Summer Slam is here.
Survivor Series – 1999 Detroit(Dark – Taka Michinoku d. Aguila)
JR and Lawler are joined at the announce by...Skip McMahon.
1. Fightin’ Hollys d. New Age Outlaws
Crash asks why Billy and the Dogg point to their male parts. He says Lou Thesz never said suck it. Strangler Lewis never whipped it out. Well, actually, funny story, we were on a train to El Paso…
Hollys win clean. Outlaws time is up.
2. Edge (w/Trish) d. The Abolitionist
Morley hits the Liberation Falls, but Trish puts Edge’s foot on the ropes, Christian enters, hitting the Tomikaze (which he calls the Unprettier, a terrible name, we're gonna go with the Crusader) on Morley and allowing Edge the win. Christian enters for the double team beatdown. Davey Boy (hi, Davey Boy!) enters to even it up at 2-2. Waltman enters to give the Clique the advantage again – the Y2J chants start, hopefully, and Jericho enters to even it up and knock the heels from the ring.
Officials regain control and the next match starts.
3. Davey Boy Smith d. Christian
It’s fast. Christian's gotta take one for the team. Some brawling and the powerslam – the finish kicks off another round of brawling among the men – Waltman and Jericho fight to the back while Morley and Davey Boy battle E and C until they have to be pulled apart.
4. DLo Brown d. Al Snow (w/ Head)
DLo distracts Al by slapping Head, and that freaks Al out, letting DLo get the frog splash and the fall. Postmatch, DLo taunts Al – “This is all you got? This is all you got? You ain’t no champ – you’re an Intercontinental Chump – go do your moonsault now you little bitch! Go do your moonsault now!”
Al, of course, still does his moonsault, cause that’s how he rolls. We get a Rock/DLo backstage thing where Rock attempts to congratulate DLo on the win, telling him that the Head trick was slick. DLo tells Rock that he better not let the team down, ‘cause DLo ain’t rolling with no punk ass bitches. Rock takes umbrage at this before they calm everything down.
Skip, who has been deorogatory of everyone all night long, both faces and heels, now goes to the ring, readying both the big PAUL/Angle matchup.
5. Kurt Angle d. PAUL the GIANT~ (w/Skip)
And here’s your big match – PAUL enters like a monster, frothing and stomping – Angle shows no fear – going right to him in the nose to nose – PAUL lands his big shots – big shot after shot – Angle keeps getting up, keeps getting in the Giant’s face – the Giant does all the big man stuff – bouncing off the ropes for a shoulderblock – Angle gets up – the clubbing blows – Angle gets up – Angle even calls for a top knuckle lock test of strength --
Finish comes when Angle is up for the chokeslam, but grabs the Giant on the way down, landing a DDT – then he deadlifts PAUL for the AngleSlam, which they play up as a feat of massive strength. Clean fall. 1-2-3, in just under five minutes.
Skip, shocked enters the ring and attacks Angle – and Angle easily moves him into an anklelock – Skip cries and taps and taps as the crowd cheers. Kurt Angle! Announce puts him over hard.
6. Tags: Tables Match: Dudleys (w/Stevie) d. Hardys
Dudleys too much for the Hardys – a Steviekick – a couple of 3Ds through the tables – the Hardys, again, save the match as many times as they can while taking the beating, which sells both the Hardys bumptaking and the bumps put the Dudleys over as monsters – but in the end, we roll with the new, and the Family grabs some gold. The Dudleys win a destructive, destructive match over the babyfaces. Edge and Christian, and Trish enter postmatch for a Con-Chair-To beatdown on the Hardys while Stevie and the Dudleys pose. There's a moment of awkwardness, as E and C want the Dudleys to celebrate with them, but the Dudleys yell to get the fuck away from them - Stevie intervenes, calming the Duds down, and they take their belts and go to the back.
7. IC: Chris Jericho d. Sean Waltman
Everyone who has brawled before is barred from ringside before the match even begins – Jericho goes over clean with the Liontamer, gets Waltman to submit right in the middle of the ring. Y2J steps right into the WWF and wins the IC. He’s a cocky Hart! He unites the people!
8. WWF Title: Cactus Jack d. HHH d. Rock
Okay, this is an easy story - Foley's the veteran, HHH and Rock are the upstarts - HHH and Rock have been feuding for a year as they want the same spot in the company, and with Foley's book softening him a bit, this is the time for one of them to step up.
But it doesn't happen.
Foley’s book is out, Foley’s a big star, with Austin gone, Foley is positioned alone at the top of the company – this is really the crowning moment, he beats both Rock and HHH – pinning Rock – it’s all about Cactus Jack. He goes over two of the top underneath guys, and it’s worth wondering who is left now for Cactus Jack to conquer? Bang, Bang!
