Older than Twitter. Not quite as profitable. A pro wrestling counterfactual: What if the World Wrestling Federation was organized around workrate, around the idea that the pivotal word in the phrase "sports entertainment" is the first? Can one Ricky Steamboat pinfall put right what once went wrong? Go to the earliest archived post; scroll to December 19, 2005 "it begins" and you're ready to roll.
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Triple H, October 2011:
“When I grew up, I hated Hogan. I thought he was terrible and didn’t like to watch him. I was like Punk in a way. I liked the Steamboats and Flairs and the ones that could go. Would I be right in saying that Hogan was the wrong guy to go with, and they should’ve changed directions and gone with Steamboat because he was the better wrestler? Ludicrous.” - Triple H. October, 2011.
Royal Rumble 2003
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Survivor Series is here
Royal Rumble 2003 (Boston)
(Dark – Noble d. Spanky)
-Spanky hasn’t worked TV yet, he and Paul London are going to come in as Michaels’s protégées. They’ll debut after Mania. We’ll talk about them then.
Paul’s busy tonight – so it’s just JR and Taz.
1. TLC 4: Hardys (w/Bischoff) d. Dudleys (w/Paul E) d. E and C (w/Trish)
Our best ever opening tag match. This is a big stretcher-fest, the ambulances are in the back, paramedics everywhere – stretchers at ringside – as the clear promise was that everyone was going on on their backs. I want the ring surrounded by stretchers.
Jeff is the most badly hurt, this is gonna wrap him up in the Counterfactual, so they sell the severity of his injury. This is Edge’s last show before his neck surgery, he’s gonna be out over a year, so he gets carted away. The Counterfactual takes the Dudleys off the canvas, just because they don’t fit right now, they can go work Smackdown, but they’re off PPV. I’m gonna use the opportunity to bench Christian, he doesn’t work PPV until Survivor Series, so they’re taking him off the canvas too, he’s gonna sell injuries from this match. So everyone can get brutally hurt, lots of blood and broken things. 5 stretcher jobs. Everyone but Matt Hardy.
Bischoff gets involved, tipping over a ladder as a Dudley was about to win, Heyman and Bischoff then throw punches on the outside.
Matt’s the only survivor of the feud and we sell that as he’s going to get a high profile singles feud coming out of this (before he goes down with injury.) So, we clap for Matt and for the totality of the violent feud. Matt stands alone in the ring as the other five guys do a stretcher job, we put over that it is really over now – the greatest tag team feud ever, years of 2 and 3 way battles – comes to an end with only one survivor – Matt Hardy.
Matt and Bischoff wind up as the last two in the ring – Bischoff excited – Matt holding whatever thing he had to grab to win – hopefully, the dynamic of Matt’s unease with Bischoff is clear.
2. Leviathan (w/Flair) d. Stevie/Spike
Just an insight into the thought process, I don’t know if I’m ever gonna really push Batista, it’ll be a matter of numbers, but the guy can work a little bit (although not in 2003) and since he’s getting the real world push, he’s gonna be around awhile. So, he’s been protected in the counterfactual. Contrast that with Orton and Cena, for example, who haven’t been used yet. They will be, but as of right now they won’t get pushed. Stevie’s a better worker, and probably always will be – but Stevie doesn’t get used, whereas, I know I have Leviathan, who is really just a generic monster, like Sid, but a better wrestler. Contrast that with Brock, who was a really good wrestler – hence his big push.
So, Flair steps off the apron before the match starts – which surprises Leviathan and everyone else. Flair waves the big man on – for a second, we wonder if Flair is turning on him, but no – this is Flair playing trainer. Angle got to play trainer. Michaels is about to play trainer. Just is Flair’s turn. All about passing the torch to a new generation. He smiles broadly, cheering for the big man as Leviathan makes quick work in the handicap match. Demon Bombs all around. The announce is impressed by the big man. He’s a freaky monster!
3. Chavo (w/Leviathan and Flair) d. Tajiri
And now Chavo. Chavo comes to the ring where Leviathan and Flair remain after their match – he tells them to watch, watch, watch – he’ll prove himself again. It’s a terrific match, Chavo goes over, the three men stomp Tajiri out. Chavo holds up the four fingers – but Flair and Leviathan shake their heads no – Flair says not yet – almost, almost Horseman material – but not yet Chavo. More to do. More to prove yourself. Chavo, hotheaded, young, classic little brother syndrome behind Eddy think real world Owen’s character in relation to Bret, the brattiness, the jealousy. Except Chavo isn’t a brat, he doesn’t pout, he proves himself by being extra dangerous, taking more bump than he needs to take, dishing out more dirty punishment, he’s a SpreeKiller at heart, he just wants to take a lot of speed and beat on someone. But now he uses that same underlying dissatisfaction to try to prove to Eddy…to prove to Flair, who is everyone’s daddy after all, that he belongs with them – I’m an elite wrestler too his actions are crying out. Love me. Love me! That’s who Chavo is.
4. Lance (w/Stacy) d. Regal
Yeah, I screwed Regal, had to use him as enhancement after they gave him the IC early on, but I just never got to use him consistently enough. In 2005, I’ll get him a little bit. Regal leaves PPV for awhile after here. Lance with the half crab tap out, we get all the Lance/Stacy stuff – they’re very excited – we follow them to the back where, caught up in the moment and thinking they’re alone, they have their first kiss.
They just couldn’t hold back the passion anymore. It just spills out. Soapy.
The kiss, of course, is seen by Jericho, who is up next, and went to congratulate Lance and see if Stacy would go to the ring with him.
Instead, he sees the kiss, and his heart breaks.
Jericho’s too stunned to speak – Lance and Stacy see him and feel terribly and try to apologize, but there’s no time, Jericho’s music hits – and he has to go. He’s open mouthed, shocked, and just backs away.
5. Jericho d. Brock (w/Angle) (DQ)
Bad guy for Jericho to meet now. He enters in a daze, he doesn’t do his Jericho “break the walls down” pose, no emotion, no fire, and he’s going to meet Brock Lesnar.
And Brock takes him apart. Eventually, we get the angry babyface comeback where Jericho takes it out on Brock, you know, Jericho snaps into place, his wrestling instinct takes over, he’s a motherfucking Hart, for Chrissakes – and for the first time in Brock’s career, he’s bloodied up.
