Royal Rumble 2000

The 90s ended here.

Royal Rumble 2000 MSG
(Dark – Taka d. Aguila)

JR/Lawler are joined at the top of the show – by the Rock. Rock’s not getting the same type of in-ring push in the Counterfactual – but he’s gonna get stick time. He's our guest commentator for the first third of the broadcast.

1. Winners go to Mania: Hardys (w/Lita) d. Outlaws
Hardys show some edge, the hair growing out, the clothes a little more ragged, their personality coming through a little more, Lita, as Matt's crazy girlfriend, drawing the edge out of the Hardys, moving toward their daredevil personality (and, really, Jeff’s drug use would make it hard for him to play clean cut anymore, he’s not that good an actor) – they both bump like freaks – after the match, they get a ladder, do a big ladder lay out spot. Hardys go over big – and they will get the title shot at Mania. Rock, as a 2 time tag champ, puts the Hardys over.

2. Kurt Angle d. British Bulldog
Quick match, they play it up as important, Rock has to put Angle over – there's a Davey Boy clip package before the match – as this will be in for the Bulldog, his goodbye to the company – Angle wins cleanly and decisively with the ankle lock. Davey Boy taps – they shake hands after the match. Jericho comes out to ringside to help DBS to the back, the two men take a moment to stand on the ramp, Jericho leading the ovation for the Bulldog. Announce talks about how Angle will be taking the rare, rare step to wrestle twice tonight. Kurt Angle!

3. No DQ: Edge (w/Christian and Trish) d. Morley
Everyone bleeds here; Morley's gotta shake off any thought that he's too nice given his pure babyface gimmick, so he's the first one to swing a chair - say, taking it from Trish, teasing hitting her, then planting Christian. But he's only one guy, and falls victim to the numbers. Edge, Christian, and Trish do what is now their signature postmatch beating, the Triple Con-Chair-To spot. The beating is interrupted by the Hardys. Matt and Jeff bring the ladders back down to the ring– wipe out both E and C with swinging ladder spots – then bump atop E and C to get the crowd chanting for them. The Hardys get some revenge!! Lita and Trish brawl – and the people enjoy that kinda thing.

Rock leaves the announce - and is replaced by former WWF Champion Bob Backlund. Backlund enjoys the antics of Crazy Al - and wants to make sure the Snowman gets his sandwich from DLo.

4. Al (w/Head) d. Rock d. DLo
Al wins on the double countout (Boo) when Rock and DLo finally totally break down and they brawl on the outside. Al sort of shrugs his shoulders, does his moonsault. Does it again. Does it a third time – just ‘cause he’s a goofy motherfucker. We see Rock and DLo continuing to fight in the back, the full back thing, with the toppled vending machines and into the men's room and the whole nine – the Nation has Exploded!

5. Angle d. Waltman
Angle’s unbeaten streak continues – he gets the clean submission win over Waltman. Angle taps out Davey and Waltman in the same night – the MSG fans should recognize they are seeing something special – the An-gle chants ring out as Angle stands on the mid buckle after the match. Backlund's gotta put Angle over.

6. Tags: Dudleys (w/Stevie) d. Hollys
Dudleys are gonna get the face pop in their MSG debuts, there's no way to avoid it, so they don't tone down the garbage stuff - and after destroying the Hollys - Stevie takes the mic and says there's a former champion in the house - a World Champ, a 2 time tag Champ - Mr. Bob Backlund - and he's always been admired in Dudleyville - and they'd like him to come into the ring and join Stevie's Hardcore Family.

JR and Jerry try to disuade him - but to no avail.

Backlund goes to the ring - and eats the 3D.

The Duds then stack up double tables putting Alabama Bob underneath, Backlund on the first table - and Crash on the top ....

and then they set the tables on fire.

Big fire pop. E-C-W. E-C-W. E-C-W.

Stevie's gotten ladders, and the Dudleys climb, getting ready to crazily splash through the fire tables – when the Hardys sprint in – the Hardys knock the ladders over, pulling Backlund/Hollys from the tables, – this draws Edge and Christian, bringing in their chairs, looking for revenge from earlier in the night – and all six men brawl around the flaming table, Trish, Lita, and Stevie (poor Stevie, still fighting the girls) brawl on the outside.

