Triple H, October 2011:
“When I grew up, I hated Hogan. I thought he was terrible and didn’t like to watch him. I was like Punk in a way. I liked the Steamboats and Flairs and the ones that could go. Would I be right in saying that Hogan was the wrong guy to go with, and they should’ve changed directions and gone with Steamboat because he was the better wrestler? Ludicrous.” - Triple H. October, 2011.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Summer Slam is here.
Survivor Series 2003 Dallas
(Dark: London/Spanky d. Haas/Benjamin)
(Dark: Ultimo Dragon d. Shane Helms)
JR/Taz again on the announce.
1. Dead Men Walking d. Bashams
-I got nothing here. I did the, “it’s not really a match” opening tag last show, I don’t have a DMW angle coming up until it’s time to turn the dead guy face again. Now is not that time. So, they smash up the Bashams, Triple Chokeslam. Dead guys get to eat.
2. Goldberg d. Scott Steiner
-As quick as can be. Scotty’s here to pose and feed Goldberg. Bill beats his chest after the match, starts yelling for Lesnar. “I want Lesnar! Are you scared, Lesnar? Come on down and face a real man, Lesnar.” That kinda thing. That’s it for Scotty, he’s only here for that job.
3. Jamie Noble d. Chris Benoit
And now the workrate starts. Noble is your Redneck Messiah, he’s got the chaw going, they should give him a valet/cousin who he makes out with. And he has some of Benoit’s moveset, leading to comparisons between the two, leading to Angle using him to distract Benoit from preparing for the title match. Benoit went over Noble in the tournament as Noble was moving heel, away from his club-hopping “don’t hit my hair” partner, Billy Kidman. Benoit can give Noble a lot of offense here, selling Noble as a quality worker.
Angle comes to ringside, bringing a chair on which he sits to read something…maybe a prop book: I Tapped Out: The Chris Benoit Story. Angle’s the finish, he distracts the official during a Benoit pinfall attempt, and slips the chair to Noble, who clocks Benoit and gets the shocking fall. Jamie Noble pins Chris Benoit at the Survivor Series. Benoit fumes at Angle as Noble runs the hell out of the ring. Angle shrugs his shoulders.
4. RVD (w/ Paul E) d. Booker (w/Bischoff)
Van Dam goes over with the frogsplash, Booker’s deteriorating now, and can really only be used in this type of role, given the depth of talent on the roster. Matt attacks postmatch, Matt pulling out the Counterfactual WWF standbye – the fork. Passed down from generation to generation, each wrestling company only has one fork – but some wrestling companies hoard all the forks, effectively becoming fork millionaires. Matt takes the fork to Van Dam and then to Paul E – both of them now spurting blood as Bischoff encourages greater and greater violence. Matt leaves Van Dam laid out, then points to his head with his thumbs. “Matt Har-Dy”
5. Christian (w/Trish) d. Jericho
As of this original writing, Christian had used to term Christian Coalition only once, either as a throw off line that they never went back to, or as a plan that got aborted when someone decided there would be heat. I like heat, so that’s cool with me. Incidentally, as of this original writing he had just, like that week, started using “that’s how I roll” as a catchphrase and I instantly knew it was money. So he starts hitting it right here
So, Christian’s full on cocky, Jericho’s full on DarkJericho. It’s Christian’s return and he goes over clean. Wins with the Crusader, another upset tonight. Trish, who spent the match mocking Jericho (we’ll have Trish dress like Stacy for the match, straight hair, short skirt, she’ll do Stacy’s ring entrance, she’ll use Stacy’s music, she’ll do the Beulah back arch as she climbs into the ring) and Trish even gets a kick in at Jericho during mid match – postmatch, Trish taunts Jericho, taking the mic as Jericho lies in the ring holding his head. Trish says there’s only one thing that still confuses her, is Jericho all broken hearted because he lost Stacy…or because he lost Lance.
6. Tags: HBK/HHH d. Dudleys
Duds can’t get over the veteran tag champs. It’s a superkick pinfall finish. We got a lot of booking to do here, and in fact, the next three matches are too heavily booked. You have my apologies. During the match, we get a RVD/Matt spot (as part of the prematch build, we ran a couple six mans for TV say, Dudleys/RVD, now reunited under Paul E, against Michaels/London/Spanky. I’d like some London/RVD noise to percolate a little bit, we also have HHH perhaps fuming a little that he isn’t in that six man – why does Michaels need to team with the kids, what’s he trying to say?