But that just sets Brock off – Brock gets frustrated and goes chairshot crazy on Jericho – blasting him into tomorrow and then F5ing him on the chair. Then doing it again. Then doing it again. That’s your DQ. Jericho’s busted wide open, lying motionless on the chair as Brock draws the DQ.
Brock laughs, grabs some of Jericho’s blood and smears the letters Y2J on his chest. Brock paints himself with Jericho’s own blood.
That’s enough for Angle. He’s largely been watching passively, seeing more of what Brock does, really taking in the crowd reaction, but he hasn’t interfered at all in any direction – he’s just watched. But as Brock paints himself with Jericho’s blood to the shocked boos of the crowd, Angle gets in the ring and finally pulls Brock away – Angle yells at Brock, telling him this just isn’t right and Brock shoves him away.
You don’t just shove Kurt Angle – he pauses for a second – and then he shoves right back at Brock. Brock fires back, takes shots at Angle. Angle moves Brock into a hammerlock, yelling that he won’t hit Brock. Brock escapes the hold, takes more shots, Angle again moves Brock into a hold, telling him to stop it, telling him they’ll work it out, telling him it’s not too late, it’s not too late – Brock escapes the hold, clotheslines Angle, then F5s him.
Brock spits on Angle, tells him that it is too late. And leaves.
Lance and Stacy come to the ring. Both trying to see how Jericho is – Jericho is a bloody mess, and as Lance and Stacy revive him, he remembers what has happened and lunges at Lance, but the blood loss causes him to slip and fall. Jericho continues to try to stand, to get at Lance, who has the guiltiest look he can muster, but each time he rises he falls again in his own blood. Lance and Stacy are both clearly upset, there’s no heel turn, the heart wants what it wants (although they get booed, obviously) and Jericho is left in the ring, bloody, broken, battered. Jericho and Angle in the ring together, both bloodied, betrayed, broken hearted. Storytelling~
6. Unified Tags: Haas/Benjamin d. Benoit/Guerrero (w/Horsemen)
Angle doesn’t come with them, obviously, breaking his promise. ‘Member, the promise to come to the ring no matter what? They are more pissed than disappointed. Haas and Benjamin not helping as Angle is being helped to the back while they wait to be introduced – they watch him go by, and they shake their heads as come out alone.
The other team…Eddy and Chris ask Flair/Leviathan/Chavo to leave before the match starts, ‘cause they want the wrestling challenge clean. As part of the buildup, they show how Benoit and Eddy are impressed with the amateur credentials of the kids, and so they can’t wait for chance to face them straight up.
Shockingly, Team Angle goes over clean, in the big upset, Benjamin pins Benoit with the exploder suplex. It’s a shocker, as the two world champions lose to the two rookies. Great match, crowd goes bananas. There’s a four man nose to nose after the match – and Benoit and Eddy extend their hands to the kids…
…the Horsemen, and Chavo, run in – they beat Haas and Benjamin down. Beat, beat, beat, beat --- Eddy and Chris try to pull them off – nope, beat, beat, beat beat….Eddy is torn…but joins in…beat, beat, beat, beat…..
And Benoit turns face. German to Leviathan. German to Flair. German to Chavo. Pause….Pause….German to Eddy. Big pop!
The Horsemen exit up the aisle, jawing at Benoit, as they disappear – Benoit and Eddy have a lingering stare, what’s in Eddy’s mind, doubt? Betrayal? Does he wish he had the ability to stand up to his heelish nature – or does he think Benoit sold out? He and Benoit have a lingering stare (note, Lance/Jericho, Angle/Brock, Benoit/Eddy, three different types of betrayal. I enjoy the levels) and Benoit remains in the ring, helping up Haas and Benjamin and getting the face pop.
7. Worldwide Titles: Mysterio d. RVD (w/Paul E)
Little Rey wins his first ever WWF belt, grabbing the IC from Van Dam. It’s a lights out high flying match. Rey slips the Van Daminator, Paul E and RVD collide with the chair – Rey with the hurricanarana roll up for the fall. Little Rey! We pop for the diminutive Mexican after the terrific workrate match.
8. Undisputed World Championship: Angle d. HBK
He’s Kurt Angle after all.
It’s all drama, the Triple Crown winner, Shawn Michaels trying one more time – maybe one last time – to win the WWF Title – Kurt Angle, besieged on all sides, still unbeaten, WWF Champion nearly two years. Angle is still injured from the Lesnar attack, he moves slowly, uncertainly, his back seems to be a problem, perhaps his neck, he’s clearly not right. Michaels, of course, wrestles with his own bad back, but his confidence grows as he sees that Angle is not 100%, and Michaels, the veteran, the champion, begins to take advantage, he seizes opportunities, he takes advantage – who knows if Shawn Michaels will ever – ever have this spot again – and he wrestles like it’s his last ever show.
Every second is dramatic, Angle kicks out of the top rope elbow, Michaels kicks out of the Angle Slam. Angle kicks out after a superkick. Michales gets to the ropes when placed in the ankle lock.
Angle eventually gets the submission win, Michaels hangs in the ankle lock as long as he could but then taps. Incidentally, I wrote that before their Mania match. Just saying.
No boos for Angle as he tries to make his way to the buckle with his belts, both because he finally did something to stop Brock and because of the quality of the match – but Angle can’t accept the cheers or boos anyway, he’s too tired to make his way up the buckles in his traditional postmatch celebration, he can’t even lift the belts over his head in triumph. An exhausted Angle slumps over.
…and he’s attacked by Brock. Brock pounds away, Angle totally defenseless. Angle exhausted, and still won’t throw a punch at his protégée. Michaels now has recovered, and yanks Brock off Angle and sets up for a superkick.
But Brock slips it – and Michaels catches Angle flush as he was just getting to his feet.
Brock then gets the advantage on Michaels, Brock pounding away at Michaels.
Save by a returning HHH.
Hunter returns, good pop. Hunter and Michaels battle Brock, getting the advantage. Hunter and Michaels doubleteaming Lesnar down.
Angle awakes. Angle, perhaps drawn by instinct, or perhaps realizing only that it was Michaels who superkicked him – comes in on Brock’s side.
Angle goes in on his protégées side, he and Brock fight Michaels and HHH – run in by Haas and Benjamin – the new tag champs – they go in with the full Team Angle and it’s a four on two that drives Hunter and HBK from the ring. Team Angle reunites!