Someone has to take the fire bump before they have to put it out – someone has to take a ladder bump into the fire, probably two guys, say, Christian and Jeff take a ladder bump through the flaming tables. Something to draw the holy shit chant from the people.

7. IC: Cage: Y2J d. HHH
Jericho gets the pinfall in the cage, everyone bleeds, there’s no one to help Hunter given what’s happened to the Clique thusfar. HHH brings the sledgehammer for a couple of spots, Jericho has to take a good beating, but Jericho continues to get way over, one show after getting Waltman to tap – HHH submits to the Lion Tamer – a bloody Jericho has come to MSG, where his dad played for the Rangers, and kept his IC title.

8. WWF Title: Cactus Jack d. Taz
I love the atmosphere for this, the two New Yorkers, a title v. title feel, Taz having beaten Foley in ’94, Foley superfamous now with the book, getting close to winding up his career – Taz just getting started in the WWF – Madison Freaking Square Garden.

Foley goes over – they give Taz as much rub as they can, portray him not only as good as Foley, but it’s kinda like Taz said, he just seems younger, hungrier, he suplexes Foley all over the ring. How can Cactus Jack hold on to his title??

But he does, he gets an exhausted pinfall – Taz locks on the Tazmission, but Foley pushes off against the buckles, and, with the hold still locked on, Taz’s shoulders wind up on the mat.

Taz is furious after the match – postmatch beatdown of Cactus Jack throws a couple of nasty suplexes---

..save by Angle.

‘Cause it’s his night, Chico. Angle comes in and suplexes Taz all over the building, then gets the Angle Slam on Taz – the fans once again chant his name as the show ends.

We’ve got an NWA show..Hall gets a win, Bigelow beats Sid, we meet Sugar Shane Helms, who goes over his boy Shannon Moore. Your new tag team champions…the extraordinarily unlikely combo of Terry Funk and Hulk Hogan.

Seriously. In 2000. Who booked that crap? Oh.

Billy Kidman is your new US champ – and Jarrett drops the NWA Title to…Woooo….Ric Flair.

Superbrawl – 2000 San Francisco
NWA Title: Ric Flair d. Jeff Jarrett
US Title: Billy Kidman d. Vampyro
Tags: Funk/Hogan d. Luger/Smiley
Shane Helms d. Shannon Moore

Bam Bam Bigelow d. Sid
Scott Hall d. The Wall
Devon Storm d. Lash LeRoux
Big Vito/Johnny the Bull d. Tank Abbott/Brian Knobbs


Wrestlemania XVI is coming from Anaheim.

Rock's SNL is also coming - so anytime he's not in the ring - he's on the announce - he gets the Up Close and Personal Treatment - he gets as much nonring push as possible.

Oh - there’s a big twist a comin’.

First…the tags. With Waltman and HHH coming off multiple losses (Hunter lost to Foley, then to Jericho – Waltman to Jericho, then to Angle) they’ve got to work the opening tag against the Hollys. This irritates the boys, as the other half of the Clique is wrestling for the straps. We get one tension promo – with all five Clique in the ring – HHH and Waltman saying they should be in the main – E and C saying hell, no – Trish smoothing things over, telling Waltman and Hunter that they will crush the Hollys and E and C will win the tag straps – and then the Cique will own the tag ranks. And who knows – maybe down the road, it will be Clique v. Clique for the tag titles. We do what’s best for the team, Trish says.

Everyone agrees. Handsigns.

The tag title is a tables, ladders, and chairs match. TLC, daddy. Only difference is this expands the act. Dudleys come in strapped up, Stevie in their corner – saying they will take Wrestlemania XVI to the Extreme. E and C have Trish in their corner – they still haven’t won the tag titles, which everyone will remind them, and they say a ladder match at Wrestlemania belongs to the Clique, that no one can out-extreme E and C on the big stage – and they are dripping with awesomeness – the Hardys now have Lita in their corner, they got some revenge at the Rumble – they say the Dudleys say they’re hardcore because they hurt people – and E and C says they’re hardcore because they…well, because they’ve been in gay porn, maybe – but the Hardy Boys are the ultimate daredevils – the kings of hardcore – no one has ever taken the kind of risks or endured the sort of punishment that the Hardys have – and at Wrestlemania XVI, with the chance to get their tag titles back, they are ready to go where no man has ever gone before.

