Royal Rumble 2013

The build is here. 

Royal Rumble 2013 is in Phoenix.

(Dark – Ambrose d. Tatsu

              Black d. Pac

Following that match, still while dark, as Pac heads back up the ramp he is grabbed by the group from Underground led by Langston who made a handful of appearances in the build, they take him to the back)

Joey/JR/Paul Heyman is the announce.  The following night on RAW, JR will disclose that Wrestlemania will be his last show, he’s retiring.

Foley is at ringside, tense, he has a lot riding on the successful culmination of the IC Tournament, as has been discussed.

1.       IC Tournament: Nick Nemeth d. Claudio Castagnoli (w/Hero)

I’m a big fan of this pairing; Nemeth can take his crazy bumps, Claudio can hit his sweet offense – that lends itself to Nemeth fighting from underneath, which serves his babyface reaction, and given Claudio’s popularity, that’s got to be the match story to keep Nemeth from re-turning. 

This is less like a semi-final of a tournament where the final is later on the card and more like the match of the night; 20 minutes where they just go full out, to the point where Heyman wonders if the winner will have anything left for the final and blames poor planning by Regal/Steamboat in not ensuring their guys didn’t spend this much energy.

One important moment – Nemeth’s on the outside, Hero kicks him right in the ribs.  Claudio’s unaware.  That dynamic, Hero as Claudio’s bad cop, is the next wave of the Claudio character. 

In the end it doesn’t matter, Nemeth gets the fall.  Foley is noticeably relieved  - it was, one hopes, a really good match and sets up the possibility that the IC tournament could result in Nemeth winning the Triple Crown. 

2.       Taped Fist Match: Sheamus (w/Regal) d. PAUL

Regal, of course, wasn’t with Nemeth, as he now goes out alone – but not being at ringside is what opened him up for the Hero boot – and during this match, Regal gives Foley an earful about GDI getting away with murder, and how Regal will bring all of Underground to the ring for the IC title match.  That conversation will lead to Regal and Underground being banned from ringside for the IC Final, an announcement made later.  Foley might be overly sensitive to the criticism here, but it shows how much he has on the line with that match.

Sheamus avoids that big right hand from PAUL and gets the fall.  Heyman notes he largely did it despite a distracted Regal, who spent most of the match yelling at Foley. 

3.       Miz d. John Cena

Miz cheats to win. 

The Underground trainees led by Langston then emerge with Pac, they’re on the ramp – Langston says Underground is family – and that even though, when Pac’s been jumping off the video wall all year, they haven’t been the ones specifically attacked, they’re the ones who will make it right.

They’re  going to unmask Pac (a reminder, Pac’s in a mask) but are stopped when they’re crashed down from someone else flying off the video wall. 

El Generico.  Who, the announce will loudly note, is that promised new signing to GDI.  Generico has joined GDI.

4.       Rey Mysterio d. Mistico

This is maybe a bigger match than you appreciate – it’s in Phoenix, with a heavy Hispanic population,  it’s sold as maybe Mysterio’s last match, and certainly his last match of 2013 – his goal is to return for WM 30 – and it’s against Mistico, a giant lucha star. 

Rey goes over in the best match they can have – he hits the buckles postmatch to wave at the crowd –

Lights out.

Lights on. 

Rey’s laid out in the middle of the ring – underneath a laughing Jericho.

5.       JerichoDeath d. CM Punk

Punk runs down the ramp in defense of Rey – and they brawl.  Jericho, importantly, doesn’t do any of his former trademark spots – he is completely free and without pattern, as if he might do anything at any time – he might kick you in the shin or bite your cheek; he might put you in a hammerlock or hit you with a heart punch.  He is impossible to figure, and that’s going to get him the fall. 

The lights then go off and then on – and Jericho’s gone. 

6.       WWF Tag Titles: Empire (Barrett/Ryback w/Gabriel) d. Defiance (Orton/Bernard w/Rhodes) d. Douchebags (Sandow/Ryder w/Slater/Curtis)

This is one fall to a finish.  Note, no Michael Cole, who was supposed to choose between the two Underground teams as part of the build. 