We have the Rock/HHH stuff to do – and also have them double team Foley – we should definitely see the weariness in Cactus – unlike, say, when Bret was on top for so long and he reacted with defiance – we can see the mileage on Foley, and he treats it with some bemusement – a knowing smile here and there – Foley recognizes these guys are young, juiced up, athletic (HHH was a terrific worker in 2000, so he is just about to enter his best period ever) and Foley, now pretty famous, maybe doesn’t have that wellspring to do what it takes anymore.
But he’s got it here – and is able to pin the Rock. Say, Hunter had a Pedigree on Cactus earlier, and Rock broke it up, allowing Hunter to claim that he would have won if not for Rock. Rock and HHH fight in the aisle after the match – that brings out the Clique to fight with HHH and lay the Rock out on the ramp – but no DLo for the save.
Foley holds the belt high, exhaustedly, and gives a Bang, Bang as the show ends.
Foley will meet Hunter on RAW the next night, getting the pinfall. Foley beats them both in consecutive nights, after taking out Austin and before that Owen. It's a pretty significant run for the Triple Crown Holder.
The very last PPV of the 90s is from the NWA, Harlem Heat gets a win over the team of Sid and Haku. Nash goes over Goldberg. Sting beats Hennig. Dr. Death beats a returning Dustin Rhodes. Bret beats Benoit in the dream match. Your new tag champs are Luger and Norman Smiley, goofily enough, who go over Perry and Page. Vampyro is your new US Champ, beating Dean – and The Southern Man Jeff Jarrett comes back to the NWA, beats Shane Douglas and wins the NWA Title.
Starrcade – 1999 DC
NWA Title: Jeff Jarrett d. Shane Douglas
US Title: Vampyro d. Dean Malenko
Tags: Lex Luger/Norman Smiley d. Perry/Page
Bret Hart d. Chris Benoit
Steve Williams d. Dustin Rhodes
Sting d. Curt Hennig
Kevin Nash d. Goldberg
Harlem Heat d. Sid/Haku
The first show of 2000 is in ECW, Dusty Rhodes works, losing. Justin loses, Rhyno wins, Dreamer finally beats Raven. Your new ECW tag champs – Chris Chetti and Kid Kash, who beat Nova and Guido. Lance keeps the US over Super Crazy, and Masato Tanaka keeps the World Title over Mike Awesome.
Living Dangerously – 2000 Danbury
ECW Title: Masato Tanaka d. Mike Awesome
TV Title: Lance Storm d. Super Crazy
Tags: Chetti/Kash d. Nova/Guido
Dreamer d. Raven
Rhyno d. Doring
CW Anderson d. Justin
Corino d. Dusty Rhodes
Gedo/Jado d. Balls/Roadkill
Royal Rumble 2000 is coming from MSG. How better to start a new millennium?
Let’s talk tags first. They'll have the Hardys meet the Outlaws in the opening tag – winners go to XVI to meet the tag champs. They bring Lita into the act now, there’s a spot where Trish is cutting a promo on the Hardys – and she (say, sitting in the front row, wearing a Hardys t-shirt) gets called out by Trish. Some type of “ Matt – maybe there’s a rat who will take care of you – like that one right there.” Trish invites Lita into the ring – Lita wipes Trish out – and Lita joins the act as Matt’s new girlfriend. Lita, of course, has the tattoos and the crazy hair, and the Hardys act begins to change, as we can’t go clean cut forever, people will think they’re pussies. They add some color, some ripped clothing – and then actually do something productive…
The Dudleys will defend in a Tables Match against the Hollys. The Hollys get that right when they beat the Dudleys in a nontitle, when the Hardys interfere (‘cause babyfaces, you know, have to toughen up if they’re gonna get cheered at MSG). The Hardys then get out ladders (‘cause they use ladders, and E and C use chairs, and the Duds use tables, see, it's not that complicated) and, with the Hollys holding onto the Dudleys, the Hardys splatter the Dudleys through tables. Stevie and the Dudleys later cut promos saying they won’t get punked out again, won’t get punked out in New York – and they will unleash a heretofore unknown level of viciousness onto the Hollys at the Rumble.