So, we toss in something here – we cut back to the infirmiry in the back, Van Dam and Heyman are getting stitched up, silently watching the Dudleys, offering some type of support even though they are too angry and injured to go to the ring or to actually cheer (Heyman would know what I mean) Hardy and Bischoff burst in – Hardy toppling the beds, Hardy putting the boots to both of them, ripping out the stitches, bashing in the monitor – Bischoff pushing him to go further and further, Hardy laying both guys out one more time. Hardy covered in Heyman's and Van Dam's blood.
Michaels gets fall on DVon. Postmatch, HHH/HBK are attacked by Haas and Benjamin. As the dark matches have indicated, they’ve been feuding with Spanky/London since losing their tag titles to HHH/HBK – and now they hop back into the title mix with the attack on the veteran champs. Save by Spanky and London. Now – HHH, say, has the crimson mask, he’s gotta bleed to cover up for the lack of work – and they sell that he can’t see anything, you know, wild swinging, that kinda thing.
So, when Spanky and London enter, face save – but are stopped when HHH, obviously unable to see, Pedigrees London. I mean, it has to be an unfortunate accident, right? ‘Cause Hunter wouldn’t have done that kinda thing on purpose. Right?
Spanky starts swinging at HHH, Michaels gets in between to straighten everything out. Spanky won’t hear it and he aids London in leaving the ring, leaving Michaels and HHH.
7. Worldwide Titles: Chavo d. Tajiri
The veterans, Flair and Ultimo brawl on the outside and are ejected from ringside, meaning, of course, we can get a clean finish. Chavo, by himself, goes over Tajiri and wins his first ever WWF belt. Flair/Leviathan enter postmatch – celebrating hard with Chavo as they stomp out Tajiri and throw the four fingers in the air. Wooooooo!
8. Undisputed Championship: Eddy d. Brock d. Benoit d. Angle
Lots of fun spots to do, we start with Eddy/Brock, since that’s been the main feud. Brock gets an advantage, Eddy tags in Benoit. Brock since we need to re-establish him, gets an advantage, Benoit tags in Angle. So now they can do some Angle/Brock stuff again, which is good and they have Brock tag in Benoit. It’s Benoit/Angle now, but Angle wants no part of it – recognizing he can frustrate the hot tempered Benoit – he refuses to lock up and instead tags in Eddy. That allows for some Eddy/Benoit before the match breaks down into some two on twos, some two on the inside, two on the outside, and then every man for himself.
It’s one fall to a finish and not an elimination, so we have the unusual saves. It looks like Eddy has Angle pinned after a frogsplash, but Benoit saves, and they sell that’s how much Chris Benoit needs to regain the title, that he’d stop his biggest enemy from getting pinned by his best friend.
Benoit winds up being taken out of the match though, by Jamie Noble, who beat Benoit earlier in the night, he attacks Benoit on the outside, and has him in the Crippler Crossface during the finish.
Angle’s not involved in the finish either, he’s on the apron, exhausted, it’s about a 40 minute match, and it certainly appears that he has the ability to save Brock after Eddy hits the frog splash…but Angle doesn’t and Eddy gets the fall and keeps the strap.
Much speculation about this between now and the Rumble. Did Angle have the opportunity to save Brock? Did he willingly give up on this title match? JRs theory is that Angle chose his unbeaten streak over the WWF Title, a terrible offense. Even though Angle’s on the losing side of this match, he continues to say that he is unbeaten, he’s never been beaten, he’ll never be beaten in the WWF.
The other theory, and the one offered by Angle when we get close to the Rumble (after weeks of saying he couldn’t have made the save, that the fall was too far away, or he didn’t see the fall, or he was chipping golf balls on his lawn during the fall) was that he thought if he saved Eddy, that Brock, the youngest man in the match, the healthiest man, the man in the best shape – he thought Brock was sure to win.
And, Angle will confess just before the Rumble, maybe he’s not sure he can beat Brock at this point in his career.
But…he knows he can beat Eddy. Which tips where we’re going for Royal Rumble 2004, from Barbed Wire City – Philadelphia.
