doing the scary character from his most heelish days in real world WCW; Meltzer likes to say it wasn’t until the Latino Heat character that Eddy got charismatic. Respectfully, I disagree – I loved the dark, dark days of the shredded WCW Guerrero. His eyes were dead. It was excellent.
And now the show is rolling. Jericho, like Bret and Owen before him, wins his second IC title. Eddy wins the first fall on the frogsplash, Jericho gets the Liontamer submission on the second fall – and Jericho wins the third fall – Dean, leaving the announce to go to ringside specifically for this spot, has the opportunity to take Eddy's leg and put it on the bottom rope – but recall Eddys failing to help him twice – and Dean doesn’t help. Huh.
Jericho gets the big win over his longtime rival and celebrates accordingly. Eddy and Dean have words postmatch. Perry enters to calm things down.
8. WWF Title: Chris Benoit d. Rock
Benoit clean – the huge Rock push was designed to capitalize on his heat – but also to feed Benoit. This should be Rock’s last real uppercard shot. He’s just not the caliber of worker to stay up there – but Benoit gets a great match out of him, absolutely. We’ll do a spot where Rock puts Benoit in the sharpshooter…which infuriates Benoit…obviously, Benoit’s background is known by the base, and now JR can reference it, I don’t want him explicitly painted with the Hart brush yet, 'cause that would get him cheered by the folks wearing the 15 year old Hart Foundation t-shirts, but going forward now, they can connect Benoit to the Dynamite Kid, given Dynamite’s spot in the WWF pantheon and Benoit’s downright creepy similarity to him.
He reacts with anger to the Sharpshooter – and then tears the Rock apart – winning the match with the Crossface submission.
The rest of the Alliance hits the ring postmatch. They note the Dean/Eddy turmoil – but the four men stand tall as Benoit holds the WWF Title aloft. The announce wonders if anyone….if anyone can possibly stop the Crippler.
In the NWA…Nash goes over Jarrett, Booker beats Goldberg, the Great Muta returns and beats Sting. Your new tag champs, Shane Helms and Shannon Moore beat Awesome and Steiner. Lance Storm comes over from ECW and grabs the US Title, beating Kidman. And your new champ, Little Rey.
Fall Brawl – 2000 Buffalo
NWA Title: Rey Mysterio d. Shane Douglas
US Title: Lance Storm d. Billy Kidman
Tags: Helms/Shannon Moore d. Awesome/Steiner
Great Muta d. Sting
Booker T. d. Goldberg
Kevin Nash d. Jeff Jarrett
Elix Skipper d. Vampyro
Ron/Don d. Kronic
Spike gets a win in ECW, Justin beats Rhyno, Guido and Mikey win the tags, Tajiri keeps the TV, and Lynn keeps the World title.
November to Remember – 2000 Villa Park, IL.
ECW Title: Jerry Lynn d. Steve Corino
TV: Tajiri d. Super Crazy
Tags: Guido/Mikey d. Anderson/Sandman
Simon d. Swinger
Justin d. Rhyno
Kash d. Money
Spike d. Nova
Doring/Roadkill d. York/Mathews
Survivor Series is coming from Tampa. On the way, Yokozuna dies, which draws the appropriate response – and RAW moves to TNN.
The opening tag for the next couple of shows is going to be Dudleys/Hardys. So, we get some six man stuff adding Stevie and Lita (yes, the clock is ticking on Lita). The emphasis shifts from Austin/Cactus to Benoit/Angle, with that, the company moves away from the collision matches. But I like a card with some diversity – and this is a good place for the fans to get their collision fix on. So, we keep these as garbage matches. Specialty matches – particularly since the purpose of the opening tag is to pop the crowd.
We’ll get a cage match for this one. Both partners have to escape to get the win.
Recall the Undertaker attacked Morley after Morley’s win over Kane. We’re gonna get Taker/Morley. This is probably not good for Ulysses.
The Rock needs some heat back after tapping out to Benoit. We’ll bring the Outlaws out one more time. They feuded for the tag belts, recall, back in ’98. The Outlaws will clown him – make fun of his celebrity, make fun of his losing the whole Nation, make fun of his tapping out to Benoit, generally be jackasses – the Rock will say he’ll whip both their candy asses in a handicap match at Survivor Series – and they won’t call it a handicap match because it’s 2 on 1 – it’s a handicap match because Billy and the Dogg ride the short bus.
The Alliance makes some show of force – they break up a match, beat up the agents, somehow defame the good name of the WWF – who can possibly stop these guys?
Angle will enter – get in their faces – tell Benoit that maybe he beat Foley, and maybe he beat Rock – and maybe he’s a 3 time NWA Champ…
But he doesn’t have gold medals.
He’s never wrestled with a broken neck.
And he’s never beaten Kurt Angle.
Benoit seems to accept – ‘cause Benoit’s got no backstep – but Eddy, the crafty one, intervenes. Says Angle don’t get no shot just like that. The Alliance is calling the shots – and if Angle wants his – first – he’s gotta get by Perry Saturn.