Loose rules, it’s a tag match in the Foley era, so everyone gets involved; finish comes when Curtis hits his legdrop on Orton, but Barrett is there to steal the pinfall from Sandow. 

Empire takes the straps.

The celebration is short lived as on the video wall is a shot of a nearly dead Michael Cole – it’s reminiscent of the video wall reveals of the beatings of Hawkins and Kidd.

Except it’s in the style of the videos done by The Shield.

And that’s when the mystery comes to an end.  Douchebags didn’t take out Kidd.  Empire didn’t take out Hawkins.

The Shield took out both – and Cole.

Don’t believe in Empire.  Don’t believe in Douchebags.  Believe in the Shield.

The video ends – Douchebags and Empire run together from the ring up the ramp.

   

IC: The Rock No Contest Nick Nemeth

   Here we go.  Foley joins the announce for this one. 

Nemeth comes out fast – he had to work really hard in the semi, so he just blitzes the Rock, looking to not make this a long match (and looking to catch the Rock rusty).

When Rock withstands the early blitz, he can wrestle the match like a big man, a lot of power moves with Nemeth flying all over the place.  Rock can get booed, that’s fine, the goal, again, is to get Nemeth fighting from underneath to earn sympathy – he’s already gone 20, and now just takes power move after power move, nearfall after nearfall, but keeps fighting back.

Nemeth is able to hit a move out of nowhere, flip it around, build some momentum – Nemeth feeding off the energy of the crowd – Nemeth closing in on the Triple Crown – when Brock Lesnar’s music hits.

But it’s not Lesnar who emerges onto the ramp; it’s someone else, wearing a Paul Heyman Guy t-shirt (come on, you know who it is).

It’s Jack Swagger.

And Heyman turns from “I don’t know what’s going on, I swear to God” when the music hit to “You earned this one, Foley, this one is all yours” by the time Swagger hits the ring.  Heyman rips off his headset to go to ringside to bark orders – as Swagger just rips the heads off both Nemeth and Rock – just leaves them motionless in the ring, requiring that the bout be stopped so both men can be helped to the back.  Heyman and Swagger together in the ring, smirking – Heyman pointing at Foley, who is stunned into total silence – his tournament has ended in chaos and destruction.

8.       WWF Title: Bryan Danielson (w/Steamboat) d. Dos Caras, Jr. (w/Vickie and Ricardo)

They have the best match they can have; it’s the number one goal for every Danielson match; here’s a guy who can have a 4 star match with almost anyone that it would be reasonable to stick with him, and that’s what they want to see.

Immediately following the fall, Heyman’s music hits – he and Swagger emerge from the back and slowly start to make their way to the ring – that attracts Steamboat’s attention, who starts pointing at them – Danielson readies himself; and that means he’s totally unprepared for what’s coming at him from the other side of the ring.  Wearing another Paul Heyman Guy t-shirt.

Brock Lesnar. 

Lesnar annihilates Danielson – laying him out with an f5.  The show closes with Heyman, Lesnar, and Swagger all in the ring as Danielson’s outstretched hand is a few inches away from the WWF Title belt, laid out on the canvas, right under, as the camera pans back, the sign for Wrestlemania 29.

Coming next month – the build for Wrestlemania, where we’ll be able to give you a main event never seen in any known universe…

Bryan Danielson v. Brock Lesnar. 

Road to Royal Rumble 2013

Survivor Series was here.

8 years we’ve been doing this?  How the hell did that happen?

Thanks to readers new and less new.  As long as Daniel Bryan’s a B+ player in the real world, I guess we’ll keep this world going.

Royal Rumble 2013 is in January.

Here’s the card.

WWF Title: Bryan Danielson v. Dos Caras, Jr.