Those are your tags.

Two obvious singles matches coming off the Rumble. Rock v. DLo. Angle v. Taz.

Rock and DLo, together now 3 1/2 years, the last surviving members of the Nation of Domination, the two time tag champs – they’re done. They've turned DLo full on cocky heel – the Rock is your full on cocky face – and they cut full on cocky promos on each other as the Nation Explodes. This was the stretch when Rock hosted SNL just before Mania - I don't know if, absent the world titles, Rock has been pushed enough to get that kind of mainstream exposure, that's why I've tried to minimize that with the announce work (maybe he'd just do Mad TV?) regardless - if he got the gig, DLo would be involved somehow, further selling that match.

Taz doesn’t fuck around – which is his gimmick, actually. He storms to the ring, demands Angle’s ass. Says that Angle stuck his nose where it didn’t belong, disprespected him in MSG, disrespected him in his house – that Taz doesn’t care about your amateur background, about your broken neck, about your gold medals – your neck’s weak Kurt? Wait until I slap on my Tazmission. Wait until you beg me, you beg me to let go – I’m gonna break your neck, gold medal boy – I’m gonna snap your neck in two.

Angle comes right out, gets right in Taz’s face (Taz is there with the entire Stevie Family) Angle says he was impressed with Taz at the Rumble – and when Taz says he should have beat Cactus (they play up how Taz was very close to winning the title multiple times, selling him as being as good as he says) but he won’t beat Angle. At Wrestlemania XVI, Kurt Angle will do something that no other man has ever been able to do…

...get Taz to tap out.

Taz says you’d need a shotgun to get me to submit. I don’t submit. I’d rather die, rather my family died, my wife, my kids, I’d rather see all of them die before tapping out to any man – who the hell do you think you are to tell me you’re gonna tap me out? Who? Who? Who?

"I’m Kurt Angle." See how that works?

4 more matches – here’s where the big angle comes in.

For the first month after the Rumble (and, really, as long as they can hold off given the needs to sell the show) the singles title matches for XVI are pushed thusly:

WWF Title: Cactus Jack v. Undertaker
IC Title: Y2J v. Al Snow v. Taka Michinoku

Both make sense, the Taker’s the Legend – Wrestlemania belongs to him, he's unbeaten and with 4 Legend's Wins, he's tied with Andre and Hogan – what’s left is to main event Mania and win his first ever WWF Title. He's been gone since, what Summer Slam, after losing to PAUL~ so he comes back the night after the Rumble and beats PAUL~ in the rematch.

Al never got a rematch after losing his belt – he beat Rock/DLo at the Rumble – and Taka is one of the best wokers in the company, the core base would be dying to see him finally get a title shot.

Both make sense. Neither is going to happen.

They're doing a tag one night in a main event. Say, Foley and Al (‘cause, again, they’re friends, and the book, and the whole thing) against Taka and Jericho.

It’s a good match, it’s a fun match We’re having a good time. Everything’s fun. Happy - we're headed to Wrestlemania, everyone!

Lights go out.

Huh. Wonder what...

Lights come on – and in the ring is Perry Saturn. GOOD GOD, LOOK WHO THAT IS, IT’S PERRY SATURN.

Saturn was a 2 time US Champ in the NWA – a tag champ in both NWA and ECW. So, Perry Saturn matters in this world. And Saturn attacks Al. Saturn’s all over Al Snow, suplexing him across the ring.

The other guys are stunned, it takes them a moment to figure out what’s going on – and when they finally make a move to help Al – the lights go out again.

Lights on.

In the ring – Dean Malenko. GOOD GOD, LOOK WHO THAT IS, IT’S DEAN MALENKO!!

Which, in this world, is an even bigger deal. Malenko was the NWA Champ, and a 2 time US Champ. And he’s Dean Malenko, which means the Counterfactual WWF fanbase recognizes he’s one of the greatest wrestlers in the world. He goes right after Taka – Malenko with leg lariats that bring Taka down – Malenko then putting Taka in the Texas cloverleaf. Taka taps and taps. Saturn has Al in the rings of Saturn – Al now taps and Taps….Foley and Jericho are totally flummoxed – and the crowd is now really, superhot when the lights go out again.

