The 34th annual Royal Rumble comes to you from St Louis. It is the 144th WWF PPV.
Your announcers are Michael Cole (3rd PPV) Corey Graves (5th) Wade Barrett (5th).
Your ring announcer is Jeremy Borash.
(Dark Matches: Dark Ride Title: Dragon Lee d. Axiom
JD McDonaugh d. Tyler Bate
Jimmy Uso double countout Jey Uso)
The PPV opens on the aftermath of the Uso dark match, Jimmy and Jey brawling outside the ring, up into the stands, until they disappear onto a concourse, Jimmy and Jey - the twins spurned by Roman now in full battle over which one was the cause, this feud must continue.
Then to the clip package to open the show of past WWF Texas PPVs, ideally Steve Austin does the VO.
1989 Rumble - Houston - Hogan bodyslams Andre, Jake Roberts DDTs Bad News.
1994 Survivor Series - San Antonio - Bret/Anvil hit the Hart Attack on Luger to take the tag belts, Diesel turns on Shawn right after Michaels wins the Triple Crown in his hometown.
1997 Rumble - San Antonio - Austin hits the Stunner on Vader, the Rock hits the Peoples Elbow on Glen Jacobs
Wrestlemania 17 - Houston - fast chain sequence with Jericho and Guerrero, the Dudleys sending Raven through a table, Austin brawling with Regal, Kurt Angle holding the WWF Title in the center of the ring as the confetti falls.
2003 Survivor Series - Dallas - Michaels superkicking Bubba Ray Dudley cold, a 4 way brawl with Eddy/Brock/Benoit/Angle
2007 Rumble - San Antonio - Booker hits the Hangover on Edge, Lashley tombstoning the Undertaker, CM Punk hits the Pepsi Plunge on Matt Hardy
Wrestlemania 25 - Houston - a chain sequence with Punk and Steamboat, Rey Mysterio rolling up MVP, Jeff submitting to Matt and leaving the territory, Jericho putting Michaels in the Sharpshooter.
Wrestlemania 32 - Dallas - Sasha Banks pins Charlotte Flair to win the Womens Title, Jericho beats Hunter in a retirement match, El Generico with the bucklebuster on Styles, AJ Styles wins the WWF Title in the Elimination Chamber.
2018 Rumble - San Antonio - Ambrose goes over his former stablemate Langston, Jericho hits the quebrada on Reigns.
2017 Survivor Series - Houston - Becky and Charlotte exchange chops, Generico brainbuster on the apron against Kalisto, Tyler Black standing atop Dean Ambrose, Lesnar and Angle nose to nose.
2020 Rumble - Houston - Iyo high spot with Kari Sane, Lesnar and Gable walking the aisle together, Styles Clash on Danielson
Wrestlemania 38 - Dallas - Stone Cold Stunner on Edge, Lesnar submitting Riddle in the Octagon, Rousey getting a submission on Ripley, Usos winning the tag belts - Cody's return - Roman holding up the WWF Title.
Fight Forever - Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch enter, they go to the announce desk to join the broadcast team for the opening tag:
1. Winners go To Mania: Horsewomen (Ripley/Baszler) d. Morgan/Bliss v. Nikki/Niven v. Shotzki/Kai
The modern womens tag belt gets launched at Mania, Fight Forever taking on the winners of this match - it's the Horsewomen; they go over strong - the other story here is Nikki split from Morgan/Bliss in the build so the feud between those teams is furthered here. Postmatch, Fight Forever hits the ring - its noses to noses as the WM 39 banner overhead is unfurled.
2. Damian Priest (w/Solo) d. Montez Ford (w/Dawkins)
It's the blow off to the Defiance/Street Profits program, all four guys get involved here - and it's the heels who go over strong. This 2023 version of Defiance: Priest/Solo continues forward.
3. Loser Leaves Town: Logan Paul d. Edge
Edge uses his old gear, his old music - the goal is to seem as much as possible like its attitude era Edge, like when IRL Jericho became Lionheart. This should feel pretty heavy - it's not just Edge leaving the territory; he has grown up on WWF TV, and he, Christian and the Hardys are just an enormous part of the last two+decades. Edge is the last one left, there's as many callbacks to old spots as they can fit in here - this isn't God of Carnage Edge - and Paul can do all sorts of spots - it's the younger Paul who goes over here - he humps the prone body of Edge postmatch as the page turns. There's a long taped package marking Edge's career postmatch. You (the reader, not the viewer) know that the counterfactual is nearing an end, the Reigns push/story of his being the dawning of a new era/closing of the GDI era should probably be viewed by you, metatextually, as a recognition of that - this is in that vein, so many years, so many matches, so many programs around the Hardys and Edge/Christian - and now, they are all gone (and all with the other promotion).
4. Rey Mysterio d. Kingston
Rey gets in his stuff - fairly quick win for the legend. Mysterio stays ringside for his son's match.
5. Kevin Steen d. Dominic Mysterio
Rey/Steen had a personal feud that wasn't resolved to Rey's satisfaction and although Steen is a babyface now, he's not a babyface to Rey - Rey demanded his son fight this match with honor....but Dom does not, he does his chickenshit heel gimmick, including a spot where he attempts to hide behind Rey, causing Rey to have words with Steen and Dom to take advantage of that with a cheap shot that appears momentarily as if he may get a win. The match ends with Steen putting a submission hold on Dom - Dom reaches out to his father, who is on the floor - looking for aid in breaking the hold --- but Rey does not rulebreak, even in this moment - Steen submits Dom. Postmatch, Rey shakes his head and walks away from his son. Dom is masked, but ideally in the ring, he can convey the disappointment; Rey's the babyface here, obviously, but his personality could generously be described as overbearing and there's a good amount of equity now built into that element of his personality built into the Dominic relationship - so, even though we probably side with Rey, we do want to see Dom fight and now cower, after all -- the truth is he is more likely to win matches if he cowers, and isn't that what matters?
