Triple H, October 2011:
“When I grew up, I hated Hogan. I thought he was terrible and didn’t like to watch him. I was like Punk in a way. I liked the Steamboats and Flairs and the ones that could go. Would I be right in saying that Hogan was the wrong guy to go with, and they should’ve changed directions and gone with Steamboat because he was the better wrestler? Ludicrous.” - Triple H. October, 2011.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Summer Slam is here.
Survivor Series 2004 Cleveland
Show opens with a shot of the late Stu Hart, followed by one of the Mexican legend Gory Guerrero. Shots of the Dynamite Kid, Davey Boy Smith, Bret Hart and Owen Hart – all former WWF Champions – followed by Hector, Mondo, and Chavo Guerrero Sr.
Now highlights briefly capturing the six matches on the undercard. We see the comedy babyface team of Randy Orton and John Cena, shocking even themselves by defeating the 2 time WWF champs the Dudley Boys at Summer Slam (with the aid of RVD, exacting revenge on both them and his former manager Paul E.) and we see them repeatedly turn down the offers of The NeoCon GHB to enlist in the Army:
Orton: Cowboy Bob did not expend his mighty seed so that this face would go kill Iraqis.
Cena: Yo, that’s straight up bananas, G. Fo shizzle. Bradshaw, in business suit and cowboy hat, does find a recruit, Shoeless Rob Conway, as dumb as he is young, and he follows the NeoCon around absorbing each diatribe about the white man’s burden.
We see the Dead Man, who has returned to his Dead Man ways, standing tall with Kane and PAUL as part of Dead Men Walking – but a losing streak turned the younger giants on the Legend – the ‘Taker disposed of Kane at Summer Slam – can he defeat PAUL here at Survivor Series?
More tag team highlights – the current incarnation of the SpreeKillers, Helms and Rhyno, both shirtless and scrawled with messages all over their bodies – like Memento without the memory loss – brawling with Booker, who “Gots to Get Paid!” and his new young protégée, Orlando Jordan – the two teams also feuding with the Asians, Tajiri and Yang all summer long.
We see Kidman, throwing down the gauntlet that the Old Guard in the WWF has kept the kids down long enough. Nick Dinsmore, the crotchety minor leaguer, takes issue, as he talks about living in Louisville on ramen noodles and free hand jobs from the fat girls. The bottom card workers all take sides, Alabama Bob and Ulysses Morley notably coming in on the side of the Old Guard. Spike Dudley and Kidman brawling at the Battle Royale – and then, on the RAW before Survivor Series – both sides being wiped out by Edge, who returned after a year+ absence at XX as part of the reunited babyface Clique, and then defeated HHH at Summer Slam, he spears a half dozen guys clean out of their boots, “There is no Old Guard…there is no New Guard…there is only the Clique…”
We turn to the uppercard – and see Christian, being thrown off the Cell at XX by Jericho and Trish – then dragging himself back to the ring in the Clique reunification – Christian, returning then at the Battle Royale, eliminating the Freaky Monster Leviathan and finishing second, almost getting the shot at the Undisputed World Title. We see Christian attacked by Leviathan – and then the summer of he, Edge, and London feuding with Flair and Leviathan.
Shots of the 3 sets of Unified Tag team straps – Haas and Benjamin taking them at the Rumble from Michaels and Helmsley…Flair and Leviathan taking them at XX from Team Angle…then the mismatched team of Rey and RVD winning at Summer Slam. We see Rey and Van Dam brawling on the outside of the Battle Royale with all four members of Team Angle (Kurt, Regal, Haas, Benjamin) and Angle on RAW, Angle slamming Van Dam on top of his partner – taking their straps and holding them high in the air…
And now the words Double Main Event on the screen – we see a shot from the NWA in 1997 of a tag match: Benoit and Jericho v. Eddy and Chavo. We see Benoit, Jericho, and Eddy each hold up NWA Championship belts – Jericho pins Sean Waltman to win the IC Title in his first ever WWF match. Guerrero pins Jericho to win the IC title in his first WWF match. Benoit pins Cactus Jack to win the WWF Title in his first ever WWF match. We see Jericho defeat Guerrero to regain the title – Benoit and Guerrero unmasking at Summer Slam 2002 after taking the tag titles from Jericho and Storm – we see Chavo debut with Helms as the original SpreeKillers, Chavo turns on Helms to join Eddy and Benoit with the Four Horsemen, we then see Benoit turn face on Eddy, leaving the Horsemen…we see Jericho, brutally attacking Lance and entering his DarkJericho period…we see Chavo, turning on Eddy after he had followed Benoit’s lead in leaving the Horsemen.