Anyway, it’s Eddy with the frog splash over Brock. Eddy comes to his home state of Texas and keeps the Undisputed Championship, going over the highest competition in the world in the process. Chavo now comes back to the ring with his 3 belts, the two Guerreros go nose to nose, six title belts between them, as the show ends. Guerreros~
As stated, the 2004 Rumble is coming from Philly.
The buildup to the Rumble starts with the opening tag. The TitanTrust (all wearing XX – Where it all Beings…Again) t-shirts announce that since Philadelphia is where the three way dance was born, there will be two of them at the Royal Rumble.
Okay, the opening tag will be a three way elimination match, the winning team getting to go to Wrestlemania XX to challenge for the straps.
And you gotsta know, a spot at WM XX – it’s all anyone cares about in the entire sport.
3 RAW matches are set up, winners go to the Rumble for that 3 way opening tag dance.
First, it’s Cena and Orton getting a shot against Shane Helms and a partner of his choice. This is how we sell the importance of finding a way to Mania…Helms walks into the back where Rhyno and Moore and getting ready. They assume it’s an attack, as the three men have been in the Spree Killers war for a year. Instead, Helms tells them he has a chance to go to the Rumble (for the chance to go to XX). And he wants one of them to be his partner.
Rhyno and Moore look at each other – and then they start fighting, right there in the locker room, Moore and Rhyno, partners, without a shred of turmoil between them, start brawling right in the back. Rhyno gores Moore into the lockers, knocking him cold, then turns to Helms, “are we cool?”
Rhyno/Helms, as the SpreeKillers, go over Cena/Orton – and gain a spot at the Rumble.
The Brain Trust then tabs Ultimo – and says he needs to find a partner to wrestle Flair/Leviathan for the Rumble spot. Ultimo, in Japanese, calls Jimmy Yang to the ring.
Periodically, Ultimo’s continued throughout his TV run to beat on Yang, every time Yang makes a goofy ass “dude, my mom’s like Korean and stuff” comment, Ultimo kicks him in the head. But now he calls him out and asks to be partners. Yang is scared to death, a Japanese legend like the Ultimo Dragon chooses him. And he, of course, accepts. We get a couple of spots with them training with Tajiri, Yang being brought into the fold.
But they lose to Flair/Leviathan. Leviathan hitting the DemonBomb on Yang for the fall. Ultimo, of course, attacks Yang postmatch…but there’s a save by Tajiri. Tajiri kicks his mentor down, turning face. Flair/Leviathan go to the Rumble.
One more, as runoff from the Dudleys/Clique feud, we do Dudleys v. Spanky/London. Paul E, in an unbelievably foul mood since Survivor Series, obviously, hits the ECW thing hard, as the Rumble is in Philly. Spanky and London have had no interaction with Michaels and Helmsley until the two of them come to the back to wish them luck prematch.
Van Dam runs in on the match to aid the Dudleys. HHH/HBK run in for the save – a save that results, of course, in HHH “inadvertently” hitting London, on whom the Dudleys get the 3D.
Dudleys go to the Rumble, they’ll meet Flair/Leviathan and the SpreeKillers, winners go to XX to wrestle for the straps.
Two return singles matches converge in the buildup. It’s time for another Matt/RVD – we add the return to Philly as the new character in the match. Matt cuts an anti-ECW promo, he comes out to Van Dam’s music before a match against, say, Kidman. Matt’s particularly cocky now since laying Van Dam out at Survivor Series. He works the whole Van Dam moveset in going over Kidman, and finishes with a Van Daminator. Points to his head with his thumbs, “Matt Har-Dy” He says it’s really not that hard to be RVD. Who it’s hard to be is Matt Hardy. He’s held his tongue a long time, but it’s time Matt Hardy got some respect around here. Matt Hardy came up as a Clique ring boy, when RVD came to the WWF – in his first ever match he got a World Title shot. Matt Hardy’s been here ten years – how many singles world title shots has he gotten? Zero.
Zero. Matt gets hot. Zero! But RVD’s “extreme” RVD jumps off chairs and crashes through tables?
Are you kidding me? Does anyone remember the Tables, Ladders, and Chairs matches? In the history of this sport – no matches ever had more punishment. And who was the one guy to survive? Matt Hardy. The Dudleys – well, we know they ain’t got anything left. Edge? He’s been gone a year now. My brother Jeff? He left the business completely. The only guy left is me, Matt Har-dy.