-Set up in the prior build and really finalized at the show close of Survivor Series, this match is announced immediately.  There’s not a ton of interaction between the two in this build; Caras is a little broad for a main event program; we’re just going to let him exist in that space here – he and Vickie are preparing for the wedding.  That’s a comedy angle, Vickie as Bridezilla, she torments the bridesmaids to lose weight (they’re all the divas, nonexistent to this date but now introduced here in order to create characters for the E show; AJ is a put upon babyface and Nattie returns as a tormenting heel here) and learn wedding reception choreography, she gives them hideous dresses and makes them cut their hair and run her errands.  Various vignettes looking to build to the wedding and enrich the Dos Caras universe.  It’s too cartoonish for Danielson, really, he doesn’t get intertwined with the drive to the wedding – we’ll see him as leader of an increasingly tight GDI, which not only has he as champ but Claudio in the finals of the IC tournament.  Danielson, WWF Champ for a year, just does his work.  4 stars with Dos Caras?  Fine, let’s go.     

The wedding happens at the go home RAW, the guests are all second/third generation guys, either with the company or whomever can be brought in for the day – and the widows/girlfriends of deceased wrestlers, which won’t be mentioned by the announce, it’s just a black comedy easter egg for the hardcores. All the divas with bad dresses and haircuts, some worker in heavy makeup as the minister, similar to real world Bischoff in the Chuck/Billy wedding (right wedding?).

At the appropriate time the ceremony is interrupted by the Rock’s music.  All 3 Usos enter, followed by the Rock – Rock stays on the ramp while the Usos blow up the wedding; the male guests are all beaten up, the female guests run screaming – Roman Reigns Uso spears the minister through the set.  The segment ends with the Rock holding up his IC belt and saying he hopes Dos Caras wins the WWF Title on Sunday – and when the Rock retains his IC Title Sunday, then the two of them will go Title v. Title, for the first time in Wrestlemania history – at WM 29. 

IC Title: The Rock v.__________

Nick Nemeth v. Claudio Castagnoli

-The IC tournament now is down to 2; Nemeth got a pretty large babyface reaction at Survivor Series, and Claudio is a much liked wrestler for the GDI inclined fanbase – the result is going to be more than a few boos for the Rock as he mixes in the build. 

Nemeth is a day away from the Triple Crown and he is full on hungry for it – it is the ultimate demonstration of wrestling immortality and he’s two wins away.  Claudio remains happy go lucky, ready for the biggest match and maybe matches of his life.  Rock does taped promos on both guys in his jokey Rock manner, he and the IC belt are in fabulous locations; big houses, expensive cars, between Kate Upton’s breasts, that sort of thing.  That will draw Regal and Steamboat together in mutual irritation.  They aren’t at their wrestlers sides much in the build, there’s space between Nemeth and Regal to allow for a greater babyface reaction for Nemeth, and Hero moves closer to being Claudio’s mouthpiece; but they’re still the heads of the competing factions.  They  appear on a Heyman Hustle (one of two he does in the build, we’ll discuss the second) with Mick Foley to voice the opposition one last time to the decision to allow Rock to take the IC with him, to insinuate that Foley let his relationship with the Rock guide his judgment, and for Foley to once again, end the argument with the tournament will be his response to that criticism, making Sunday judgment day.   Heyman ends the segment by reminding Steamboat that in case he’s forgotten, Brock Lesnar is real and he’s here for Danielson. 

Tag Titles: Defiance v. Empire v. Douchebags

-The non finish in the number one contenders match at Survivor Series makes this a three way.  The relaxed rules nature of the tag division under Foley and the numbers of men as part of each team gives us a lot of bodies to deal with for this match.  Orton/Bernard/Rhodes are Defiance – Orton’s won the tag title 4 times with 4 partners, and like every asshole, when he is on top he is insufferable (and when he’s not it’s everyone else’s fault); Douchebags are Sandow/Ryder/Slater/Curtis – Curtis joined the group from developmental at Survivor Series in the beatdown of Empire, which is now Barrett/Gabriel and, as part of the build, Ryback, who comes from developmental to help balance the ranks with the loss of Kidd (presumably taken out by DBags who were responding to Hawkins having presumably been taken out by Empire)  They can all fight pretty much constantly in all possible combinations in the build – the story between the two Underground teams is that Cole will finally, finally pick between the teams at the Rumble. There's a spot in the build when a bunch of guys from both Douchebags and Empire are on the ramp and Pac takes them out with the dive from the video wall.  That's now happened 3-4 times over the course of the year.  