Eddy defeats Benoit at XIX, defeats Benoit in the big 64 man tournament, then wins the Undisputed Title at last year’s Summer Slam by beating Brock for the vacant belt. Eddy keeps his belt at last year’s Survivor Series, pinning Brock again in the 4 way – and he’s confronted postmatch by the Worldwide Champ Chavo, who took those titles earlier that evening by beating Tajiri.
We see Benoit beat Angle at XX to regain the Undisputed championship. We see Eddy beat his nephew Chavo at XX to regain the Worldwide championship – Eddy and Benoit putting all their past bad blood beside them and embracing, both men weeping openly in Madison Square Garden as they hold their 6 title belts aloft.
We see the transformed Jericho – now the Lizard King Chris Jericho - with leather pants, whiskey bottle, and dyed black hair – a painfully thin, strung out Trish hanging all over him – we see Jericho defeat Eddy at Summer Slam, taking the Worldwide Titles and staggering up the aisle.
Cut to the Battle Royale – Eddy is near elimination from the Horsemen, when Chavo attacks Leviathan, sacrificing himself so Eddy could survive – and eventually win.
Clips of Benoit and Guerrero, in the ring again, reluctantly going nose to nose, shaking hands and promising a clean match – we see Jericho and Chavo, each egging on his respective side – we see a tag match that starts off as Eddy/Benoit v. Jericho/Chavo break down as they seem to switch partners in mid-match – finally – a celebration of the Hart Family – with as many Harts as we can get – is crashed just as they are called the “First Family of Professional Wrestling” crashed by as many members of the Guerrero Family as we can get – the full families, old men, little girls, whomever we have – in a full scale brawl as RAW ends.
(Dark: London d. Regal d. Tajiri)
Your announce team - JR/Taz/Paul E.
1. Orton/Cena d. Bradshaw/Conway
-Orton and Cena’s run as opening show babyfaces continues, this time they go through the Neo Cons. You can see the talent pendulum has swung back to a time when we had to put the Ultimate Warrior on PPV – the sad part is the WWF has access to virtually every piece of talent in the world in 2004. And I have to push John Cena. With his giant clock around his neck. The push isn’t ending in the foreseeable future. I’m gonna have Bradshaw start bringing what look like American flags to the ring – but with big Republican Heads on them. First – Karl Rove. Bradshaw helps keep Orton/Cena as babyfaces - as he constantly looks to get them to enlist, to go to Iraq, Iran - any of those A-rab countries. They refuse, they want to hang out, smoke, play XBox. We see GHBs frustration as he clotheslines Conway after the match. He hates losing to those punk kids. Hates it.
2. Undertaker d. PAUL
-This feud will not end! ‘Taker goes over, chokeslam, and if physically possible, tombstone – and he gets the fall, but, if possible, PAUL does the zombie sit up during the dead man’s postmatch celebration – clubs the ‘Taker down, drags him to the apron, and chokeslams him from the apron to the floor! PAUL is Taue!! Paul is Taue!! Monster chokeslam! Has PAUL killed the Dead Man! “This is far from over” JR says. Fans of the workrate take that as a threat.