Saturn attacks, suplexes Angle all over the place – the Alliance stomps Angle down – Jericho runs in – Jericho and Angle get the advantage – but the numbers get to them – and the Alliance leaves them both laying.
The Alliance! Who can stop these guys!
So, we’ll get Perry/Angle.
Jericho’s out of this momentarily. They're gonna sell Eddy/Jericho 3 all fall long, and they have him as the number two babyface in the company behind Angle, who obviously is now number one. But as they near the Survivor Series, the Alliance blows up.
This is not ideal. But I’m dealing with a couple of factors (1) We're out of Dean PPV shots after Survivor Series - and Eddy doesn't work the Rumble.
Meaning, the only chance I have to do Eddy v. Dean is now. Sure, I could have them wrestle other guys – and my second choice was to put them both in the IC match for a 3 way, but I’ll always sacrifice story for work – and Eddy v. Dean is one of the great rivalries, one of the great matchups in wrestling history – so, while I’d rather do it in a year, so it fits in the story, allowing the Alliance to further bury the WWF, instead, I’m doing it now.
That’s why all the Eddy/Dean tension (the battle royal, Eddy losing his title).
No face turn – just continue the tension between them, Dean does more announcing on TV, and starts to take digs at Eddy – it's tension that pisses Benoit off (I see Benoit shoving each guy into a locker at some point telling them to cut it out. He’s Chris Benoit, after all. This allows them to start the Eddy/Benoit relationship, Eddy's Benoit's right hand and Benoit can't believe that after all the work they've put in to get here, Eddy and Dean can't keep it together - Benoit gets them, to shake hands once, after an impassioned and violent speech, but it doesn't hold,) This is a “no honor among thieves” angle – so, say Eddy’s given the rematch against Jericho – and Dean says, wait a minute – didn’t Eddy just lose, I’m an NWA Champion, I want my shot – Eddy says he wouldn’t have lost the title if Dean had done his job – Dean said if it was his title, he wouldn’t have needed Eddy to cheat for him.
It's the fundamental problem with the Alliance - a stable needs a pecking order - but here are 3 NWA Champions who all think they're the best in the world - and now Benoit has taken the top spot, leaving Eddy and Dean to fight for scraps.
The tension causes the Alliance to lose an 8 man match (Angle, Jericho, Rock, Morley) Dean getting pinned by Angle. Eddy and Dean finally come to full on blows – Eddy says he’ll give up the IC shot to get a shot at Dean.
Benoit says fine – you two are gonna go – then you’re gonna go. But after that - he never wants to hear another word about it.
So, we get Eddy/Dean at Survivor Series, which is worth the price of your PPV dollar alone.
Too late to find an opponent for Jericho – so they say he defends…against a mystery opponent…
Curious.
In the tag title – we get the Clique on Clique match.
HHH/Waltman say they want their shot that Trish promised. E and C look to get out of it, ‘cause they’re the heels. Trish puts it off for awhile, they lose an 8 man to the Hardcore Family because of the tension. That tension finally boils over – and the two groups brawl. So, Trish says we’ll do the shot…
But, there’s a catch.
Trish shows an old clip from the video wall – it’s HHH/Waltman going over Razor and Diesel – beating them in the Loser Leaves Clique match. Trish says it’s Clique tradition to eat their own – there’s no tenure for the Clique – if you want to stay, you gotta prove yourself. That goes for all four of them.
So, here’s the deal, boys, – we’ll have the tag title match at Survivor Series – but the man who gets pinned --- he’s out of the family.
Trish puts up the handsign – says if each guy agrees, he’ll come into the center of the ring and join her – one after the other, they have to think about it – they want to push this as a lot to give up – particularly for Hunter and Waltman, who have been Clique forever – but each man goes to the ring, gives the handsign – and the five of them meet in the middle in a show of unity.
One more to go….who gets the title shot?
We’ll see a listing of the top five contenders: say, Jericho, Eddy, Angle, Taz, and Rock.
Jericho, Eddy and Angle have matches set up. Benoit just beat Rock. On RAW, Benoit goes over Taz (who doesn’t work Survivor Series) knocking him out of the PPV.
So who will it be? Benoit’s destructive – say he beats Morley (who then is attacked by the Taker) Say he beats a Hardy (that would be fun, say, Benoit v. Matt on RAW) which would lead to more Hardy/Dudley stuff. I know, here’s a Hardy/Dudley thing we’re going to add….
They kill off Stevie.
Not literally, but as close as they can come – I want Stevie jumped in a parking lot, and normally Counterfactual WWF doesn't do makeup and special effects, ‘cause that’s not wrestling – but what I could use is a beating too vicious to actually do. Stevie beaten so badly it's reasonable to think he's in a coma, he has memory loss, whatever it is.