 

JerichoDeath v. CM Punk

-Chris Jericho, always with the Sabu light cue gimmick, appears soon after Survivor Series to explain.  Essentially – he has nothing left to do.  He’s won all of the belts, from the NWA to the Triple Crown, and he’s been through all of the incarnations, Lionheart, #7, Y2J, JerichoDark, The Lizard King, The Champ – and what should he do now?  Win the IC again?  He could, but why?  Get a tag team partner?  He could, but why?  He’s had catchphrases, finishing moves, been the fans favorite wrestler and booed out of the building.  There’s nothing left – and when there’s nothing left – you’re dead. 

  He’s JerichoDeath.

But that totally frees him – a ghost can do anything it wants.  He can come when he wants, leave when he wants – if he wants to make CM Punk blow him in the middle of the ring – he’s going to do that, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.  Being dead is the best time of his life. 

And then the lights go out and he’s gone.

Subtextually, he’s added a lot of Edge to the persona (Edge was the guy Jericho couldn’t beat) and going after Punk (who took Edge’s title, Edge had taken from Jericho) is designed to reinforce that.  That’s also not the type of thing you’d get from the announce.  Jericho isn’t going to spear anyone, for example, he’s not aping Edge at that level.

He and Punk do some dueling promos – Jericho positions Punk as sort of a discount Jericho; Jericho plays sold out rock shows around the world, Punk knows a lot about Rancid; Jericho’s hosted his own network reality show, Punk was on G4 a couple of times; Jericho’s ex is banging George Clooney, Punk’s ex is banging the 11^th best wrestler in Ring of Honor.

Punk positions Jericho as Yesterday.  The reason he talks about Fozzy or Dancing with the Stars or Best Week Ever or whatever bullshit he’s doing is he can’t talk about winning wrestling matches because he doesn’t do that anymore.  When Jericho’s talking to Kelly Ripa, Punk’s winning 3 WWF Titles. 

They’ll appear together on that second Heyman Hustle, which allows for Heyman to dig into Punk a little bit, allows for Punk’s medical condition post-Lesnar to be discussed, allows for Jericho to hit Punk with the only thing he says that gets under Punk’s skin, that Jericho isn’t the only one whose best days are behind him, that what Punk’s best at now is carrying Danielson’s bags.

Heyman, at segment’s end, reminds Punk that Brock Lesnar is real, and he’s only here – only here – for Danielson. 

Rey Mysterio v. Mistico

Rey cuts a promo at the beginning of January apologizing to the fans.  He says he got suckered by Dos Caras in a way that wouldn’t have happened five years ago; and he doesn’t want revenge, it’s his own fault.  He says he’s started to slip, he knows it – and he needs to shut it down for awhile.  Rey says he isn’t ready to say it’s his last match, but after the Rumble, he’s going back home for the rest of 2013.  Rey says he hopes to come back at Wrestlemania 30 – but just can’t promise anything right now.  Rey brings Mistico out, says Mistico is a hero in Mexico and if this is Rey’s last match, he wants it to be against him.

And that’s it, it doesn’t get more complicated than that – there are taped pieces from the babyfaces talking about what Rey has meant to them to add to the “maybe Rey is retiring” element of the match.

Taped Fist Match: PAUL v. Sheamus

-Paul knocked Sheamus the fuck out at Survivor Series and it’s now his life, giant babyface with a big right hand, he knocks out some bottom card guys in the build – so does Sheamus, as he gets a rematch centered around Paul’s specialty – they’re gonna tape their fists and fight.

John Cena v. Miz

-Building off their portion of the IC tournament build, Miz is now a heel so can poke at Cena’s true blue WWF forever babyfaceness. 

 That's your show - add in some of those taped Shield vignettes, some drop ins on the next developmental class training Underground, with Ryback (who as mentioned, gets called up during the build) Big E Langston, and Joe Hennig, and Steamboat being said to be close to a major GDI signing that may come to fruition at the Rumble and you have your show.  Heyman will once again be joining JR and Joey for the announce - it's gonna be a happening!