We’re gonna get a 3 way. Al attacks DLo – not because of their feud, not because he lost at Survivor Series, not even because DLo attacked Head...but because DLo stole Al’s corned beef sandwich from the locker room. This pisses DLo off – ‘cause he wants Al to hate him because they’re having a feud. DLo tries to express this to Al – “damn boy, I called you a bitch – I kicked your ass at Survivor Series – how you feel about DLo Brown now?” “I don’t know about all of that – BUT YOU OWE A THE SNOWMAN A GODDAMN SAMMICH!” They're throwing the Rock in this – DLo continues to big time the Rock – say, the Rock tries to give him some advice, and DLo says if he wanted some advice from a guy who can’t win the WWF Title, he’d talk to Hunter. That kinda thing. Rock gives him plenty of chances, ‘cause they down, and when Al gets the best of DLo in an in-ring thing, Rock comes in for the save – that’s what gets the Rock in it with Al. But DLo doesn’t want Rock’s help, says Rock’s been living on DLo’s coattails for years – says if DLo didn’t have to carry Rocky Johnson’s kid in every tag match they were in – he’d still be a tag champ. DLo and Big Markie – still be tag champs. DLo and 2 Cold – still be tag champs. DLo and Ron Simmons, DLo and Ahmed Johnson, DLo and Manute Bol, DLo and Wilfred Freaking Brimley – still be tag champs.
But DLo and the Rock - they ain't tag champs. They ain't down. They ain't nothin'.
That’s enough for the Rock – and the love is over – they throw down.
Al just wants his sandwich. And if he has to beat that sandwich out of both of them - THE SNOWMAN'S GONNNA GET HIS MICKEY-FICKEY SAMMICH!
Al, one suggests, has a future promoting janitor pillow fights.
It’s a 3 way. Rock. Al. DLo.
Other than the title match, everything else comes out of this Hart/Clique thing. 'Cause they need to re-establish this program.
They have a tag – Jericho/Davey Boy against HHH/Waltman. Heels win when E and C run in and interfere. Full heel beatdown, face save attempt by Morley (recall, he’s feuding with the Clique) but he’s not enough – and the Clique goes over. All four men going to the ringposts – chopping their crotches like the old days.
That’s gonna set up an 8 man: Clique against Jericho, Davey Boy, Morley and a mystery partner….
Kurt Angle.
Faces go over when Angle pins Waltman.
Announce puts Angle over hard.
We’ll get Edge/Morley again at the Rumble, this time in a No DQ.
And we’ll also do HHH/Jericho. In a cage. HHH, swinging his sledgehammer, can cut the full on bitter promo on Jericho – five years, no belts for HHH, no shots, no love – meanwhile, Jericho comes in – and on his first night, he wins the IC. A Hart, no less.
It’s just wrong. We’ll have HHH attack Jericho with the sledgehammer, bloodying him up – and that level of violence will set up the cage match. This was the HHH/Foley Hell in a Cell event, so I like the cage stip here.
Here’s where Angle fits in – the next week on RAW – the other 7 guys are in the ring doing a nose to nose promo thing – comparing who has the better side, comparing if the Harts are better than the Clique --- Jericho says now that they have the Olympic gold medalist on their side – a man who beat PAUL in five minutes – there’s really not a comparison.
Enter Angle.
Angle apologizes to Jericho – says there’s been a misunderstanding. Says last week was a one shot thing, he has nothing against the Harts or against Morley, but he isn’t with them.
Waltman says hell yeah – Angle is Clique, Angle is Clique…
Angle says no – you four are a bunch of crybaby punks, and the only time he ever wants anything to do with them is when they are tapping out to his ankle lock.
So, now everyone in the ring is hot with Angle – which doesn’t bother him at all – and Jericho asks why the hell Angle came down to the ring.
Angle says because at his first ever Royal Rumble, at Madison Square Garden, his contract says he gets to meet whomever he wants (except, JR reminds us, for champions) – and what he wants is to wrestle twice.
Twice?
Twice? At the Royal Rumble?
HHH says we don’t wrestle twice on a PPV. We’ve had PPV in the WWF for 16 years, and we don’t wrestle twice (yeah, Owen did that one time, I know, and Shawn too) we got a locker room full of guys who can’t even get on PPV – and you want to wrestle twice – who the hell do you think you are??
"I’m Kurt Angle."
Buy the shirt.
Angle says at the Royal Rumble – he is going to beat a former IC Champion – that would be you, Sean Waltman. At the Royal Rumble, at Madison Square Garden, you will submit to Kurt Angle. Because I don't care about your "Clique".
And..and…at the Royal Rumble, he is going to beat a former WWF Champion…that would be you, British Bulldog. At the Royal Rumble, at Madison Square Garden, you will submit to Kurt Angle. Because I don't care about the Hart Foundation either.
"In the same night – I will beat the Clique IC Champ – and the Hart WWF Champ – and make them both tap out."
Why?
Angle gets awfully chesty here, puffed up - he believes it, you know he believes it - he's not a heel - he just thinks he's supposed to win every match.
"Because I’m Kurt Angle."
Angle leaves the ring – both sides are stunned -- the 7 remaining men brawl.
Title match is left.