Dudleys would think the Hardys did it, 'cause that's the program they're in - and the Clique has an airtight alibi - there's also some type of evidence the Hardys did it - they've got the long, painted hair now, so maybe some of Jeff's purple hair is found. Fans would then think the Hardys did it – but that’s not a babyface move. Hardys say they’re getting set up – but the Duds don’t buy it – that way, they don’t need the Duds heel turn, instead, they can keep them in the middle. And that’s what I need to do here.
This is headed somewhere.
Anyway, Benoit does a “Nobody can beat me” rap – but it’s not a cocky rap – it’s the seething, the viciousness, the I can not be stopped rap. This ring belongs to me. Everything in it belongs to me. It's Benoit Island.
A month before the show, when Benoit is saying he’ll take on any man in the world at Survivor Series, we go to the video wall.
On which…is Mick Foley, it’s a close up, he’s standing in a gym someplace.
The people pop, the announcers freak out – Foley says if Benoit wants to take anyone in the world on at Survivor Series – how about a Triple Crown Winner?
Crowd pops, Foley chant, announcers freak out….
Foley laughs, no, no, no – I see your confusion – no, I’m not talking about me, when I retired after Wrestlemania – I retired. So, no, it won’t be me wrestling Chris Benoit at Survivor Series, it’ll be another Triple Crown Winner.
Camera pulls back to reveal….
Steve Austin. See, ‘cause Foley holds the marker on his career – which he now rips in half. That’s how much they hate the Alliance – Foley has gone to Austin to ask for his help – to give him his career back.
At Survivor Series 2000, we’re gonna get Benoit against the returning Stone Cold Steve Austin for the strap. Austin stays out of the arenas, cutting promos on video the whole way – until the RAW before the show, when he runs in on Benoit at the end, Stunner – pours the beer over him – grabs the belt. Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!
So, we’ve got Benoit/Austin, Jericho against a mystery opponent, Clique v. Clique with the big stip, Eddy/Dean in the dream match, Angle/Perry, Rock in the handicap, Undertaker/Morley and the cage tag team match at the bottom. Survivor Series 2000– call your local thing!
Wrestlemania XVI 2000
Sunday, March 12, 2006
The invasion by the Alliance is here.
Wrestlemania XVI 2000 Anaheim
(Dark – Aguila d. Morley)
JR and Lawler start the show in the ring – they introduce their guest commentator – the Undertaker.
While he’s at the announce – Taker makes clear that he’s pissed – not only doesn’t he have a title shot – there’s no legend’s match tonight, he’s unbeaten at Mania and not even on the card – and now he has to wait another year to pass Andre and Hogan and it pisses him off.
Cactus enters. Plays the clip of Benoit saying death to the World Wrestling Federation.
“Winston Churchill said the graveyards are filled with indespensible men, and pals, what that means to me is that no matter how important any of us feel – there will be a day when they will put us in the ground.
And Chris Benoit – even Cactus Jack knows that one day that will happen to him. So one day, one day, I won’t be here to stop you and the Alliance from taking over the WWF. One day, one day, when you and your jackals stand in the WWF ring and talk about killing the WWF – I won’t be here to smack the taste out of your mouth. One day, one day, there will be a Wrestlemania when you will stand with your arm raised with this gold belt around your waist….
BUT THAT DAY, CHRIS BENOIT – THAT DAY IS NOT TODAY….Because today, today, Chris Benoit – today you will not be wrestling a best selling author, you will not be wrestling a father, you will not be wrestling a man with one foot in the wrestling grave ---
Today, you will be wrestling the WWF Champion. Today you will be wrestling the Triple Crown Winner. Today….you will be wrestling Cactus Jack. Bang, Bang."
1. HHH/Waltman (w/Trish) d. Hollys
Good opening tag, in the tradition of the opening tags. Clique goes over, Hunter and Waltman pissed that they are on the opening tag. Hunter takes the stick postmatch - says that after E and C take the tag straps tonight - that they are gonna keep it in the family and face Hunter and the Kid tomorrow night on RAW. Trish looks concerned. And hot. So, so hot.
2. Perry Saturn d. Al Snow (w/Head)
Undertaker expresses disgust at the Alliance, talks again about how this should be the legend's spot on the card and how he's getting screwed. Al doesn’t joke around, no schtick – even in his IC matches, he did his Al schtick. The announce notices this. This is a good, pounding, hard match – Perry going over clean. After the fall, Al slowly rises and goes to the top buckle for his moonsault – an entering Dean stops him by grabbing Head - and without even a hesitation, crushing it. Snow looks like he's seen his child murdered and freaks out - wildly attacking at Saturn and Dean - but they eventually lay him out and Al has to be helped from the ring. See how the Alliance takes away our fun?
3. Rock d. DLo
And the Nation is officially dead. Rock gets pushed in this program as hard as they can, during that stretch before the Alliance arrived, they would have sold this match, the final breakup of a two time tag champs, as a main event type match.