Lights on.

Eddy Guerrero. GOOD GOD, GOOD GOD – WE ARE UNDER ATTACK

That kinda thing.

Okay, Eddy's arm's still in the sling - if you recall, he dislocated his elbow his second night in the WWF - but in the Counterfactual universe, they're entering later - so the arm's alreadyhurt coming in. Eddy does as much of this as he can, given how close to Mania it's feasible to run this angle

Eddy’s a former NWA Champion – a former US Champion – he won the NWA Title from Jericho – and he’s Eddy Freaking Guerrero – and he goes right after Jericho, a leg lariat, a swinging DDT – and a frog splash to lay the IC Champ out. Al’s in the Rings – Taka’s in the cloverleaf – Eddy’s atop Jericho ---- Foley’s in the middle of the ring --- crowd's going bonkers --

Lights off.

An extra beat. Maybe two. You know, for the buildup.

Lights on.

Chris Benoit.

As maybe you can guess, I'm kinda a Benoit fan. I'm a grown man, with a home and a job, and I just bought a Benoit t-shirt over the holidays.

In this world, Benoit is a 3 time NWA Champ, and acknowledged as maybe the greatest wrestler in the world.

In point of comparison, in this universe Harley’s got 7 NWA titles (all before the Counterfactual, but still, they exist) Flair’s got 5 now since beating Jarrett like a week before this angle that we’re doing right now. Then – Benoit with 3. No one else has more than 2. And in the WWF, Bret and Owen have 3, but no one else has more than 2.

So, when 3 time NWA Champ Chris Benoit is in the ring – it’s like Bret or Owen showing up one night in the NWA. Which, of course, Bret did.

Fans scream – Benoit attacks Foley – Benoit and Foley brawl, brawl, brawl, brawl, Benoit gets Foley in the Crossface – Foley taps as RAW ends.

The next week they shut RAW down, we meet the four guys, all four are intense – Perry’s intense and half crazy, Dean’s intense and calm, Eddy’s intense and devious, Benoit’s intense and vicious.

It’s an invasion.

We run highlight packages to introduce the guys to any WWF fans who don’t know who they are. They cut promos. They each get singles wins.

Say, Perry beats Kane and Dean beats Aguila and Eddie beats Morley and Benoit then beats the Undertaker to take away his title shot.

Undertaker is pissed at having to wrestle, pissed at losing his shot, generally pissed – and we see him pack his bags and leave the locker room postmatch.

They let the guys who they punked out on the first night (all faces, note) get enough heat back before Mania to make it work – and they make those four matches for Mania: Cactus/Benoit, Jericho/Eddy, Dean/Taka, Perry/Al.

They'll call them the Alliance, not the most exciting name, and brings back unpleasant real world memories of the brutally booked invasion angle, but it’s a play off of National Wrestling Alliance, of course – as what we're selling is the invasion.

We’ve now got Team Stevie, which is basically ECW.

And we’ve got the Alliance, which is the NWA.

The last TV segment before the PPV is the Alliance in the ring, Benoit cutting a promo. Benoit, seething his way through a promo, which is the best type of Benoit promo. This is not a cocky group – this is an intense group.

Benoit is always seething, never happy - there is never a Benoit jokey moment, no hearty Benoit laugh, he is always spitting everything out. He’s ferocious 24/7.

One notes that there is no pink and black, not even a shoelace, anywhere on his body. Every Hart since Dynamite: Bret, DBS, Owen, Anvil, Jericho, has, at least a little bit of pink and black (like a uniform, or gang colors if you will, sometimes it's hard to see - but it's for continuity)

“Take a look…I SAID TAKE A LOOK….Remember this, remember this moment right now, remember the moment when the WWF died.

In this ring are the four greatest wrestlers in the world today…Saturn…Malenko…Guerrero…Benoit…. And whatever we want…whatever we want….We Take.

(I know, Perry isn't really one of the greatest wrestlers in the world today - it's hyperbole)

We did not come here asking for contracts….we took contracts.

We did not come here asking for title shots….we took title shots.

We did not come here asking for belts….we will take belts.