3. Helms (w/Rhyno) d. Booker (w/Jordan)
Hey – a good match! We’re gonna screwjob it, ref’s distracted, Rhyno runs in for the Gore, Helms gets the fall – the Spree Killers go to work on Book – young Jordan saves Book, Tajiri and Yang hit the ring – the three teams continue to brawl up the aisle.
4. Edge d. Kidman d. Spike
This wraps up both Billy and Spike, I wanted to get them a PPV payday before they get fired. I'm good like that. Edge spears them both, pinning each simultaneously – one hand on each guy, tongue sticking out, in as cocky a way as he can do – he goes over strong, makes the sign of the Clique. Edge then doesn’t go to the back – but instead stays out, ideally leading the crowd in chanting for the introduction of Christian – as one match will lead right into the next.
5. Christian (w/Edge and London) No Contest Leviathan (w/Flair)
Christian’s still getting the Clique push – Leviathan just lost the tag straps, but obviously has been protected as a monster. We have to screwjob this, outside interference from everyone causes the official to toss the match out – Leviathan boils over postmatch – he press slams both Edge and London – and he and Flair go to work on Christian – Flair’s got him in the figure four while Leviathan puts the boots to him…
…save by Michaels.
Michaels returns for the first time since Mania, arm now healed from the sledgehammer attack by HHH – Michaels with the face save, London and Edge recover to run the Horsemen from the ring – the Clique is together again, each man hitting a buckle and making the dreaded handsign. Too Sweeeeet!
Okay, I haven’t ever had anyone say Too Sweet. I’m not starting in 2004.
6. Unified Tags: Angle/Benjamin (w/Regal and Haas) d. RVD/Rey
S Money joins Bret, Davey Boy, Shawn as 3 time tag champs, all with two different partners. Angle gets the fall on Van Dam – Team Angle then stomps out the faces, with Regal putting the Regal stretch on Van Dam to the point where he passes out and has to be carried from the ring. Taz and Paul E yell at each other on the announce - Taz wanting to know if Heyman is involved in this at all - Heyman denying it the entire way - until Angle comes over and he and Paul shake hands. Van Dam’s knee is blown out – he’s out for a year. Team Angle now hits all four buckles – and mocks the Clique handsign in some type of appropriate way. I’m thinking we’re gonna be doing 8 man tags all the way to XXI. I’m thinking each side will mock the other – Angle will do the Michaels imitation he actually did before their actual match – and it’s gonna be a full on 8 man war for the next 6 months. Clique v. Team Angle is an underlying thing all the way to Mania.
7. Worldwide: Jericho (w/Trish) d. Chavo
The Harts win the first half of the big Survivor Series program – Jericho and Chavo have a heel/heel match – nothing but cheating – they each take a buckle pad off, they each do a spot where they use Trish as a shield – neither one of them caring that she’s in the way. They each go low, they each use chairs – you get the psychology.
It’s Jericho though – Chavo taps to the Liontamer. Trish and Jericho slap each other, tongue kiss – drink from the whiskey bottle – dry hump in the middle of the ring – then Trish passes out drunk, Jericho starts to carry her – drops her - then leaves her and exits. “I am the Lizard King! Worship Me, Baby!”
8. Undisputed Titles: Benoit time limit draw Guerrero
For the first time, it’s Chris Benoit and Eddy Guerrero, the two best North American wrestlers of all time (I said it, I feel better for having said it. I know you're saying Flair, you're wrong.) for the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship of the World.
Just a clean, hard wrestling match - I don't know if the time limit is 30 minutes or 60 minutes, I tend to prefer 30 minute to 60 minute matches. But we're going draw, I kinda like draws, to tell you the truth.
The two do a nose to nose after – we wait for the mutual respect handshake – Benoit offers his hand….Guerrero pauses…..Benoit puts his hand down and starts jawing at Guerrero…Guerrero takjes a step back, considers, then offers his hand – Benoit waves him away – and the two men go nose to nose again as the show ends. Hopefully, the volume of Hart/Guerrero stuff that's filled the fall gets us to this spot.