Now, it gets lost a bit by necessity, but I want to give it every inch. One, ‘cause Rock/DLo is a great act in this universe – and more importantly, ‘cause now is where, in the real world, the Rock took off. The SNL gig was just before Mania, which is what caused his career to take off.
In this world, that’s hard to deal with, Rock’s been a midcarder, although a consistently pushed midcarder, he just wouldn’t have been treated like a top, top guy. So, he probably doesn’t get that SNL shot – and then doesn’t get the movie career he got.
But – my analogue for him is Piper. Piper left the company and had a movie career – despite largely being a midcarder. He was the top heel when the company got hot – and that was enough to do it for him. Since I have to deal with Rock’s coming and going for a couple of years, I think I can assume some degree of mainstream success, perhaps equivalent to Piper.
Recognizing that, Rock goes over clean here – Rock Bottom finish - and comes out of Mania strong. Undertaker clearly is irritated by the whole Rock act.
4. Dean Malenko d. Taka Michinoku
Just a terrific match, Dean gets the submission with the cloverleaf. Dean and an entering Perry wipe Taka out afterward. They screw me, of course, with Dean, in terms of using him in the uppercard, but I can get this little slice of workrate that really adds value to the PPV.
5. Kurt Angle d. Taz (w/Stevie)
Oh, the love the people have for Wrestlemania XVI. They actually did a crappy version of this match at the Rumble, Taz squashed Angle, and, to be fair, Angle is just right at this point starting to figure things out in the ring. So, I might be a little optimistic about this, but I’d bet that the workrate pressure of the evening, with the new guys stepping everything up (as opposed to what they actually had them doing, which was wrestling, you know, Chyna and Fatu and Brian Lawler and Scott Taylor) makes this a good match.
Angle stays unbeaten – this is a big, battering, suplex based, mat based – terrific matchup. Taz can bully Angle a little, just with his presence – I like this program – I want Angle to grow up a little bit, his character won’t allow him to be intimidated, and Taz would cuff him around sometimes, would piss Angle off – so Angle would need to come back even harder. Would have been fun. Angle goes over clean in a totally clean matchup – we’ll have Taz send Stevie to the back early on, the idea being that Taz respects wrestling to such an extent, and wants to see how he matches up to the gold medal winner – that he doesn’t want the interference.
Taz taps to the anklelock.
I don’t really, in terms of ideal storytelling, want to turn Taz face, but I’m stuck with his having a limited run and the new heels coming in. So – just like the Dudleys, Taz is going to join that Hardcore Family to the middle now.
Taker just loses his stuff at the Angle adulation, which JR really pours on hard - and throws down his headset and leaves.
He's replaced as the third man by the Rock - who is now all blinged out, ready to hit the clubs.
6. Tags: TLC Match: Hardys (w/Lita) d. Dudleys (w/Stevie) d. E and C (w/Trish) (special guest referee, Backlund)
Well, the match they did was one of the greatest in WWF history, an outrageous bump fest – and then the one they did after this was even better. The Counterfactual adds the seconds to the match, as they can all bump too. It’s just a spotfest, one holy shit moment after the next – they give the fans what they want when the Hardys recapture the tag titles, Matt climbs the ladder to grab the belts.
Only real story movement here is to (again) position the Dudleys in the middle, just have them beat on E and C and have E and C be total heels. I don’t want a face Dudleys,
they’re a far better heel act, but with the Alliance and the Clique locked in as heels, who the fans will be disposed to cheer will be the ECW group. All the Duds have to do is send Trish through one table to get the face pop.
Hardys get the good face reaction – and the people like the bumping. The longtime WWF Young Boys win their second tag strap.
7. IC: Eddy Guerrero (w/ Dean and Perry) d. Chris Jericho
Eddy, clean, frogsplash. Jericho wears some version of pink and black, the official Hart uniform. The announce talks about the Eddy/Jericho rivalry in the NWA – this is the classic IC workrate match, as has been the case for most of the workrate loaded Mania.
Eddy took Jericho’s NWA title – Eddy takes Jericho’s IC. The Alliance is 3 for 3, Dean and Perry enter and the heels stomp Jericho out postmatch. Hopefully there are some boos - which Eddy eggs on, making the Hogan cupping the ear motion as he, Dean, and Perry stand victoriously, now awaiting the main event.
8. WWF Title: Chris Benoit d. Cactus Jack
And the revolution is complete. Benoit’s the 3 time NWA Champ, Cactus the Triple Crown Holder – it’s big on big.
Benoit clean – we’ve seen Cactus wear down since the Owen match, the struggle to beat Rock/HHH – Taz largely taking his measure at the Rumble – and he’s just overcome by Benoit. We get a ref bump allowing Jack to foreign object his way back into the match – say he splits Benoit open with a barbed wire bat he has under the ring.
But Benoit overcomes, wins with the headbutt pinfall.
Alliance hits the ring after the match, stomps Foley out – Saturn and Malenko bring in some type of destroyable set piece – something that says XVI on it that makes for a good visual image when it’s torn apart in the ring. They take it apart while Eddy and Chris hold their title belts high in the air as the show ends. Benoit and Guerrero at the top of the WWF. Get used to it.