Saturn. Malenko. Guerrero. Benoit. Saturn. Malenko. Guerrero. Benoit. Saturn. Malenko. Gurerrero. Benoit.

Four World Champions. The greatest four wrestlers in the world today. We have won world championships in Mexico…in Canada,,,in Japan..in ECW…in the NWA…

Everywhere we go – we take everything we want.

TAKE A LOOK. Sunday Night – at Wrestlemania XVI – The WWF that you know, the WWF that you love, that WWF will be dead forever.

And we’re going to kill it. DEATH TO THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION….LONG LIVE….THE ALLIANCE!!!”

Top to bottom – XVI is one of the great shows in wrestling history:

WWF Title: Cactus Jack v. Chris Benoit
-The triple crown winner Cactus vs. the 3 time NWA Champ Benoit


IC title: Chris Jericho v. Eddy Guerrero
-two former NWA rivals, former NWA champs who feuded over that belt battle it out


Tags: Dudleys v. E and C v. Hardys
-A sure thing – a TLC crazy collision match - blood and broken things.


Dean (a former NWA World Champ) v. Taka (an international superstar),
Taz (a former ECW world champ) v. Angle (still undefeated and getting the monster push),
Rock v. DLo (the two time former tag champs explode)
and Perry (former US Champ) v. Al (fomer IC Champ) –
throw in HHH/Waltman v. the Hollys as the opener – and top to bottom, bottom to top – Wrestlemania XVI might be the greatest professional wrestling show of all time.

I’d pay a hundred bucks to watch it on TV. It's Wrestlemania XVI. Call your cable company. Do it right now.

Survivor Series - 1999

Summer Slam is here.

Survivor Series – 1999 Detroit(Dark – Taka Michinoku d. Aguila)

JR and Lawler are joined at the announce by...Skip McMahon.

1. Fightin’ Hollys d. New Age Outlaws
Crash asks why Billy and the Dogg point to their male parts. He says Lou Thesz never said suck it. Strangler Lewis never whipped it out. Well, actually, funny story, we were on a train to El Paso…

Hollys win clean. Outlaws time is up.

2. Edge (w/Trish) d. The Abolitionist
Morley hits the Liberation Falls, but Trish puts Edge’s foot on the ropes, Christian enters, hitting the Tomikaze (which he calls the Unprettier, a terrible name, we're gonna go with the Crusader) on Morley and allowing Edge the win. Christian enters for the double team beatdown. Davey Boy (hi, Davey Boy!) enters to even it up at 2-2. Waltman enters to give the Clique the advantage again – the Y2J chants start, hopefully, and Jericho enters to even it up and knock the heels from the ring.

Officials regain control and the next match starts.

3. Davey Boy Smith d. Christian
It’s fast. Christian's gotta take one for the team. Some brawling and the powerslam – the finish kicks off another round of brawling among the men – Waltman and Jericho fight to the back while Morley and Davey Boy battle E and C until they have to be pulled apart.

4. DLo Brown d. Al Snow (w/ Head)
DLo distracts Al by slapping Head, and that freaks Al out, letting DLo get the frog splash and the fall. Postmatch, DLo taunts Al – “This is all you got? This is all you got? You ain’t no champ – you’re an Intercontinental Chump – go do your moonsault now you little bitch! Go do your moonsault now!”

Al, of course, still does his moonsault, cause that’s how he rolls. We get a Rock/DLo backstage thing where Rock attempts to congratulate DLo on the win, telling him that the Head trick was slick. DLo tells Rock that he better not let the team down, ‘cause DLo ain’t rolling with no punk ass bitches. Rock takes umbrage at this before they calm everything down.

Skip, who has been deorogatory of everyone all night long, both faces and heels, now goes to the ring, readying both the big PAUL/Angle matchup.

5. Kurt Angle d. PAUL the GIANT~ (w/Skip)
And here’s your big match – PAUL enters like a monster, frothing and stomping – Angle shows no fear – going right to him in the nose to nose – PAUL lands his big shots – big shot after shot – Angle keeps getting up, keeps getting in the Giant’s face – the Giant does all the big man stuff – bouncing off the ropes for a shoulderblock – Angle gets up – the clubbing blows – Angle gets up – Angle even calls for a top knuckle lock test of strength --

Finish comes when Angle is up for the chokeslam, but grabs the Giant on the way down, landing a DDT – then he deadlifts PAUL for the AngleSlam, which they play up as a feat of massive strength. Clean fall. 1-2-3, in just under five minutes.