Hit Christian’s music. Christian and Trish enter. Christian tells Matt that maybe he’s been too busy not wrestling to notice, but at Survivor Series, he came back to the ring and pinned the 2 time intercontinental champion Chris Jericho right in the middle of the ring. And if you listen to the Christian Coalition…
…fans react as they will…
…if you listen to the Christian Coalition, they’ll tell you that at the Royal Rumble, the most extreme athlete in the world today will Rock the Boulevard. And that won’t be Matt Har-Dy. And it won’t be R-V-D….it’s gonna be M-E, and that spells Me, My name is Christian – and That’s How I Roll.
Hit RVDs music. Van Dam enters. Van Dam angry – hostile – shoves Christian out of the way – Van Dam and Hardy do a nose to nose – Van Dam quietly tells Hardy that if he thinks he’s going to go to his house, going to go to Philly, and get out alive – that he’s made a miscalculation. The two are about to throw down…
…when DarkJericho, without music, enters in his streetclothes. Jericho pauses, looks at all three men, shakes his head and says, “You’re not worth my time” and starts to leave.
Trish makes some type of gay Jericho insinuation again, something that stops him cold as he starts to exit the ring. Jericho walks right up to Trish, who stands her ground, Jericho, very matter of factly looks her in the eye and says in as much of a non-wrestling promo way as possible “Trish, at the Royal Rumble…I’m going to hurt you. I am going to hurt you unbelievably badly.”
Jericho drops the mic and exits.
We’re gonna get some tags as we build to the rematches, with Jericho/Matt teaming against Christian and Van Dam – but, at some point we’re gonna switch it up, there will be a match where Matt and Christian rekindle their old ring boys feud and just go after each other, leaving Jericho and Van Dam to do the same.
The TitanTrust says that the feuds between all these men are so personal – threatening to get so far out of hand – that they can’t in all conscience run rematches in a place like Philadelphia. So, instead, they’re switching them up.
So, at the Rumble, it’s Matt against Christian and Jericho vs. RVD. The thought being that Matt’s now made a heel turn, while Christian’s act is supposed to be drawing a number of fans...meanwhile, RVD is a total face in Philly, obviously, and Dark Jericho has been acting awfully heelish.
We’ve got the Benoit/Noble rematch.
Benoit’s hot. He lost to Noble, then Noble put him in his own hold and cost him the chance to regain the WWF title. Unlike the cool heat of Jericho – Benoit runs hot – so, the night after RAW, say, Noble is in the back with Holly, talking Nascar or Jessica Simpson or some other white trash topic – Benoit doesn’t even take a pause, he barges in and drives at Noble, they brawl on the hard concrete floor of the locker room, Benoit drags Noble through the back by his hair – suplexing him into the wall, battering him into a soda machine. Holly, a face, but a southerner and a veteran, pulls Benoit off – tells him to calm down, to do it in the ring – and Benoit goes off on Holly, ramming his head into a table. Holly’s friend Morley intercedes (hey, Morley!) and Benoit just lays into him as well.
On the road to the Rumble, we can get face/face stuff with Benoit and both Holly and Morley. They keep Noble away from Benoit – he runs everytime he sees him. Benoit is all fury, all the time. We can throw Eddy in as a partner for Benoit against Holly/Morley. We get a thing where Angle makes fun of Benoit for losing.
One more singles before the title matches.
We do a nose to nose between Goldberg and Lesnar. Building for awhile, Goldberg says the only reason he came out of retirement, came to the WWF, was to headline XX – and beat Brock Lesnar for the Undisputed Championship. Goldberg/Lesnar for the Undisputed Straps at XX – it would have been the biggest match of all time.
But Brock can’t get the job done. At XIX, he couldn’t beat Kurt Angle. At,Summer Slam, he couldn’t beat Eddy Guerrero. And at Survivor Series, he got beat again – 3 shots at the gold – Brock Lesnar, “The Next Big Failure” blows it three times.
Brock enters, tells Goldberg to “jerk himself off, you jerk, jerkoff” If he had really wanted to win the title, he woulda won the title. He’s the greatest athlete in the world, he doesn’t care about these jerkoffs in the WWF, everyone who has ever won the WWF Title is a bunch of jerkoffs. You want a real sport – football is a real sport. A sport for real men, not a bunch of jerkoff sport like pro wrestling.
And that’s when, from the crowd, leaps Mick Foley with a barbed wire 2x4, that he plants in the middle of Brock Lesnar’s head.
Recall, Lesnar laid Foley out during the Triple Crown ceremony after Summer Slam.
Blood everywhere. Foley pounds away at Lesnar. Goldberg backs away as if to say, “hey, I don’t got nothing to do with this.”
The following week, Foley promos. “Four years ago Cactus Jack retired, four years ago, I knew his body couldn’t take it anymore. Cactus Jack gave all he had to give, spilled all the blood he had to spill, left his guts in this ring.
But Mick Foley’s got one more match left.
There’s nothing Mick Foley hates more than a guy who doesn’t respect my sport. Brock Lesnar won a contest, got title shots, has put in less time than 99% of the locker room, and still stands in this ring and pisses all over it. WELL, I’M NOT GOING TO PISS ON YOU AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE, LESNAR!! I’M GOING TO SLICE YOU OPEN
The Royal Rumble is in Philadelphia, Barbed Wire City. And at the Royal Rumble, I’m going to take you downtown to Chinatown, Brock Lesnar. You want to leave this company? You want to leave this sport? I’ll give you something to remember it by. At the Royal Rumble, Brock Lesnar will meet Mick Foley…
In a barbed wire match.”
So, we do that. It’s Mick’s return, which is a thing after four years, a WWF legend, Triple Crown winning Mick Foley, returns. And the barbed wire aspect adds the hardcore element to the card. People who dislike Brock will look forward to seeing him get cut up, and one wonders if Foley can possibly compete with an athlete like Lesnar, even in the gimmick match in crazy Philadelphia.
Tag titles, Haas and Benjamin, after the Survivor Series postmatch, challenge HBK and HHH. We can get singles matches in the run up. We can even do a four man one week, with Angle and Lesnar with the heels and Spanky and London with the faces. That will break down, Brock gets attacked by Goldberg (who they keep in the mix with Brock, even with the Foley program) Angle doesn’t want to take the loss, so he walks out, so it’s Haas and Benjamin, screwed, down 4-2, when London “inadvertently” takes out HHH. And Haas and Benjamin get the fall.
HHH says it was intentional, London and Spanky say the three times he keeps taking them out is intentional, Michaels has to pull them apart as the show ends.
So, we’ve got that.
I mentioned we’d have two three ways, the IC is a three way also. It’s Chavo, the new IC champ, against newly turned face Tajiri, and Rey, the megaface. It’s a great workrate match, plus we have the Chavo/Eddy thing, and the Tajiri turn going on.
And, as mentioned at Survivor Series’ end, it’s Eddy defending against Angle.
Eddy’s had the big year. Beat Benoit at XIX. Won the 64 man tournament and became Undisputed Champion and the Triple Crown holder. Then won the 4 way at Survivor Series. But he’s yet to beat Angle. No one’s ever beaten Kurt Angle.
Angle talks about the match as if it’s easy. “I didn’t try to stop Eddy from pinning Brock because I know I can beat Eddy Guerrero. No offense to Eddy, but lets be honest people, he’s not in my league. You know it, I know it, even Vince McMahon, still drooling in his hospital bed since I hit him with the angle slam knows it. Oh, it’s true. It’s true. If Eddy Guerrero has the best day of his life, if every one of those mutants in Philadelphia is on his side, if the referee is his mother and the timekeeper is his grandmother and they all bring piñatas on sticks to beat me with – the only thing that will happen is that I’m walking out of that ring with a load of candy, two gold medals, and my Undisputed Championship of the World.
Because I’m Kurt Angle.”
And that’s your show. Top to bottom, bottom to top, it’s a lot of card.
Eddy defends against Angle for the three big belts. Chavo defends in the workrate three way for the Worldwide against Rey and Tajiri. HBK/HHH defending the straps against Haas and Benjamin. The legendary Mick Foley returns after four years – and he’s in a barbed wire match against Brock Lesnar. Benoit gets Jamie Noble in a rematch. With our matchup shakeup, it’s Jericho against RVD, and it’s Christian against Matt, we also have the three way tag to open it up, Dudleys v. Spree Killers v. Flair and Leviathan.
All in Philadelphia as we march to XX.
Fuck that’s a good show. Buy it. Royal Rumble 2004