In the NWA…Page beats Jarrett. Hennig beats Candido. Sting beats Luger. Your new tag champs, Mike Awesome and Scott Steiner who take from Hogan and Funk. Kidman keeps the US. And your new NWA Champion, for the second time, is Shane Douglas.
Slamboree – 2000 Kansas City
NWATitle: Shane Douglas d. Ric Flair
US: Billy Kidman d. Mortis
Tags: Mike Awesome/Scott Steiner d. Funk/Hogan
Sting d. Lex Luger
Curt Hennig d. Chris Candido
DDP d. Jeff Jarrett
Vampyro d. Buff Bagwell
Smiley/Morrus d. Stasiak/David Arquette
In ECW…Mikey beats Guido, Rhyno beats Justin, Corino beats Dreamer. Your new tag champs are Sandman and CW Anderson, who beat Kash and Chetti. Tajiri takes the TV strap from Lance. And the World title goes from Tanaka to Van Dam to Jerry Lynn.
Hardcore Heaven – 2000 Milwaukee
ECW Title: RVD d. Tanaka
TV: Tajiri d. Storm
Tags: Chetti/Kash d. Nova/Guido
CW Anderson d. Rhyno
Jerry Lynn d. Mikey
Sandman d. Justin
Simon d. Balls
Roadkill/Doring d. Devito/Angel
Heatwave – 2000 LA
ECW Title: Jerry Lynn d. RVD
TV: Tajiri d. Psychosys
Tags: Sandman/CW d. Chetti/Kash
Corino d. Dreamer
Simon d. Swinger
Rhyno d. Justin
Mikey d. Guido
Doring/Roadkill d. Balls/Devito
SummerSlam is coming from North Carolina.
The night after Mania is the Cactus Jack tribute, as we’ve gotten before. Foley’s in some type of goody ass tux, we get clips, interviews, show old matches. Show ends with Foley alone in the ring. Says he doesn’t want to say this is forever, he’d like to think the door is always open if the fans will have him back. But he says Cactus Jack is gone forever; that if he ever steps foot in a wrestling ring again, he’ll do so as Mick Foley. So, in the words of Frosty the Snowman, it’s time to say goodbye, but don’t you cry, I’ll be back again, someday. Bang, Bang.
Fans chant. Foley waves. Alliance hits the ring.
Benoit is screaming at Foley, “GET OUT, GET OUT OF MY RING, GET OUT OLD MAN, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RING.”
Which, if you are a devotee of the Counterfactual, should get you going a little bit – as it’s what Dynamite said to Steamboat about 12 years ago after sending him out in the Loser Leaves Town.
Benoit gets right in Foley’s face with the screaming – Benoit says he won’t pretend to respect Cactus Jack, won’t pretend to respect a glorified stuntman, won’t begin to respect that kind of hardcore crap that Cactus Jack brought to the WWF. This is our company now – look at the gold, Foley. NOW GET OUT OF OUR RING. Eddy steps in between them. “Hey homes, you better do what the champ says, Esse. He wants to send you out on a stretcher, Paco.”
Dean chimes in, “Or a gurney.”
Eddy again, “But we not gonna do it that way, Homes. Truth is, we don’t waste our time with has-beens, Esse.”
Dean and Saturn then hold the ropes down so Foley can get out. It’s supposed to be humiliating – the Alliance won’t even bother with him anymore. Foley is fuming, he wants to respond – but there are too many of them and Foley ain’t dumb. It plays up his need to retire, since he can’t fight back as they humiliate him.
Hit Taz’s music. Taz, Stevie, Dudleys enter.
Taz goes nose to nose with Benoit, Taz says they are talking to a legend, a triple crown winner – the godfather of hardcore wrestling – Taz says he and Cactus have had their problems – but you will respect the man who created hardcore. The Dudleys get in the faces of Dean and Perry – they hold the ropes open for Cactus. Foley considers attacking one more time – but doesn’t – he shakes Stevie’s hand and exits.
Benoit says there’s no room for that hardcore crap in his WWF – and no room for anything called the Hardcore Family. Benoit says that now that they’ve gotten rid of Foley – it’s time to get rid of the rest of you, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RING….
Hit Hunter’s music.
The Clique hits the ring. HHH, Waltman, Edge, Christian. Hunter gets in Benoit’s face, “Your ring? Your ring? This has been the Clique’s ring for 10 years. This has been my ring for five years. Who the hell do you think you are, Benoit? You come in here and say you’re taking over? I could give two craps about how you talk to that sawed off midget Taz, but you treat the Clique with some respect. This company has always and will always belong to the Clique.”
Which, you know, causes the Hardcore Family to get in the faces of the Clique.
Dean takes the mic, “Helmsley, let me make this plain…the Clique sucks. You suck. The Kid sucks. Edge and Christian suck. All of you suck. This company belongs to us.”