Royal Rumble 2005 is coming from Fresno.
At the bottom, we have the tags, we add Orton and Cena into the mix with the SpreeKillers, Booker/Jordan and Tajiri/Yang. Everyone but the latter team is going to the Rumble (which is too bad, I’m ready with a good Tajiri gimmick upgrade) Orton/Cena and Booker/Jordan are going to wrestle the opening tag – in fact, we’ll make it sloppier by adding Bradshaw and Conway – but Conway’s unit gets called up, so Bradshaw teaches him how to fake an injury the NeoCon way to get out of serving – but that means he can’t work the Rumble – no one much wants to be Bradshaw’s partner – but it’s then announced that the winning team gets to go to XXI and get a tag title shot.
So, there’s a big low card battle royal – the last two men being Bob and Morley – bottom card tag partners – Bob tosses Morley and will join the NeoCon in the opener.
PAUL v. Undertaker continues – this time it’s a casket match.
During an early Team Angle v. Clique 8 man – Little Rey hits the ring, returning for the first time since Survivor Series – and looking to avenge the beating put on he and especially Van Dam by Team Angle – he attacked – in his whirlybird frenzy – he inadvertently caught London with a chairshot. And so we go for the workrate, with “Please Don’t Die” Paul London the young Daredevil, against Mysterio. London gets the winter to wrestle any junior he can get his hands on - really upping the level of daredevil spots - they do some music videos that spotlight London's crazy, reckless style. It's Rey - an all time great junior, arguably the greatest junior who ever lived (I know you're saying Liger...I prefer Rey) against the new blood, Paul London. It's all workrate - is London ready for this kinda challenge?
2 Horsemen Singles.
Christian cuts a “Chris Jericho threw me off a Cell at XX and the Christian Coalition wants me to get revenge – and I will – but first, there’s a guy I’ve wanted to wrestle since I was just a baby Christian, and that’s the by-God, kiss stealing, wheeling dealing, jet flying limousine riding son of a gun – the Nature Boy, Wooooo@!”
Recall, Flair had Christian in the figure four at the Survivor Series, so we continue the Christian/Horsemen program. They had great chemistry in their tiny TV program before they buried Christian (and since I’m writing this in 2005 to be read in future years) leading to Christian’s quitting and becoming the most popular wrestler in TNA, helping to put that company on the map. Good work, Vince. Solid.
And the other Horsemen, big Leviathan, will also work – he absolutely destroys Chavo on RAW. Just tears him apart. I'm thinking it's in the parking lot and he throws him, through a windshield. He breaks Chavo in pieces. “Nobody turns on the Horsemen, Chavo. Nobody.” And Eddy, who had previously turned on the Horsemen, swears revenge. I had this planned before their actual program, which didn’t admittedly produce a particularly good match – nonetheless – it’s Batista, big Leviathan – against Eddy at the Rumble. Eddy, with a little edge, not a heelish edge, just a little old school Eddy edge as a result of the Benoit program and the result of Survivor Series, now is in a blood feud with Leviathan.
Team Angle defends against the SpreeKillers – Kurt cockily says he loves being tag champs – all of the gold and none of the pressure. What a great life for Team Angle – he says they’d put up the belts anywhere at any time – which leads to Michaels and Edge coming down the aisle – Angle says, “you gotta let me finish – anywhere, anytime, against the SpreeKillers, who are a heck of a good young team and fine body artists to boot. Regal went to get some ink done the other day – got a tattoo of Princess Diana right over the crack of his ass.” Angle likes to have his fun. Announce talks about Angle the way they talk about Hunter in the real world, putting over his intelligence - because when Angle's calm Vic Mackey, he's funny, crafty, always working the angles to keep Team Angle in line and on top. When he's manic Vic Mackey - he's a roided up monster. Kurt can play them both. He's good like that. We get SpreeKillers against everyone but Angle during the winter, they can wrestle Regal/S Money/Haas in combinations - but Angle stays in the streetclothes, keeping out of harm's way, popping up to screw the SpreeKillers - either to cost them wins or to beat them up after matches. Helms and Rhyno boil with fury at the diabolical Angle.