Angle takes the mic….Angle exhausted, bloody, but trying to be the trainer, trying to fix it, trying to be the wrestling coach until the end. Angle talking to his boys…he says they’ve been through a lot together…the TV show, the training, ups and downs – and tonight, he and Brock even fought each other, which he can’t believe ever happened. He’s sorry. He takes full responsibility. He’s been hung up on his own stuff, on his belts, on his unbeaten streak, and wasn’t taking care of his students. He’s very sorry. A little tear would be good.
“But look where we are at the end of the night – Charlie and Shelton – you beat two of the greatest wrestlers who ever lived. I couldn’t be more proud. And Brock – you might be the most dominant athlete in all the WWF. And when we needed to – when we had to come together – we did. And why? Because we’re Team Angle. We are Team Angle.”
The people boo. Kurt says don’t listen. Don’t listen.
Brock takes the mic. “Kurt, thanks for all the training, thanks for helping us get into the WWF, it’s meant a lot to all of us. And I’m sorry for how I acted. Really, really I am. And I could change. Really, really, I could, Kurt.
But I ain’t gonna. And the thing of it is, Kurt. The only thing I’m sorry for, is not kicking you to the curb six months earlier. And when you say don’t listen to these fans….I never have. And I stopped listening to you a long time ago, Kurt.
Make that…we stopped listening to you a long time ago, Kurt.
Because we aren’t Team Angle anymore.
We’re Team Lesnar.”
Brock, Haas, and Benjamin all turn on Angle – totally taking him apart. Triple teams, F5s – they leave him completely battered in the middle of the ring. Haas and Benjamin are less evil than very disappointed – they clearly needed Kurt, he let them down, so they took the next best offer. They are hurt as they attack Angle – whereas, Lesnar’s just enjoying the hell out of himself. Lesnar almost giggling as he busts Angle open. Lesnar starts waving up the aisle, as if waving for someone to come save Kurt.
But who would do that?
Nobody comes, which is Lesnar’s point, he’s mocking Kurt, mocking the fans, mocking the Undisputed Champion as he takes the WWF title and drops it atop Angle’s body as the show ends.
Wrestlemania XIX is coming from Seattle.
We’re gonna have a legend’s match. Hogan returns, calls out the Dead Man and says they’re gonna have the tiebreaking match. It’s 4-4 – and one of them is about to be called the All Time Wrestlemania Legend.
Undertaker enters.
Undertaker and Hogan go nose to nose – fans pop for the old men. Kane and PAUL~ come to the ring. Undertaker says – or, maybe we don’t have to wait for XIX – maybe we kick your ass right now.
So they do.
At some later point, Hogan comes back and calls DMW out. They say didn’t he get enough the last time? Hogan says he wanted to do a singles Legend’s Match at XIX – but there’s nothing that says it can’t be a tag. So if the Dead Man and his Dead Friends want some at XIX – he can do that, brother.
Undertaker says it looks like you’ve lost it in your old age, Hogan. There’s three of us, but only one of you.
Hogan says at Mania, brother, at Mania, whatchu gonna do when Hulk Hogan and his partner…..
….Rowdy Roddy Piper….
Run wild on you.
Piper didn’t do any TV here, so we’re stuck with clips – ideally, he’d do a promo, but we don’t have that.
And that’s how you use these guys. Bottom of the card, bring in that segment of the buying public.
Also doing the high profile return at XIX – the Rock.
We’re gonna get “I’m From Hollywood” with the Rock. They turn him during ordinary puff pieces showing him on Conan or at an awards show or a premiere – and he big times some wrestling fans. “I loved the Nation of Domination, Rock!” – Rock says, “Wrestling – aw, that was a hundred years ago – now, what you should love is the Scorpion King – go to Blockbuster, it’s 22.95.” He charges for autographs, says he’s too busy for wrestling questions, ‘cause he wants to talk about his acting “process.” He’s pretentious, forgot his roots, acting guy.
That kinda thing.
So, finally the Rock returns – and he does his Andy Kauffman schtick he did for awhile. Sunglasses, expensive suits, Rock’s got no time for the little people, Rock says this – if you want to see the Rock – you got to pay the Rock. “Rock – please come to Wrestlemania. Rock – we want to see you in a Legend’s Match again.”
“The Rock says this, the Rock says there isn’t anyone in the locker room worth bruising the Rock’s knuckles on. The Rock’s fought Brendan Fraser – you think now the Rock should go one…on one…with Tommy Dreamer?”
“The Rock says this, In Hollywood, the way you get parts is to audition – so over the next 6 weeks, the Rock will go one on one with whatever jabroni comes through that curtain – if any of them can last ten minutes with the Rock – then he will have the privilege of losing to me in the Legends Match at Wrestlemania.”
Yeah, we’re doing two Legends Matches. Wanna make something of it?
So, 6 weeks….week one….Spanky.
As mentioned, Spanky’s one of the Michaels trainees (Angle has trainees, Flair, etc..) this is his TV debut. He’s a pretty boy junior, a high flyer, really good – babyface type. He’s wearing a Texas Wrestling Academy t-shirt. We learn he’s a Shawn Michaels trainee. He’s Spanky. Rock makes fun of him. Rock wins in 8 minutes. Spanky will work dark again at Mania.
Week two…DLo Brown. Hi, DLo! DLo, gone for a couple of years, returns for the chance to kick the Rock’s ass. We do the back and forth with the old Nation members, some good nostalgia – and then the Rock wins in 8:30.
Week three…Dreamer. Tommy’s got a cane, says can Brendan Fraser do this – and he levels the Rock with the cane – the Rock recovers though and gets the fall in 7 minutes.
Week four…Morley. Morley says he’s never liked bullies and the Rock comes here with his two thousand dollar suits thinking he can order everyone around, well Ulysses S. Morley says that he’s gonna kick the Rock’s candy ass.
Rock in nine minutes.
Week five – Helms. Helms attacks the Rock as he goes out to the ring – Helms works the Rock over – but is pinned in 9:30. Helms is attacked after the match by Rhyno and Shannon Moore, his old NWA partner, debuting in the WWF. Rhyno and Moore are shirtless, with the grafitti scrawled over their bodies, in classic SpreeKiller fashion. The idea would be that they’re taking the gimmick away from Helms. It’s a fight over the SpreeKiller name. Moore says the SpreeKillers were his idea, they’re his life – and Helms got hired by the WWF and ripped him off. Well, now he and Rhyno are the real SpreeKillers.