Benoit: GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY RING!!!
PAUL’s music. PAUL and Skippy come to the ring. PAUL enters…Skip thinks better of it, and decides to stay on the outside. PAUL gets in Benoit’s face.
Skip: I’m sorry, I don’t know your name, my apologies. But you’ve made a bit of a faux pas that I thought I’d correct. I own this ring. I own all of you. I might own all of these fans, I’ll check under my couch cushions to see if I do.
Perry takes the mic – goes right up to PAUL. “The WWF ain’t yours McMahon – read the names on all the belts – the gold belongs to the Alliance – the WWF belongs to the Alliance.”
Hardys music. Hardys hit the ring.
Matt and Jeff go nose to nose with Dean and Perry.
Matt: All the gold? Maybe you’ve taken too many shots to the head, Saturn – but there are a couple of gold belts right here around the waists of the Hardy Boys.
Edge: And we’ll take them off you any time we damn well want.
Waltman: Wait a minute – if the Clique is going to take those tag belts, it’s gonna be me and Hunter.
Stevie: The Clique won’t be taking anything. Those belts belong to the Dudley Boys.
Dean: Those belts are only a loaner, Hardys, Perry and I will add those to the Alliance collection. Every ounce of gold in this company belongs to us.
Benoit: GET OUT, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RING.
Jericho.
Jericho enters. Jericho gets in Eddy’s face. Jericho says that there’s one piece of gold that is only a rental. The Intercontinental Championship, the same Intercontinental Championship won by Bret Hart, won by Owen Hart, and won by Y2J…that Intercontinental Championship belongs to Y2J in the H2K – and he wouldn’t mind taking it from Eddy Guerrero right damn now.
Hit the Rock’s music.
Big Pop. Rock enters, he gets in Benoit’s face.
The Rock doesn’t care about the Clique, about the Harts, about the Alliance, about the Girl Scouts or the League of Nations or The Royal Order of the Tricycle Moonsault or your baby sister or your grandma’s sweet, creamy, potato chowder.
The Rock says this – the WWF doesn’t belong to any of you – and it sure doesn’t belong to you, Skippy McMahon– the WWF belongs….to the People.
And as the People’s Champion – the Rock’s ready to kick all your asses.
Hit Angle’s music.
Angle hits the ring and slowly looks multiple guys up and down. PAUL. Waltman, Helmsley. Rock, Jericho. Eddy. Angle finally settles in, nose to nose from Benoit. Tension building.
Angle: Chris Benoit. The Crippler. We’ve never met. Allow me to introduce myself….
I’m Kurt Angle.
NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RING!
That’s your money shot, Benoit freaks out – the full on brawl is underway. Which, of course, would lead perfectly into our annual…er…our every other annual tradition…
THE BATTLE ROYAL.
30 superstars…last many standing goes to Summer Slam and gets the shot at the WWF Title. Who will it be? Who will face Benoit at Summer Slam? Who? Who? Who?
1. Angle
2. Alabama Bob
3. Crash
-Angle’s got to go 1 on 2 against the Fightin’ Hollys – and he tosses them both over. Crash first (30) then Bob (29). Kurt Angle!
4. Kane
-he and Angle brawl in a big, red, way.
5. Young Lawler
-comes in, you know, dancing. He joins Kane in going after Angle. Clock’s ticking on Lawler, incidentally.
6. Morley
-Morley comes in on Kurt’s side, goes after the heels. I don’t know that Lawler’s a heel…but yeah, those guys are heels. They dance and the people hate the dancing. Want heel heat in my wrestling universe – that fucking worm, that’s heel heat. Morley’s good people, always going against the numbers. Raging against the machine. Fightin' the powers that be. Most of my heroes ain't appear on no stamp.
7. Taylor
-Since I’m thinking about it, might as well bring him in. He comes in with the heels. And now they’re going out. Lawler (28) by Angle and Morley. Taylor (27) by Angle and Morley. Tick, tick, tick.
8. Eddy
-Now, see how this works, Kane (who of course isn’t really a heel, he’s a tweener based on his relationship with his brother) joins Angle and Morley – all three guys all over Eddy. ‘Cause everyone hates the Alliance.
9. Perry
-‘Cause Eddy needs a buddy. 3 on 2.
10. Edge
-Although Edge is a heel, see, he joins the face group. 4 on 2. Everyone hates the Alliance.
11. Matt
-And although Edge and Matt are mortal enemies – Matt joins the face group. 5 on 2. And people should be digging that, E and M on the same side. E and Morley on the same side too, come to think of it. And here’s where we push the Alliance. Perry and Eddy fight back and dump Kane (26) and Morley (25). This breakdown peels Matt and Edge off into their own fight, ‘cause they can’t stand each other, after all. Incidentally, although the last year and a half hasn't been written fully out yet, the process for this is I have everything booked through present day, and ideally, I wanted to put Edge and Matt back together in 2005.