So, Edge and Michaels aren’t working the tag match, wonder what they’ll be doing?
Michaels cuts a promo, “funny how everyone got worked up over whether the Harts or the Guerreros were the first family of North American wrestling – if you’ve been watching the WWF the last 15 years, you know the blood that runs through the veins of this company is pumped by the Clique. Whether you’re talking Razor and Diesel, Billy and the Road Dogg, Tammy or…even Triple H….they are all my family…
Trish enters, drunk – probably worse – I don’t know if I can literally give her track marks, but I’d push that envelope as far as I could. Trish loves her some smack!
Michaels didn’t mention her – she’s hurt. She put the Clique back together after Michaels quit with his broken, crippled back. Is she out of the family just because she found a real man?
Jericho enters, leather pants, open shirt – I wouldn’t mind if he put on a little gut, let the beard grow free. Yeah, baby. A real man dripping with gold. Bloated, drunk, he's got the whiskey bottle, he and Trish groping each other, then groping other people - we see them both in alleys with other wrestlers, announcers, fans - then they fight about it, wild, screaming, bloody fights where they claw each other's eyes out - then they make up, crazy sex sessions. They're totally unhinged. Lizard King Chris Jericho.
Jericho’s attacked here by Edge – Edge enters, yelling at him to get his Hart ass up and fight – he threw his brother off a cage and now he’s gonna fight – Michaels and Edge lay Jericho out. Next week – tag match, Edge and Michaels against Jericho and anyone he can get to watch his back. Limited number, ‘cause he’s debauched Lizard King Jericho.
It’s Benoit of course – ‘cause it’s a Clique/Harts thing – the engine that drives the WWF. And even though Benoit’s disgusted by what’s become of the Lionheart – he feels sorry for him, maybe a little remorseful that he wasn’t there when Jericho needed him (cause this isn’t just some heel turn, this is real manifested pain, this is a long, slow transformation by Jericho. Stacy and Lance betrayed the babyface Jericho, he let the pain overtake him, found the longtime heel Trish and has morphed into the Lizard King – it’s a good character arc, it took years to get here, and he's clearly running out of time) since Benoit has become the patriarch now (and Jericho always wanted heel Benoit to join him in a babyface Hart Foundation – recall it was face Jericho who began Benoit’s face turn – look to your heritage, this is your home now, all that stuff) Benoit, not only Champion, not only clearly recognizing his historic place, but now he's positioned given the Hart/Guerrero stuff as the member of the Harts - he's Bret now - it’s his job to take care of Jericho as it was Bret’s to take care of Owen.
Jericho knows this, plays off this, which is how he pushed Benoit and Eddy apart – and how he gets Benoit here – that and it’s Clique/Harts.
So, we’re gonna do Jericho/Edge underneath for the Worldwide Titles– and Benoit/Michaels, in their first ever PPV meeting, for the strap – it’s the first Harts/Clique WWF title match since Owen beat Michaels back almost 7 years ago at WM XIV – Michaels last match before retiring. 7 years ago? Crazy. One can imagine all the taped mileage they get out of the great Harts/Clique feuds (sounds like an easy tie in for a triple DVD...I'm also seeing a new t-shirt roll out...merchandise, daddy)
We’ve got the 2 Harts/Clique matches up top, Benoit v. Michaels and Jericho v. Edge – Team Angle defends against the SpreeKillers for the tags– the 2 Horsemen singles, Eddy/Leviathan and Christian/Flair – plus the matches at the bottom, the hot workrate juniors match – Rey v. London – the Casket Match, Paul v. Taker – and the 3 way tag for the shot at XXI, Orton/Cena meet Bradshaw/Holly meet Booker/Jordan!
It’s Royal Rumble 2005! Call your yadda, yadda!