Week six. Booker. Booker says he only wrestles when he gots to get paid – and there ain’t no payday like beating the Rock at Wrestlemania payday – if you smell what the Book is bakin’. Whenever Book’s on TV, he gives a fan money to do a chore, carry something, shine something, take Book to the club after the match. Book pays fans money! See, ‘cause normally, a fan would pay to carry a wrestler’s robe, Book says, nah, Brothers gots to Gets Paid! So he’ll peel off a 20, and the fan brings him a soda.
Rock pins him in 9:59. So, so, so close.
Rock says no one could cut it – no one passed the audition – there’s no one in this company who can hang with the Scorpion King.
So, ciao, baby dolls.
Glass breaks. Austin.
Austin to the ring. Doesn’t speak, doesn’t break stride. Stunner. Pinfall. Referee counts. 1-2-3. Austin says “See you in Seattle, Scorpion King.” Then throws the mic down and leaves. Just that simple.
So, we’re gonna get Rock/Austin – two legends matches at Mania!
How about 3 hot workrate based matches?
Matt won the right to go to Mania when the Hardys won the last TLC – but Jeff is in no condition to wrestle (carny for, he’s really high all of the time) but that doesn’t mean Matt Hardy isn’t going to Wrestlemania! Bischoff gets him a singles match. Bischoff explains that Matt’s been here nearly a decade, since he was a kid carrying Shawn Michaels’s bags, and somehow, in all that time, he’s never had a singles match on PPV. But there’s a guy who walked in off the street – out of a bingo hall, and got a shot at the WWF Title. Somehow, he’s already had 2 singles belts. 2? Matt Hardy has been here nearly a decade, he’s never gotten one.
How long is the WWF gonna screw Matt Hardy, Bischoff says.
Edge. Gone. Christian. Gone. Those crappy Dudley Boys. Gone.
Matt Hardy’s going to Wrestlemania – and he’s calling out Rob…Van….Dam…
RVD and Paul E enter. Paul says that’s sweet – and he’s never wanted to discourage a young man from pursuing his dreams, but Matt’s always been, you know, the other guy in the Hardy Boys. It would be like Marty Jannetty challenging RVD and that’s not a very appealing matchup – so, thanks for the offer, but, we’ll pass.
This riles Matt up, and eventually they make their way to the match.
What we have here is babyface with heel manager. But Bischoff’s wearing Matt down.
And Paul E’s still a heel, although he hates Bischoff, so there is certainly a babyface pop for him on occasion.
One RAW, as Paul continues to denigrate Matt’s ability, Bischoff’s worked him to a point that Matt attacks Van Dam. Can Matt prove himself as a single? Big stage, big opponent. Can Matt step up, handle the pressure – or should he go find himself another tag partner. Like that.
We’re gonna get Jericho/Lance, obviously.
Loser Leaves Town. Jericho doesn’t clown at all – he’s heartbroken and edgy. He doesn’t give them an inch – says Stacy’s just a slut, even if she does have 42 inch legs, but Lance, you and I were supposed to be brothers. We were carrying on the legacy of the Hart Foundation – and you gave all that up, Lance, you gave all that up for a piece of ass.
Lance only gets hot at Jericho when he insults Stacy – he says nothing happened – I fell in love with her, but we didn’t act on it – and now she’s gone – isn’t that enough for you, Chris?
Jericho says nope – I want you gone too. This is my house. I am the Hart Foundation now.
Lance says he can’t do that – this is the only place he ever wanted to be – he knows he screwed up and he’s sorry – but he’s not leaving.
Jericho says then he’s gonna make him.
So – they do the full on war up to Mania – and at Mania, it’s a Loser leaves town.
Neither man has turned – it’s not a Lance/Stacy turn – it was just a mistake – but Jericho won’t here it and cuts vicious, withering promos on both. Stacy’s a no talent piece of ass – Lance would still be pumping gas in Calgary if not for him. Jericho’s mean, angry, hurt. Betrayed.
And we also have…Benoit/Guerrero. Whew. Wrestlemania, daddy.
We now get the up close and personal face treatment for Benoit now. Calgary, Dynamite Kid, Stu, Japan, ECW, NWA, the Alliance, we reveal for the first time that he had spinal surgery when he was out a year, we show the footage, talk to doctors, we talk about the Horsemen – when Flair called him personally and said he had a way for him to get back in the WWF – he jumped. He respects Flair, he was a Horseman in NWA – and he would have done anything to get back in. But it wasn’t what he wanted – he had changed somewhere – he remembered something Chris Jericho said to him when they were feuding over the WWF Title – that he was a Hart – that by coming back to the WWF – he was coming home.
So, here comes the Benoit face run. He embraces the Hart legacy and takes his rightful spot as that guy.
They promo Eddy and Benoit. Eddy telling Benoit he betrayed him, he betrayed Ric, he betrayed my nephew Chavo. Benoit telling Eddy he didn’t come back after a year with a broken neck to walk behind Ric Flair. Chris Benoit wasn’t the WWF Champion because of the Alliance, Chris Benoit was WWF Champion because of Chris Benoit – and if Eddy had any cajones, he’d tell the Horsemen where they could go and fight him one on one like a man.
Eddy will have Flair and Leviathan and Chavo in his corner. Eddy has an ambivalence, but he doesn’t play it – instead they are full on heel, Benoit’s a traitor, that’s all Eddy sees, and in their first ever WWF match – Eddy’s gonna take Benoit out. We’ll do a spot where Eddy goes over someone and the Horsemen interfere to aid – Eddy cuts a promo saying all his career, he’s had to walk behind Chris Benoit – he’s had to hear that he was a great wrestler – but not as great as Benoit – at Wrestlemania – Eddy has to prove that he’s every bit the wrestler than Chris Benoit is – and he has to do it by himself.