Oops.
12. Taz
-joins Angle, who he just met at Mania, against Eddy and Perry. The B fight is Matt v. Edge.
13. HHH
-Who’s a bigger heel than Hunter? He joins Angle and Taz against the Alliance. See?
14. Bubba
-joins the B fight, making it a 3 way, each man trying to get the other 2 out.
15. Billy Gunn
-Also a heel, and not only that, but a heel with a feud against Hunter. But he joins the face side, once again a 4 on 2 against the Alliance – and that has to be enough to get Perry (24). Hunter sees the opportunity, being a heel, and dumps Billy (23).
16. Christian
-Joins his brother in the B fight – which effectively puts Matt and Bubba together, further moving the Duds center. The A fight is HHH/Angle/Taz against Eddy. So, 8 guys in the ring.
17. Waltman (w/Trish)
-Waltman comes in, since he’s the last member of the Clique, Trish waited for him – now she’s directing traffic and has him go after Taz, Trish tells Hunter to join him, so now that’s the C fight. The A fight is Angle/Eddy. The B fight is Matt/Bubba v. E and C. 9 guys in the ring.
18. DVon (w/Stevie)
-Like the Clique, Stevie waited until the last member of the Hardcore Family entered. DVon joins the B fight, but now it’s a 3 way fight again, and Matt’s by himself. A fight and C fight stay the same. 10 guys in the ring, which is usually a good stopping point for a battle royal, but I’ll do one more.
19. Stevie
-The Duds music hits again, confusing the announce since Bubba and DVon were in the ring, Stevie smiles, takes off his suit jacket, tie, and shirt – to reveal the Flock of Seagulls half shirt, which he wears with his dress pants. Stevie hops in the ring, Steviekicking Edge into a 3D (22) and then doing the same to Matt (21). Stevie and the Dudleys turn their sights onto Christian in a 3 on 1. Other two fights remain the same. 9 in the ring.
20. Jeff
-Jeff, of course, is crazy, so he goes right after Stevie and the Dudleys – and we have Jeff and Christian, an unlikely team, with the aerial high flying spots that eliminate DVon (20) and then Bubba (19). Jeff v. Christian v. Stevie then becomes the new B fight. Other two stay the same. 8 guys in the ring.
21. Dean
-Dean is there to aid Eddy, the two double teaming Angle. And the B fight and C fight merge. Taz/Stevie v. Hunter, Waltman, Christian v. Jeff.
22. The Rock
-The Rock comes into the B fight, Rock Bottom on Christian (18). Rock Bottom on Stevie (17) Rock Bottom on Jeff (16). The Rock cleans house!
23. DLo
-And Rock sends him right out (15). Rock joins Angle for the 2 on 2 with Eddy and Dean. B fight is Taz v. HHH/Waltman. 7 in the ring. 7 still to come. Symmetry is kool!
24. Jericho
-Jericho joins Taz, ‘cause of that Clique/Hart thing, see – and they dump Waltman (14). And now HHH is down 2-1, the other fight is still 2-2.
25. Road Dogg
-Dogg joins his old buddy Hunter, but only momentarily, as Taz, Jericho, and Hunter all toss him out (13).
26. Taka
-Taka comes in on the side of Rock and Angle – and the three of them toss Dean (12) we note that Eddy maybe didn’t try as hard as he could have to save him. Huh.
27. Aguila
-Aguila (for the unitiated, Aguila/Papi Chulo/Essa Rios - all the same dude) He joins the faces in the A group – so it’s Aguila/Taka/Angle/Rock…and now joined by Jericho…5 on 1 against Eddy. All trying to bounce Eddy over the top. Taz and Hunter are now alone in the other fight.
28. Skip McMahon
-Actually, it’s Fatu – but when Fatu doesn’t enter, we see him in the back counting a lot of money – cut back to the aisle, here comes Shane. Later, Shane will promo saying that he wanted to prove that if he wants to be WWF Champion, he can be WWF Champion – that there’s no part of this company that he can’t buy. And one day soon that old man will die, if he isn't dead already, no one has seen him since WM XV – and then Skip will have him some real fun.
Skip doesn’t actually get in the ring – he stays outside.
29. PAUL~
- PAUL growls and brushes off the A fight (breaking up the 5 on 1, which is good) with a meaty paw. Aguila charges at PAUL – Aguila gets dumped (11). Taka charges. Dumped (10). PAUL goes to the HHH/Taz fight, grabs both men, picks each up high and chokeslams each over the top rope (9) and (8). PAUL~
The four men left in the ring, Rock, Jericho, Angle, and Eddy – team up and dump PAUL. (7) This freaks Skip out – who starts to turn to leave, but he’s stopped by…
30. Al
-The Snowman is number 30 – he grabs Skip, tossing him into the ring – and Skip (6) is tossed right out by Rock, Jericho, Angle, and Eddy – the group then turning on Al
(5).