6. Chicago Street Fight: Asuka v. Iyo Sky
Asuka turned after Sky's victory over her at Survivor Series and is now a full nasty veteran heel, double color for this match, Asuka going over to even up this feud. Pretty simple story, it's the veteran Asuka, probably the greatest women's champion in the history of the WWF, coming back after injury and a step behind her protegee/friend/former stablemate Sky - add in some optics (look how Americanized, fan friendly, etc...Sky has become, to Asuka's chagrin) and a high level of workrate and that's the program. It's 1-1 now, you can assume this feud must continue.
7. Ricochet (w/BWI) v. Santos Escobar (w/TSG)
Another feud comes to an end, Ricochet and Blood Warriors International going over Escobar and Twisted Sun Gods, again, all 6 men wind up involved in the match, the rules go out the window, there are ladders, there's a tablebump - Ricochet gets the fall. BWI is Ricochet/Tozawa/Cedric Alexander, TSG is Escobar/Carrillo/Garza with Vega; most of the feud has taken place outside of PPV, but it's gone on for awhile on TV and this is the blowoff.
8. Cody Rhodes v. Chad Gable
Rhodes had just returned to the promotion, had some hot TV matches with Gable, when he was taken out of action by the Holy Roman Empire - Gable has some desperation here, not wanting to disappoint the big man - but it's Cody who gets the decisive fall. The work is valuable here - Gable is the workrate guy with HRE, also the guy who can eat pinfalls (like Waltman in the NWO) it's Cody's first singles PPV match since returning, so the match (and the first portion of the show, as there's an intermission after) ends with Cody standing triumphant - he has not only returned to the WWF, winning the IC - but then returned from injury to come back and go over a member of the top of the card stable who put hin on the shelf, Cody goes to the buckles - points to the WM sign -- and makes the motion signaling that he wants the title around his waist.
Intermission - it's an in ring promo from Shawn Michaels announcing that the Clique returns tomorrow night and introduces them - Matt Riddle and the newest member - LA Knight. Knight cuts a promo, the 3 men pose, the Clique rides again.
9. Womens Title: Bianca Belair v. Bayley
Bayley makes the big return from injury - but falls short in the all babyface match. They hug postmatch, tough loss for Bayley, it's all respect from Belair - pushed to her limit, but she retains and will head to WM39 as the Women's Champion.
10. Tag Titles: Dangerous Alliance (Walter/Brock Lesnar w/Heyman) d. Holy Roman Empire (McIntyre/Lashley)
The 117th WWF tag champs is the Dangerous Alliance, Walter and his mystery partner, who turns out to be Lesnar. Walter with Heyman first - we don't know who will come next although the working assumption is it's Rousey's return - but instead, it's Brock.
Lesnar got beaten down by HRE to close Summer Slam, Heyman led Walter to the ring to break it up - 5 months later, Lesnar returns, having once again rejoined Heyman, they are presented as a superteam and they really take it to McIntyre/Lashley, leaving them both for dead as they take the belts. Lesnar/Heyman have not been aligned since Heyman left him to manage Walter, but upon Brock's return to the promotion a year ago, multiple segments have portrayed them as fine - Heyman then aided Brock in the aforementioned manner after Summer Slam - so, with Rousey on the shelf, knocked out by Roman (and, while Brock barely knows who anyone in the sport is, much less respects them, he obviously knows and respects Rousey, cause she's a shootfighter) Heyman makes the call and Brock shows up.
This isn't a 50/50 match - the feeling here is MegaPowers - if Brock and Walter are on the same page, who could possibly beat them?
Rousey does return here - there's a spot where Gable makes his way to ringside - Gable's clearly going to interfere -- but right behind him down the ramp runs Rousey - and she puts Gable in a submission hold on the ramp - so the match ends with the fall going on in the ring while Gable is tapping out on the ramp.
11. IC Title: Prince Devitt d. Johnny Gargano
Devitt's workrate run continues - he goes over Gargano in what probably is the match of the night, main event style, long finishing sequence, Devitt keeps the belt. Just workrate here, give the people the very best match they could have.
12. WWF Title: Roman Reigns v. Tyler Black
Roman will go to Wrestlemania 39 as WWF Champion for a year - no members of the HRE appear at any point - the show ends with Roman having demonstrated he can defend his title on his own, he hits his catchphrase postmatch and the Rumble ends with Reigns alone in the ring holding the belt aloft. By necessity, Roman's had help throughout his reign from his stable (ideally, the help isn't viewed as determinative - this is a workrate promotion, so what you want are clean finishes, however, you do need to get over a heel stable as benefiting from numbers, so as a booking philosophy, you do pre match beatdowns, or very fast spots in the body of the match that swing momentum but don't lead to finishes) -- but here, since we're now moving to the big Mania main event - Reigns goes over clean - he's the man - he's who he says he is - he will go to WM 39 as WWF Champion for a full year.
And that's the Rumble.
Next month, part 1 of the build to Wrestlemania 39.