So, Eddy is a Horseman – and if the Horsemen want to come to the ring, that’s fine, but Eddy has to beat Benoit by himself. After the match, we will cut him to pieces – but during the match, it’s just got to me. The rest agree, continually selling how Benoit sold them out, how Benoit always has to be the man, how Benoit couldn’t stand that Eddy was showing him up. And if we’re paying attention, we see that Chavo’s manipulation of his Uncle is canny, that when Chavo says, “you know, Uncle Eddy, what it’s like to be the better man, but always have to be seen as second best” that he’s not really talking about Chris and Eddy, he’s talking about Eddy and himself. Eddy doesn’t see that Chavo is playing jealous little brother, as he’s locked in on playing angry little brother to Benoit, while Benoit is really playing coming into his own little brother to Flair by leaving the Horsemen.
Levels. Many, many levels.
Seriously, wouldn’t that be enough? Eddy v Benoit, Y2J v Lance in the loser leaves town, RVD v. Matt with Heyman and Bischoff, Rock v. freaking Steve Austin and Hogan/Piper taking on DMW, the all time legend;s record on the line? You’d buy just that freaking card, wouldn’t you, Chico? I know you would. That’s your Wrestlemania money right there.
But we got title matches too. 3 of them.
The tags….the kids, Team Lesnar: Haas and Benjamin defend against the two guys they attacked at the end of the Rumble, HBK and HHH. Michaels and Hunter do the veteran thing – Michaels won the tag title with Marty 14 years ago – and it all comes full circle here. Now he’s the veteran – and with his best friend HHH (who has never won a belt, so he plays that angle) they’re up against these hotshot kids – who won everyone over and then went heel. Haas and Benjamin now run with Brock – sure, they turned because Kurt liked Brock more than them – but who they turned to was Brock, which only makes sense if you squint.
The three of them attack the Clique during one RAW – and returning to make the face save….Nash. Nash? Fuck you, Big Daddy Cool is back.
Gone a year – Nash cleans house with the big boot – he’ll be in the Clique corner for the title match.
Rey’s got the IC…and he’s defending against the Evil Horseman Chavo. Chavo attacks Rey at every chance, as do Flair and Leviathan. It’s a high flying match, and the long Chavo push pays off as he’s in the secondary title match on the biggest show of the year. Chavo’s gonna prove himself at Wrestlemania by winning the Worldwide belts from Little Rey.
And there’s the big, big main event.
Angle disappears for a couple/three weeks after the Rumble – where is he – where’s the WWF Champion – Wrestlemania is coming, what will we do?
He comes back unannounced, wearing a suit.
Angle is subdued when he says he has some video to show us.
It’s Angle, hospital, doctor shows X-rays, says Angle’s rebroken his neck, says Angle must retire – if Angle steps foot in the ring again, he risks paralysis.
Which, of course, is all true. It’s a shoot, daddy. It’s a damn shoot.
Crowd is stunned. Announce is stunned. Angle, tear in his eye, says he’s looking around for another opinion, for some type of treatment, but right now, it sort of looks like he has to retire.
…but not before Wrestlemania.
Angle says Bret Hart was WWF Champion 2 straight years, no one’s ever done it more in the modern era – “when I was wrestling amateurs, there weren’t a lot of wrestlers who I watched – but the one guy I watched was Bret Hart. He went two years. So, I’m going two years and one day. I’m going two years and one day. I won a gold medal with a broken neck. I’m going two years and one day if it kills me.
I’m going to go to Wrestlemania – I met with the TitanTrust this morning, I signed away all claims against the WWF if I get hurt – I’m going to Wrestlemania – and I’m going to win – and then the next night, I will walk to this ring…
..Angle gets choked up…
…and I will give up my Undisputed Championship and retire undefeated.”
Hit Brock’s music.
Brock comes to the ring – smirking, shaking his head – Brock says, “no, no no – you think you’re gonna get out of here without standing across the ring from me? For years I’ve waited for this, Kurt. When I was a kid wrestling – I heard all about the great Kurt Angle, won gold medals with a broken neck, when you were training me at Camp Angle – I couldn’t wait for the day when I could snap you in half – to take all that crap – all that training – all that advice without just laying you out. It was all I could do not to laugh right in your face, little man.
And now you think you’re gonna quit without getting on the mat with me? Not gonna happen Kurt – no way I’m gonna let that happen.”
Angle says “you’re right, it’s not going to happen.
When I said I was going to Wrestlemania so I could hold the WWF title two straight years, I left something out.
I’m going to Wrestlemania to do something I should have done a long time ago, Brock.
I’m going to Wrestlemania to kick your ass.”
And we do the nose to nose.
So, that’s the show. Angle, with the broken neck, defending against Lesnar (I think the first Mania where we duplicated the main event) Rey v. Chavo for the Worldwide, Team Lesnar against the Clique for the tags, Eddy meets Benoit at Wrestlemania, Lance v. Y2J in the soapy loser leaves town , RVD v. Matt, Austin v. Rock, Hogan/Piper v. DMW.
You love me a little bit, don’t you? Just a little?
Yup. Buy it.
Hennig’s died in this stretch, so they devote a show to him in this stretch – clips, interviews, and they show his Survivor Series WWF Title win over Savage.
Wrestlemania 19!
Survivor Series 2002
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Summer Slam is here.
Survivor Series 2002 MSG
(Dark – Flair/Leviathan d. Haas/Benjamin)
JR/Paul E/Taz is your announce team.
Angle and Brock enter at the top of the show to the big mixed reaction. Angle pauses, now recognizing the booing – which makes him hot.
“Thanks, you know what, thanks, There are days when my body is sore, when it’s hard to get out of bed, when just the thought of coming to the ring to defend these titles is a lot for me to cope with – but then I think that someplace, somewhere, there is a fan who has never seen Kurt Angle wrestle, and I wouldn’t want that fan to leave the arena, or turn off his television, having seen me give less than my best effort and thing, Well, that guy wasn’t so great – that’s the guy with the gold medals – that’s the guy who was undefeated?
So, every day I keep going. Why? Because I’m Kurt Angle.
And now, when I limp out of bed in the morning – I won’t be thinking about that fan – I’ll be thinking about you people – I’ll be thinking about the way you booed me tonight, and more importantly, the way you’ve treated my friend Brock Lesnar – and that will just fuel me even more. I can take it. I’m Kurt Angle. I’m the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World, oh yeah. But for you to boo some kid, some kid just trying to make his way, some kid just learning the business, for you to boo Brock Lesnar just because he’s an amateur wrestler, just because he’s a physical specimen the likes of which this sport has never seen before, just because he won the Camp Angle Challenge, for you to turn on Brock Lesnar – it’s just wrong. It’s just wrong New York City – and I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed in you WWF fans. Kurt Angle is disappointed in you.