Cactus cuts a retirement promo. Says he’s been on this book tour, talking about his life in wrestling. And the more he tells the stories, the more he realizes the guys he’s talking about are all gone. And when he looks around the locker room, he doesn’t see Vader, he sees PAUL, and he doesn’t see Bret, he sees Angle, and he doesn’t see Austin, he sees the Rock, and he doesn’t see Owen, he sees Jericho.
So, maybe it’s time for Cactus Jack to step aside….
Enter Stevie and the Dudleys.
Stevie says that’s a nice trip down memory lane, Cactus. The Hardcore Family enjoys hearing about all the has beens who left this place before the Dudley Boys had the chance to kick their ass. But Stevie Richards….Esquire…wants to share another memory with Cactus Jack. Before the WWF – before you were a World Champion, a Triple Crown Winner, a Best Selling Author – before any of that, you spent a year in ECW, do you remember that Cactus?
Cactus says he remembers Stevie as a punk kid wearing a Flock of Seagulls t-shirt who somehow pinned Ron Simmons one night and passed out at the party after the show. Good to see your eyebrows finally grew back, Stevie.
Stevie laughs. Says that’s hi-larious. Put that anecdote in the next book and that will be a best seller too. But that’s not really the story he wants to tell. See – when Cactus was making a list of guys he’s beaten in his career – he neglected to mention the guy he couldn’t ever beat – a guy who is a member of the Family.
Cactus says, no offense to Bubba and DVon, but they were still working the popcorn stands when he was in ECW back in 1994, and if Stevie thinks he’s ever beaten Cactus Jack, he’s tying that tie a little too tight. But if he’d like an opportunity – in fact, if any member of the “Hardcore” Family would like an opportunity – Cactus Jack might have a fight or two left in him.
Stevie says he’s not talking about himself, he’s a manager now, thank you very much. And he’s not talking about the Dudley Boys – because they are about to go to Madison Square Garden and defend the WWF tag titles – no, he’s talking about somebody else – he’s talking about the greatest World Champion in ECW history – he’s talking about the newest member of the Hardcore Family….he’s talking about….
Taz.
Yeah, daddy.
Taz attacks Foley from behind, suplexing Cactus on his head. Taz picks Foley back up, locks on the Tazmission, and chokes him out. Stevie holds and drops Cactus’s arm three times to show that he is unconscious – the Dudleys set up the tables – and the Dudleys put Cactus through the table. Stevie cackles as the Dudleys celebrate and Taz stands over Foley with his arms folded.
In the run up, they can sell this as the ECW World Champ v. the WWF World Champ, since that what, obviously, the Hardcore Family is – is an ECW offshoot. If you’ve noticed the ECW recaps, Counterfactual Taz was booked basically the way they booked him, he was ECW champ forever – really only giving it up when he was on his way out – so it’s clear that this match – in MSG, which is the perfect venue for it – is the top guy in the WWF (Bret, gone, Shawn, gone, Owen, gone, Austin, gone – Mick’s left) and the top guy in ECW (only RVD in the argument). And Taz can cut promos to that effect – Mick was a great champion, but his time is over – back in the day, Mick was one of them, a dirtbag, young and hungry – tough as nails, but now, when Taz looks in his eyes, Mick ain’t hungry no more – Mick doesn’t have that dog in him no more – he ain’t the real world’s champ just like he ain’t a real New Yorker – the real world’s champ is the man who has busted ass, his own and everyone else’s, in the bingo hall the last 6 years. Taz ain’t here to disrespect Cactus Jack – Cactus Jack is one of the greatest hardcore wrestlers of all time – Cactus Jack helped build ECW – Cactus Jack is a man who lived and died hardcore…
But the man standing across from Taz in the ring at the Royal Rumble – that won’t be Cactus Jack – that’ll be Mick Foley. Mick Foley’s a dad, Mick Foley’s an author. Mick Foley’s a celebrity. Mick Foley’s a superstar.
Mick Foley ain’t World Heavyweight Champion.
Taz is World Heavyweight Champion.
The Dudleys are going to go to the Royal Rumble and defend their belts – and then Taz is going to win the WWF Title – and the Family is walking out of New York City, walking out of Madison Square Garden, with all the gold.
Taz and Cactus – two New Yorkers, meet at MSG for the WWF Title.
Royal Rumble 2000. It’s Taz/Cactus for the big belt, Jericho/HHH in a cage for the IC as we harken back to Harts/Clique history, the Hollys/Dudleys tables match for the straps, the three way between Rock/DLo/Al, Kurt Angle wrestles twice – against both Waltman and Davey Boy – Morley takes on Edge in the No DQ, and the Hardys meet the Outlaws, winners go to Mania.
It's Royal Rumble 2000. Call…..your….local…..thing!