Final four. They each go into the four corners for the wary staredown. The faces turn on Eddy – and toss him. (4)
3 left. Rock/Jericho/Angle to a 3 way – each trying to eliminate the other 2 – when the lights go out.
Bong. Bong. Bong.
Lights on – Undertaker is in the ring – he grabs Angle – and chokeslams him over the top rope!. (3)
Angle is pissed on the outside, he yells out "what the hell is that about?" but the Dead Man brushes him off and walks to the back, getting the boos – and it’s Rock and Jericho. Jericho and Rock. Rock and Jericho. Jericho and Rock.
The Rock tosses him.
The Rock is going to Summer Slam as the number one contender to meet Chris Benoit for the WWF Championship.
It’s 2000. Everyone loves the Rock.
Okay, Skip’s gonna wrestle in the opening tag. He says he has waited long enough for daddy to die, so he’s decided to prove once and for all how useless the WWF is, how useless wrestling is, how gauche all of you fans are who actually pay money to see men in their underwear beat each other up.
So, to prove his point – he’s going to wrestle. Against Steve Blackman.
New to the Counterfactual, Blackman’s a babyface jobber. But he is an actual wrestler, and Skip is Skip.
And yes, Skip knows that for the last 16 years every WWF PPV has started with a tag team match, but since the only thing worse than watching two wrestlers is watching four, he’s decided to change it. So, at Summer Slam, he’ll be defeating Steve Blackman. Toodles. That Skip has no respect for our traditions. Do you see? Do you see?
We’re gonna get Morley/Kane, based on whatever heat we could get from the battle royal. Kane’s a heel today. And he’s big and red.
From the battle royale, we’ve got the Clique v. the Hardcore Family. We’re gonna do Stevie against Waltman. And Hunter against Taz. What Hunter/Waltman really wanted was the Clique spot in the tag title match (recall, Trish said once E and C won the titles at Mania, they’d get the shot. Keep it in the family) So, she says the same thing – let E and C win the straps in the Hardy's home state of North Carolina – and then we can have a real family affair for the titles after that. Promise.
HHH/Waltman tell E and C they better win. E and C tell them to mind their own business. We can get 8 man stuff, throwing the Dudleys in the mix – that serves to push all 3 matches as we go to the PPV. HHH and Waltman treat Taz and Stevie like underlings – they’re ECW guys, minor leaguers. Taz and Stevie treat the Clique like pussies. They’ve never sacrificed. They don’t know what it’s like to fight for your life.
But they’ll learn at Summerslam.
Well, Taz says stuff like that – Stevie wears the half shirt and the dress pants.
And the Duds/E and C stuff leads to the tag title match, with they and the Hardys, in TLC II, which, coming off Mania, sells sweet, sweet tickets. Hardys come home to defend their belts.
Your other undercard match. Angle. Undertaker.
‘Taker’s turned heel. He cuts a promo explaining why he tossed Angle at the battle royal. Says he’s been here ten damn years. He ain’t a Hart, he ain’t Clique. Not Alliance. Not Hardcore. He’s just a legend. 4 time Legends Winner at Wrestlemania. He’s never asked for anything, just does his job.
After getting screwed out of his fifth legend's win at XV, he was told that next year, next year, the title shot would be his. He waits 11 months, trains, gets all the way to the month before Mania – and suddenly he has to beat Chris Benoit to keep his spot.
What kind of way is that to treat a legend? What kind of way is that to treat the Undertaker?
"So I went home, and when I was home I watched this kid on TV. Everyone talking about his unbeaten streak.
You know who had an unbeaten streak? You know who nobody beat for four years?
Me, goddamit. Me. I beat Hogan. I beat Yoko. Me, goddamit. Me.
I am not having some guy come in with a couple of gold medals coming in and taking what belongs to me. These people that chant your name – they should be chanting mine. Everyone’s talking about Kurt Angle – everyone says Kurt Angle’s gonna be a Champion. Everyone says, “Oh, just wait – just wait for Angle to learn the business – he’s going to be champ – he’s going to be great – he’s going to be a legend.”
Well, you aren’t a legend, kid. I’m a legend. At Summer Slam, I’ll show you what kind of legend. You're going to school, Angle."
So, there’s that.
Title matches….
Benoit/Rock, obviously. Rock does his Rock thing, he’s on the big roll now – and Benoit has taken over the company, so there’s that heat. And we’ll get the Guerrero/Jericho rematch. They do a best 2 out of 3 falls. Jericho goes over Dean in a singles to give him some momentum going into the show. Eddy was at ringside for Dean, wasn’t as quick to help him as he might have been. Huh.
Again.
It's Summer Slam 2000: Benoit/Rock for the big belt, Guerrero/Jericho rematch, 2 of 3 falls, TLC II, Taz/HHH, Angle/UT, Stevie/Waltman, Morley/Kane, and Skip against Steve Blackman. I miss the opening tag too. Somehow, we'll make it through this.
Summer Slam 2000 – Call your local thing!
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