So, if you want to cheer for Chris Jericho tonight – if you want to chant Y2J…Y2J…you go right ahead – because tonight will end like every night has ended in the World Wrestling Federation since I stepped foot in the building – the guy getting his hand raised will be me. Why? Because I’m Kurt Angle. The greatest wrestler of all time.”
Angle, legitimately not understanding why the fans have turned on him, leaves, not noticing as Brock smirks at the crowd as they exit. Maybe Brock flips the crowd the finger.
1. Dudleys d. Hardys (DQ)
As has been set up, Jeff’s turned on the influence of the mystery manager – Matt’s reluctant but the Hardys lack of movement in the hierarchy of the company has caused him to go along with Matt and the svengali like manager, whose appearance is so shocking that we still don’t know his name.
Until we do. Lights out.
Lights on. In the ring…
Eric Bischoff.
Crowd is shocked – Heyman, on the announce, flips out completely. Bischoff comes to the ring with Singapore canes – he tosses them to Matt and Jeff – Jeff lays into both Dudleys, drawing the DQ – Jeff is reveling in being bad – he splatters the Dudleys – Bischoff yells at Matt to join in right now – and eventually Matt does. Matt takes no joy in laying in with the canes, but does anyway. Bischoff grabs Matt’s and Jeff’s arms and thrusts them victoriously in the air – Jeff is excited, Matt looks conflicted – Eric’s Eric – and Heyman is screaming from the announce.
Eric cuts promo – says he doesn’t blame the WWF for running his NWA out of business. Sure, the WWF is a goliath and used its size in an anticompetitive fashion to destroy its chief competition in the way that the robber barons used to back in the gilded age. Sure, if Congress had any balls they’d use antitrust legislation to bust this place up like they did Standard Oil. But he doesn’t blame the WWF.
Who he blames for ruining his life – are the fans.
They boo, of course. Which is the idea.
See – because the NWA had everything – we had stars and we had great wrestling and we had cruiserweight excitement and we had hot chicks and we broke stuff. We had ladder matches and tables matches – we had thumbtacks and set stuff on fire.
And no matter what we did – everytime the NWA tried to get a little foothold, tried to get some traction – everytime it looked like it was going to be Eric Bischoff who was king of wrestling --- some idiot fans would start this chant…
Bischoff looks at Heyman.
“I can’t remember what it was…”
ECW chant starts.
“Yeah, that’s it. E-C-W…the three worst letters in the English language. E-C-W. When fans who had paid money to come to an NWA show – and I want you people to understand my irritation here – when fans who had paid money to come to an NWA show, wanted to express how much they were enjoying that show – what did they chant?
ECW.
How the hell am I supposed to compete with the monster that is the World Wrestling Federation, when you people won’t stop your idiot, sheep like chanting. Morons. All of you people are morons.
And there’s the lead moron (pointing dead at Heyman) right there. Paul Heyman.”
Okay – you get the point. We’re gonna get Heyman/Bischoff stuff. For awhile.
2. Lance (w/Stacy) d. Edge (w/Trish and Christian)
Christian and Trish don’t make it to the end of the match, as Eric and the Hardys re-enter with the canes – the Hardys laying Christian out – and then Eric takes out Trish,. Edge’s distraction lets Lance get control. Earlier in the match, when Edge is holding the ropes on an attempted pinfall, Stacy pulls the ropes away – and at the finish, when Edge is reaching for the ropes when trying to break out of the half crab – Stacy pulls the ropes away again. Edge is forced to submit, Stacy and Lance hug and hug and hug and hug.
Lot of affection between those two.
3. Rey d. Regal
The matches get better and better, you gotta deliver for your base. Regal taunts Rey early, using his size and his genetically superior breeding, but Rey’s speed takes over, similar to Rey/Angle, ‘cept that Rey goes over at the end with the hurricanarana roll up. Little Rey!
4. No DQ: Chavo (w/Flair and Leviathan) d. Helms
This has to be crazy, as the Spree Killers explode. Their high flying in ring stuff is terrific, but this is a blood feud, and neither guy is really turning face, so they have to pummel each other in a bad, bad way. Spot-tastic. Finish comes when Leviathan runs in and Demon Bombs Helms through the Spanish announce. Evil Chavo cackles at the sight of his evil partner’s bloody and broken body. Leviathan drags Helms back into the ring for the fall. Flair puts Helms in the figure four postmatch as Chavo and Leviathan stomp away. There’s no mercy at all for Helms. Postmatch, Flair and Leviathan put up the four fingers, but when Chavo attempts to – he’s stopped by Leviathan. They go nose to nose…Flair steps in and tells Chavo that he’s almost a Horseman, he’s almost proved himself – but not quite yet.
5.Brock (w/Angle) d. HHH (countout)
Finish comes when Brock F5s HHH on the ramp. Which they’ll sell like a homicide. The back will flood out to help HHH – Brock will laugh his ass off as he climbs back in the ring and makes the referee count Hunter out, Brock counting to ten right along with him. I like Brock laughing as they load HHH on a stretcher, Brock counting to ten with the ref.
Angle, who had been with Brock the whole way, cheering for Brock, acting as Brock’s manager – is shocked at the maneuver – and we see Angle stand open mouthed as he sees the F5 to the ramp. Angle stares at the body of HHH – turns his head to stare at Brock, who again is counting aloud in the ring as the fans are shocked at the carnage. Angle is frozen in place, slack jawed, as he watches HHH writhe on the ramp, watches the back (Arn! Fit! Dean!) come down to aid Hunter. Angle snaps out of it – goes to help Hunter himself, he gets there just as Michaels, in his gear as he waits for the Ladder match, gets there. Michaels shoves Angle away hard as he gets to the ramp – Angle attempts to apologize to Michaels, attempts to say he’s not sure what happened – Michaels starts firing at Angle with right hands --- Angle returns the blows - Brock leaves the ring – charges and takes Michaels down, pummeling him with lefts and rights – Michaels and Brock fight feverishly, Angle in the middle – Angle firing at Michaels. The officials who aren’t tending to HHH split them up – Michaels is furious as he goes to tend to HHH who is stretchered away now. Angle stares hard at Brock, Brock’s demeanor changing, Brock whining “what did I do? What did I do?”