Skip, shocked enters the ring and attacks Angle – and Angle easily moves him into an anklelock – Skip cries and taps and taps as the crowd cheers. Kurt Angle! Announce puts him over hard.

6. Tags: Tables Match: Dudleys (w/Stevie) d. Hardys
Dudleys too much for the Hardys – a Steviekick – a couple of 3Ds through the tables – the Hardys, again, save the match as many times as they can while taking the beating, which sells both the Hardys bumptaking and the bumps put the Dudleys over as monsters – but in the end, we roll with the new, and the Family grabs some gold. The Dudleys win a destructive, destructive match over the babyfaces. Edge and Christian, and Trish enter postmatch for a Con-Chair-To beatdown on the Hardys while Stevie and the Dudleys pose. There's a moment of awkwardness, as E and C want the Dudleys to celebrate with them, but the Dudleys yell to get the fuck away from them - Stevie intervenes, calming the Duds down, and they take their belts and go to the back.

7. IC: Chris Jericho d. Sean Waltman
Everyone who has brawled before is barred from ringside before the match even begins – Jericho goes over clean with the Liontamer, gets Waltman to submit right in the middle of the ring. Y2J steps right into the WWF and wins the IC. He’s a cocky Hart! He unites the people!

8. WWF Title: Cactus Jack d. HHH d. Rock

Okay, this is an easy story - Foley's the veteran, HHH and Rock are the upstarts - HHH and Rock have been feuding for a year as they want the same spot in the company, and with Foley's book softening him a bit, this is the time for one of them to step up.

But it doesn't happen.

Foley’s book is out, Foley’s a big star, with Austin gone, Foley is positioned alone at the top of the company – this is really the crowning moment, he beats both Rock and HHH – pinning Rock – it’s all about Cactus Jack. He goes over two of the top underneath guys, and it’s worth wondering who is left now for Cactus Jack to conquer? Bang, Bang!

We have the Rock/HHH stuff to do – and also have them double team Foley – we should definitely see the weariness in Cactus – unlike, say, when Bret was on top for so long and he reacted with defiance – we can see the mileage on Foley, and he treats it with some bemusement – a knowing smile here and there – Foley recognizes these guys are young, juiced up, athletic (HHH was a terrific worker in 2000, so he is just about to enter his best period ever) and Foley, now pretty famous, maybe doesn’t have that wellspring to do what it takes anymore.

But he’s got it here – and is able to pin the Rock. Say, Hunter had a Pedigree on Cactus earlier, and Rock broke it up, allowing Hunter to claim that he would have won if not for Rock. Rock and HHH fight in the aisle after the match – that brings out the Clique to fight with HHH and lay the Rock out on the ramp – but no DLo for the save.

Foley holds the belt high, exhaustedly, and gives a Bang, Bang as the show ends.

Foley will meet Hunter on RAW the next night, getting the pinfall. Foley beats them both in consecutive nights, after taking out Austin and before that Owen. It's a pretty significant run for the Triple Crown Holder.

The very last PPV of the 90s is from the NWA, Harlem Heat gets a win over the team of Sid and Haku. Nash goes over Goldberg. Sting beats Hennig. Dr. Death beats a returning Dustin Rhodes. Bret beats Benoit in the dream match. Your new tag champs are Luger and Norman Smiley, goofily enough, who go over Perry and Page. Vampyro is your new US Champ, beating Dean – and The Southern Man Jeff Jarrett comes back to the NWA, beats Shane Douglas and wins the NWA Title.

Starrcade – 1999 DC
NWA Title: Jeff Jarrett d. Shane Douglas
US Title: Vampyro d. Dean Malenko
Tags: Lex Luger/Norman Smiley d. Perry/Page
Bret Hart d. Chris Benoit

Steve Williams d. Dustin Rhodes
Sting d. Curt Hennig
Kevin Nash d. Goldberg
Harlem Heat d. Sid/Haku


The first show of 2000 is in ECW, Dusty Rhodes works, losing. Justin loses, Rhyno wins, