Summer Slam is here.
Survivor Series 2000 (Tampa)
(Dark – Aguila d. Killings)
JR introduces his special guest commentator - Mick Foley. Bang, Bang!
Skip’s music hits; he and PAUL~ enter. Skip calls out Young Lawler and Taylor. Skip says that as he waits for daddy to keel over in his applesauce, as apparently he's been in some assisted living facility since XV, and leave him the family business, Skip says he's started to have his accountants go over the books – and there are some expenditures that simply cannot be justified any longer.
He tells Lawler and Taylor that he’s not exactly sure who they are, but he knows they are getting paid a salary – he pulls out their contracts – and since they have yet to win a match, that means that in a company full of losers – they are clearly the biggest losers of all.
So, he has a proposition for them: they can either be fired right now in this ring – and they will be fired not with a pink slip…..but with a chokeslam… (Paul looks menacing)
….or, they can accept an offer to transfer their wrestling contracts to personal services contracts for Skip.
Skip can always use more help. Food tasters. Someone to wash his Benz. Do his dry cleaning. Man servants, really. Brian and Scotty. Man servants. They can take the next ten seconds to decide.
They take the deal.
So, whenever you see Skip, trailing behind him, in some type of demeaning uniforms, Taylor and Lawler. It’s very disrespectful.
1. Cage Match: Hardys (w/Lita) d. Dudleys
Duds bring some tables to the ring. Hardys able to escape – there’s a spot where Lita climbs into the cage – she takes the big bump on top of the Dudleys, say as they were about to put Matt through the tables. So, both Hardys escape – say, all four men are climbing the cage simultaneously – and the Hardys drop…
But for some reason, the Dudleys decide to stay on top of the cage…they didn’t try to win (recall, it's a double escape match) they threw the match…why didn’t they fall….instead…they’re climbing back down into the cage…
See, it’s a trick – so now, they’re alone with Lita in the cage – they 3D her through a table. And that wraps Lita up. Well, until 2005 when that thing happens. She goes to Smackdown and vanishes from the Counterfactual. Dudleys get revenge for what they think the Hardys did to Stevie.
So, obviously, this program continues.
2. Undertaker d. Morley
This is not a result with which you, fan of the workrate, are pleased. Heel ‘Taker gets some heat back after losing to Angle, they need him rolling to Mania. It’s a good, little match. Solid undercard work from The Abolitionist as he feeds the guys with programs.
3. Rock d. Outlaws
Rock pins both guys simultaneously, couple of Rock Bottoms. It’s a squash, Rock has to get the some heat back. Rock’s got the mainstream mojo going, of course, and if, say, JR referred to him as he pinned the former tag champs simultaneously as “A legend in the making.” that wouldn’t bother me. I say, a “legend” in the making.
Not too subtle there.
4. Angle d. Saturn
Okay, heat things up a bit – Alliance member Saturn puts Angle over clean – and Angle’s unbeaten streak rolls on, it’s now 1 year since his match against PAUL, and he has yet to lose (more importantly, he’s learned how to wrestle by this point) so now, he’s actually the better worker in the match – he and Perry suplex the hell out of each other – and when he wins, the announce plays it up as Angle fighting off the Alliance. And – how much longer until Kurt Angle gets a title shot – those kinda things. They're doing the slow build with Angle, they got him hot early, and now they want him on simmer until ready for the boil. Angle starts calling out Benoit at every opportunity – after this match, he should make the motion for the belt.
5. Eddy d. Dean
It’s all workrate, give them 24 minutes, they tear the building down. Eddy wins with the roll up – and then extends his hand to Dean – who refuses to accept it. Dean walks off – and that burns Eddy up. That’s Dean’s last PPV match ever, by the way, we’ll deal with that on RAW. Eddy’s one of the ten best workers who ever lived, Dean’s maybe top 25.
6. Tags: Edge and Christian d. HHH/Waltman
Okay, we’re booking here. HHH and Waltman are the de facto face team, no turn, but they've booked them as the aggrieved vets and E and C as the punky heels, swaddled in awesomness. Trish is staying right down the middle. We see how the vets are trying to keep their spots, see how the kids are trying to take over – so we root for the vets – who gain control – Hunter hits the Pedigree on Edge – Hunter has the fall ---
…when Waltman comes off the top rope with the legdrop to wipe him out.
Which, one recalls, was how Waltman turned heel on Razor almost a decade before. I enjoy the references.
Edge covers HHH for the fall. E, C, Waltman, and Trish stomp HHH out – they stand over him and do the Clique symbol – Trish shows the video wall – says that when they were showing old Clique clips – there’s one they left out --- and they show the clip of Hunter taking out Michaels.
Trish says that it was time the Clique cut some dead weight – and there’s no weight deader than Triple H. They leave Hunter laying in the ring.
7. IC: Steve Regal d. Chris Jericho
And here’s your mystery opponent match. We get the whole Regal spot from before he got fired. They have the British guy intro him – they tell the ruffians in the crowd to pay homage – they say the Queen has sent Regal as a special emissary to take Her Gold from the Canadian Jericho.
Regal’s back for good now, although, obviously he only has a small stretch where they use him much. He’s clean, in great shape, and can go, daddy.
It’s the same Regal character that we used before in the Counterfactual, which is basically his WCW character – they have to sell the weird mixture though – since he’s a legit tough guy, wrestling in the carnivals of Blackpool since he was 14, and his style is stiff and unusual. But he is also haughty and prim and royal. JR sells the mixture of all of it – Regal uses the ropes as leverage as he takes Jericho’s title. Regal smirks, has his man put the belt on him, avoids the fans as if they are diseased. Regal always looks as if he has just smelled something very offensive.
8. WWF Title: Benoit d. Austin
Fun. When Austin came back from the neck surgery, he came back ready to go. His stuff with Benoit during this stretch was sweet, he did some of the Austin brawling stuff – but also went back to the in-ring impact stuff, taking and throwing suplexes – just being a wrestler again. It was in this stretch when Benoit hit Austin with 10 consecutive german suplexes on TV, a helluva spot considering Austin just had the surgery. It was great – so this match totally brings the noise – it’s Austin’s return after a year away and he’s wrestling the total heel Benoit – so the crowd is hot for it – and then when Benoit gets Austin to tap to the crossface – good god – he’s beaten Foley, Rock, and Austin – who could possibly stop this wrecking machine? Really good fucking match. Think Benoit screaming at guys to submit when they are in the crossface. Benoit screaming, just screaming at Steve Austin as he tightens the hold.
Two pieces of business – the full Alliance enters the ring after the match, Perry’s hot ‘cause he lost, Eddy and Dean won’t look at each other – everyone scowling as Benoit holds the belt aloft. But there is no joy in the celebration – the four men all scowling , three of them upset – and Benoit, who is always scowling.
They exit and Austin eventually recovers – so the fans can give him the loser’s standing ovation – Austin does his beer salute, as far as we know, this is a one shot deal, JR and Foley put him over, he came back to face Benoit, his career belongs to him again, but now that he has lost, it's entirely possible that this is the last we'll see of Steve Austin – and then he is attacked from behind by Regal.
Regal, getting some payback – recall Austin punked Regal out in his only PPV match during his first WWF run. Austin beat him then poured the beer on him – so they give Regal that spot here. Regal levels Austin with the IC belt – stomps Austin out – puts him in the Regal Stretch – then takes a swig of Austin’s beer – makes the “ugh, American swill” face – and spits it out on Austin. Tough night to be a face – as that’s how the show ends - Regal smirking over the bloody Austin.
In the NWA…Nash gets a tag win over his partner turned rival Goldberg. DDP beats Funk. A loss for Jarrett. A win for Douglas. Booker goes over Steiner. Helms and Moore keep the tag titles over Jimmy Yang and Billy Kidman. Lance Storm keeps his TV title over Jamie Noble, and Little Rey keeps the world title over Kaz Hayashi, in a superduper match.
Starrcade – 2000 DC
NWA Title: Rey Mysterio d. Kaz Hayashi
US Title: Lance Storm d. Jamie Noble
Tags: Helms/Shannon Moore d. Jimmy Yang/Billy Kidman
Booker T. d. Scott Steiner
Shane Douglas d. Bam Bam Bigelow
Devon Storm d. Jeff Jarrett
Terry Funk d. DDP
Nash/Palumbo d. Goldberg/Luger
The first event of 2001 – is the last event for ECW.
ECW shuts the doors in January with Guilty as Charged in Queens. A win for Justin Credible – who tells the crowd to look for him in New Orleans in a couple of weeks – Tommy Dreamer beats the Sandman, the last time you’ll see the Sandman in the Counterfactual. Your final ECW tag champs…Spike Dudley and Rhyno, who take from Guido and Mikey. Your final ECW TV champ…Tajiri, who keeps in another great match against Super Crazy. And your final ECW Champ…RVD, who retakes over Jerry Lynn. Everyone cries as the boys take a bow in the ring following the match. Paul E takes the mic – tells the fans that the spirit of ECW will live on – and he promises that if they just look hard enough, they’ll be able to find the next phase in the Hardcore Revolution.
E-C-W…E-C-W…E-C-W…E-C-W…
Guilty as Charged – 2001 Queens
ECW Title: RVD d. Jerry Lynn
TV: Tajiri d. Crazy
Tags: Spike/Rhyno d. Guido/Mikey
Dreamer d. Sandman
Justin d. Corino
Kash d. Money
Anderson d. Doring
Nova/Roadkill d. York/Mathews
The Royal Rumble is coming up from New Orleans.
Tags….We get Hardys/Dudleys again, winners go to Mania. This is now super hot, with the Stevie and now Lita angles. They're gonna do the title match out of this too, there's an E/C RAW title defense over the Duds – the Hardys will run in to beat the Dudleys down – and they and E/C will effectively team up for a moment to stomp out the Dudleys – Taz makes the save – Taz suplexing all four guys – the Duds and the Hardys regrouping to continue brawling.
Which gets us to an E/C program with Taz. They’ll call him out the following week, they’ll clown him, he lost to Foley, he lost to Angle – people say Taz is bad, people say he’s the King of Hardcore – but it’s E and C who ripple with awesomenemnity, while it’s Taz who is always flat on his back.
Taz is less mad about that than you might think. Says he’ll find a partner, and challenge E and C to a nontitle next week.
It’s next week – and the partner – is Raven.
Raven debuts in the WWF, he and Taz beat E and C in the nontitle – so they make the match for the Rumble. We get some backstage stuff with Taz, Raven and the Dudleys, the Duds are broken up over what happened to Stevie, they visit him in the hospital, that kinda thing. They hate those fucking Hardys. Raven and Taz say, don’t worry about the tag titles, they just aren’t important right now – your job is to kill those Hardys for what they did to Stevie – Stevie was Family, Stevie was ECW – you know, Bubba, Raven says, you know Bubba – this wouldn’t have happened if you had more numbers behind you….
“What do you mean?”
Raven: You guys really need to talk to Paul E.
Duds aren’t happy about this – look, we’re glad to see you here, but we never want anything to do with that guy again. We’re all brothers – but when we left ECW, we left ECW – me and DVon have a new life now, we’re Hardcore forever – but we’ve found a home in the WWF.
Raven and Taz say that’s okay, they understand – you just avenge Stevie now, take care of those Hardys while we take care of E and C for you. They have that same conversation as many times as we have to so they can make the point.
We can even get a weird little 8 man, with the Ring Boys reuniting against the Hardcore Family.
Taz is a New York thug, with that veteran professional wrestler, don’t disrespect the ring thing going. He’s the human suplex machine. Joey Styles used to call him the most miserable son of a bitch on the planet. Very far removed from the jokey analyst character he does now. Raven’s Kurt Cobain. That’s the gimmick. He’s a heroin user, in constant emotional pain that he medicates by beating people up.
They continue the Skip McMahon angle. The Outlaws lose, say to Taz/Raven, Skip and PAUL~ enter (w/Lawler and Taylor brining them food or valeting their cars, whatever) and repeat the angle with the Outlaws. And again, they accept the deal, rather than get fired/beaten down by PAUL~
The reason it gets heat, even though we don’t like the Outlaws, for example, is that, like with everything Skip does, it shows a lack of respect for the business – we don’t like the Outlaws, and they’re jobbing out, but they were champs – and for Skip to make them his personal assistants, that’s just wrong. It’s offensive, how little regard the eventual owner has for his own company. It’s not his plaything – it’s our WWF. Skip says we’ll see he and his staff in New Orleans.
Undertaker beats Al on RAW. ‘Taker’s rolling onto Mania now, he chokeslams Al after a match, says “Hey Snow – you still aren’t worth talking to in the locker room.” Undertaker’s pissed that Al has a win over him, wants to even the score.
We get a spot where Morley attacks the entire Alliance – he gets paired off with Saturn – and the two will meet at the Rumble – winner gets a spot at Mania.
The IC is Regal defending against Austin, of course, coming off Survivor Series. Regal taunts Austin, he’s got the IC belt now, it’s Austin who is flat on his back in the ring, covered in beer. Austin says he’s always heard the British liked to get other men from behind, but he hadn’t ever experienced it before.
Regal’s pompous, Austin’s Austin. They hook it up.
Two more.
Right after Survivor Series, they announce a little tournament – winner gets the title shot at Mania. Very small tournament. 4 guys. We’ll get 2 matches at RAW, finals at the Rumble. Winner goes to XVII. Lotta weight here.
We get Angle/Dean first. Angle goes over clean, which continues his unbeaten streak at a year and a half, and gives him his biggest ever win. He’ll go to the Rumble to face…
The Rock, who goes over Eddy clean. Rock’s biggest win ever. Rock pinned both Outlaws, then beats Eddy – and he stays hot – and no one is as hot as Angle. We do face/face, Angle/Rock at the Rumble – winner main events at XVII. Building, Building, Building…
Eddy and Dean both losing leads Benoit to bring the Alliance in the ring – Eddy and Dean begin arguing again – then start taking shots at each other – Benoit suplexes both guys to break up the fight – then takes the mic and screams at them to go home. GO HOME, GO HOME, GO HOME, GO HOME.
Benoit says Eddy and Dean are the greatest wrestlers alive – and they are killing the Alliance with their bickering. They aren’t focused, they’re losing – and Benoit doesn’t want to see them until they get their shit together. How many roads did they have to travel to get here. How many steps did they have to climb. How many hours in backwater gyms in front of a dozen people who only wanted to see some yak take her top off? Now here they are, at the top of the world, I've got the WWF World Championship belt around my waist - and you two are making my life miserable. GO_ _HOME!
Eddy and Dean leave. Benoit continues to seethe – and he’ll need that, because at the Rumble, he meets Jericho.
A reminder of the backstory – Jericho once took the NWA Title from Benoit. Which he’ll remind Benoit of multiple times. But this is the Hart Foundation storyline. Jericho wants Benoit to confront who he is, and also give us the full groundwork for the Benoit character, who obviously is going to be with us for awhile.
Jericho’s got videotape, he’s got photographs they show on the big screen. Jericho takes a trip to Calgary to talk to people about Benoit, and we’ll watch clips of that every week.
We learn how Benoit left Edmonton at 16 to move in with the Hart family, how he idolized Dynamite – Jericho shows how Benoit not only looks like Dynamite in the ring, but physically he looks like Dynamite “Hey Benoit, here are five pictures, four are the Dynamite Kid and one is you – can you pick yourself out?” Jericho confronts Benoit after Dean and Eddy are gone – says where is this Alliance you’re talking about? Jericho says we talked about this, Chris – you and me and Lance – we talked about one day carrying on the Stampede name – Dynamite Kid, WWF Champion; Davey Boy Smith, WWF Champion, Bret Hart, WWF Champion, Owen Hart, WWF Champion --- and here you are Chris – here you are – you are the WWF Champion – Jericho tells Benoit that even though we haven’t been friends in years, when you beat Cactus Jack at last year’s Wrestlemania – when you held up that title belt the way that we always talked about – the first thing I did was call up Lance, and the two of us got choked up, Benoit. Dammit, Chris – stop this Alliance stuff – you aren’t in ECW…you aren’t in the NWA….you’re in the World Wrestling Federation….
You’re home, Chris. You’re home. This is Hart Country. You and me, Chris. H2K. H2K. H2K. H2K….
(A chant would be nice. I love this stuff. This, this is the stuff I love. )
Jericho offers his hand – I’d like if Benoit’s eyes were watering a little bit – and then of course he blasts Jericho, beats him down.
But that’s the backdrop. Benoit/Jericho. The legacy of the Hart Foundation at the top of the card.
And we’ve got an interesting little show here. Benoit/Jericho for the WWF Title, Regal/Austin for the IC, Angle/Rock, winner goes to Mania for the strap – all big time singles matches. E and C defending the tags against Raven and Taz, and another Hardys/Dudleys, big time tag matches. Add Undertaker/Al and Morley/Perry underneath..call your cable company! Royal Rumble 2001!