6. Unified Tags: Benoit/Guerrero (w/Flair/Leviathan/Chavo) d. Noble/Kidman
Another super match. Time to note now that Benoit and Eddy aren’t quite the same guys as they were when they left, they cut their hair, they’ve softened in the eyes a bit, owing to their age. We haven’t officially taken note of any of this yet, since they’ve really taken roles behind Flair as Horsemen. But as we see them here, we note that it’s largely a clean match – and they are impressed with the kids, particularly Benoit should be impressed with Noble, who really is doing a style like a mini-Benoit. I want as much Benoit/Noble as possible, where we see Benoit really appreciate Noble’s ringwork. Both Benoit and Eddy, in fact, seem a little irritated with the interference by the rest of the Horsemen. The Horsemen interfere – Benoit and Guerrero glare at them – there’s a spot where, say, with Noble knocked outside, Benoit makes sure to get to him before the Horsemen can, so he can throw him back into the ring.
They win clean, Benoit getting Kidman to submit. It’s a great match – afterward, the Horsemen and Chavo enter for the beatdown – Benoit intercepts. Benoit shakes his head – says no, come on – no – Leviathan gets in Benoit’s face – and it looks briefly like they’re gonna go – but Flair intercedes, Flair leads Benoit from the ring, talking to him – allowing Leviathan, Chavo, and eventually Eddy to do the postmatch beatdown of Noble and Kidman. Benoit turns around, conflicted, the fans wanting him to run back to the ring…but he doesn’t.
7. Worldwide Belts: Ladder Match: RVD (w/Paul E) d. HBK
A great night of wrestling. This will be a mixed crowd, it’s NY, so that’s ECW country – and MSG still does ECW chants – so, for a ladder match between Van Dam and Michaels in 2002 – with Paul E leading the chants – there will be a lot of Van Dam support. Add in that some folks dislike Michaels for his young Clique days – or maybe even for his opposition to Angle, who certainly has hardcore supporters – and I expect a lot of dueling HBK…RVD chants. Van Dam goes over clean here – grabbing the 3 belts --- hey, actually, that does make for a Souped Up ladder match –
I’m changing the stip….
It’s not enough to grab one belt, but you have to grab 2 of the 3…so, let’s say first Van Dam grabs the ECW TV, then Michaels grabs the NWA US, finally Van Dam climbs up to grab the IC and get the win. It’s a super duper ladder match. Probably kills Michaels in the process. Yeah, that’s good fun. A 2 of 3 Belt Ladder Match. I just invented a new match. Has anyone else done that match? Am I being silly?
Kinda rules the earth. I’m just sayin’.
Van Dam exhaustedly points to himself and Paul E has to help him to the back with his regained Worldwide belts. Michaels stays in the ring for the standing ovation from the crowd, Michaels, gone for four years with the back injury, regains and then loses the IC, and now has competed once again in a classic ladder match. Michaels, bleeding, waves to the crowd. JR puts him over – “who would have ever believed that the legendary triple crown winning HBK would have returned to the WWF and put it all on the line like this…he has won over this crowd…we have loved him..we have hated him…but for every single WWF fan, I say, thank you Shawn Michaels – God Bless you Shawn Michaels..”
And Shawn Michaels then is blasted from behind by an entering Lesnar.
Lesnar hits the ring, beating Michaels down – and F5s him on top of one of the fallen ladders. Lesnar’s ruined the moment and draws the huge heel pop. Lesnar laughs as the back now has to come to the ring to help Michaels.
8. Undisputed Heavyweight Championship: Angle d. Jericho
One of the great top to bottom nights in wrestling history ends with Angle’s winning clean over Jericho. Crowd is largely pro Jericho, he’s a Hart, his dad played for the Rangers, Angle has come very close to turning heel, Lesnar is clearly a heel, and Jericho is trying to win the Triple Crown now named after Owen Hart.
Deck is pretty well stacked. And that increases when Lesnar runs in again, Brock Lesnar one more time. Angle and Jericho were fighting on the outside – Jericho had used the steel steps to knock Angle out, Jericho dumped him in the ring, and the fans think he’s seized the opportunity, but Lesnar again runs in and clotheslines Jericho hard to the floor. Lesnar dumps Jericho back in and leaves before Angle comes to. And once again, Jericho and Angle are at even strength when each man comes
Kurt Angle kicks out of the Lionsalt, he breaks the Liontamer – and he ankle locks Jericho for the submission. Another great match and great win for Angle – he holds the three belts aloft, exhaustedly accepting the boos – for the first time, Angle is not filled with glory and confidence and pride after a win – here we see exhaustion, confusion, and some anger as some of the fans hurl objects at him – the crowd is wildly mixed, Angle is our Bruno after all, straight and true, but he’s been tainted by Brock and is growing resentful of what he perceives as terrible treatment by the fans. Disrespect really. But after what he saw tonight, there is, for the first time ever, a bit of doubt in his eyes as the show… well… not quite… ends,
As Angle’s on the buckle, Michaels comes hobbling, bleeding, ragged, running as best he can, down to the ring – and when Angle, who had the belts thrust in the air, turns around – Michaels lays him out with a superkick. Lays him flat.
The bloody Michaels grabs the WWF Title belt – and holds it high in the air over the body of Angle.
And that’s your show.
The Rumble is coming from Boston.
HBK opens RAW after Survivor Series. Michaels says he started in the WWF almost 15 years ago, he and Marty were tag champs back in the 1980s, for goodness sakes. 4 Intercontinental Championships, WWF Champion twice, a Triple Crown winner. No one has ever held more belts in the WWF than me.
But the one thing I’ve never been is Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World.
So, Kurt Angle – at the Royal Rumble – I am calling you out!
Enter…Brock.
Lesnar says that Michaels is a little bitch who doesn’t deserve a shot at Kurt’s titles, he deserves to wind up in the hospital with his boyfriend Hunter.
Enter Jericho.
Jericho says that Lesnar won’t be able to beat up Michaels at the Rumble – because Brock Lesnar cost him the Triple Crown last night at Survivor Series – so, at the Rumble, Brock Lesnar will learn what Y2J is all about.
Michaels gets in Jericho’s face..says, “beat up, you think Lesnar would beat me up, do you Jericho? Since I’ve come back, I’ve been a little busy, you know, winning titles and having the best match on the card to spend much time with you – but make no mistake about it, make no mistake about it—I know you’re the one around here carrying on the Hart name, I see you in the pink and black, I know you’re from Stampede – and it doesn’t matter to me what the fans think of it – I will always – and I mean always – be Clique – and one day, Jericho, you and me….we’re gonna go….
….but right now…right now, let’s kick this frat boy’s ass….”
Jericho and Michaels attack Lesnar….they get the advantage, run in by Angle – Angle and Lesnar get the advantage, and knock Jericho and Michaels from the ring. Lesnar looks for Angle to give him a high five – but Angle refuses – Angle shakes his head at him and leaves the ring.
We’ll get a tag match for the main that night, Angle/Lesnar v. HBK/Y2J – Angle pins Jericho again – and all four men leave separately.
We are going to do both those matches at the Rumble. Angle/Michaels is on top. It’s two months of Shawn clips, of Shawn and Angle promos. A Rumble win and Angle will go to Mania as WWF Champ for 2 years – tying Bret Hart’s modern record.
So, in effect, Michaels is wrestling to protect Bret’s legacy. He’ll cut a conflicted promo on that. The base will enjoy the irony. And Jericho will cut a promo with Shawn before the Rumble, telling him to kick Angle’s ass. Shawn tells Jericho to kick Brock’s ass.
We’ll get Lance/Jericho against Brock/Angle stuff on the way to the Rumble. We’ll get a spot where Lesnar grabs Stacy – and before Jericho can react, Lance goes nuts, just loses his composure completely. Jericho begins to notice increasingly that Lance and Stacy’s relationship is deepening, but he assumes he’s imagining things. We’re not turning Lance, nor Stacy – the angle is they’re falling in love, despite neither one of them wanting to do this to Chris.
Soapy.
Lance is going to meet Regal at the PPV. It’s a solid enough matchup and Regal, who doesn’t get another PPV shot for awhile, is stuck in this role in the company.
We’ve got 3 Horsemen matches. We’ll do Chavo/Tajiri – Tajiri’s still a heel – but Chavo doesn’t care about good guys and bad guys – Chavo’s dying to be named an official Horsemen. Tajiri catches him on the wrong day, maybe Chavo thinks he was laughing at him because the Horsemen don’t accept him yet– and Chavo attacks. Chavo looking to prove himself to the Horsemen.
Time to do Flair/Leviathan against Spike and Stevie, which has been a TV feud. Except don’t look for Flair to step in the ring.
And the tag title, Benoit/Guerrero will defend against Benjamin and Haas. That will allow us to do a four man with Angle/Brock/Haas/Benjamin against the Horsemen on RAW, which would be doublefun. Ex cept – Angle and Benoit never hook up – and when they attempt to brawl postmatch – again the security swarms over both of them. They continue the storyline that Benoit and Guerrero are uneasy with the Horsemen’s heelish tactics. They also now move Haas and Benjamin into the storyline – selling their technical expertise as the main attraction to the team, they’re pure babyface – and recall from the Camp Angle reality show that they are particularly close given Charlie’s personal circumstance. We get dissent with Brock; Benjamin and Brock, recall, were teammates in college, and they tagged them together on Angle’s reality show before Russ died and Benjamin went with Charlie. Benjamin tries to talk to Brock, tell him he’s out of control – and Brock slaps him around. That leads Benjamin and Charlie to talk to Kurt – telling him he’s lost control of Brock, Kurt says he’s doing all he can – but he’s got Michaels to prep for – he’s helping them prep for Benoit/Guerrero – how many hours does he have to babysit you guys?
This pisses off Haas and Benjamin. They want some attention from Kurt. Kurt’s played favorites with Brock, he got to debut first, Kurt goes to the ring for all their matches – Brock’s an asshole and it makes them all look bad. So, we have training sessions for the title match, and Kurt keeps getting distracted while he’s trying to train them, you know, ‘cause Brock’s stuffed another junior into a locker.
Kurt promises he’ll be there for Team Angle when they meet the Horsemen at the
Rumble. Promises. Swears on his gold medals. Nothing to keep him away.
Two more. The IC is RVD/Rey. ‘Cause it’s all about the workrate, daddy. Workrate~ Heyman says Van Dam is the premiere high flyer in the world, Rey obviously disagrees. It’s a match based on spots. I enjoy spots. Spots~
And the opening tag, the match that Eric Bischoff fights for, TLC 4….the last dance. Hardys/Dudleys/E and C for the very last time. They show lots of clips, they all promo – it’s the end of the greatest long running tag feud in WWF history. They promise to give the WWF fans one to remember and say they will leave their bodies in the ring. We sell the match hard, all three teams promoing that this really is the end of the feud. And the winners will go to Mania. Each team says they want to be the team that wins the feud, each team promises to send the others out on stretchers. Each team says they will not leave the greatest tag team feud of all time without their hands being raised. The angle is that they’re gonna have six stretchers at ringside – ambulances, paramedics – Trish pumps up E and C – this is about the Clique – about their legacy as the dominant faction in wrestling history. Bischoff pumps up the Hardys, says this is their destiny – that he has gotten every team to sign a pledge that this is the last meeting among these teams – that the winners of the match will go to Mania (I don’t know what they’re putting above the ring to grab…a WWF symbol, or I’ll steal the briefcase idea, I don’t know, whatever’s good) Bischoff is constantlty working to tell the Hardys they’ve been screwed over, stuck in this feud, and they are one match away from vanquishing both teams. And the Dudleys turn to Heyman – actually, he comes to them – recall the Stevie thing, so they’ve been on opposite sides since entering the WWF – but Heyman says they need his services for this match, it’s too important – this is about the legacy of ECW, it’s about Eric Bischoff coming into the WWF and infecting it like a virus. Heyman hates Bischoff, hates everything he stands for – and the two of them can promo back and forth (and not for the last time, settle in on the Bischoff/Heyman thing)
It’s TLC 4 – once and for all.
It’s a big time Rumble from Boston. Angle defends against Shawn Michaels, RVD v. Rey, Eddy/Benoit defending against Team Angle, Jericho v. Brock, Lance v. Regal, Chavo v. Tajiri, Flair and Leviathan against Spike/Stevie. And the opening tag is TLC4 – Once and For all. The Royal Rumble 2003. Buy it.
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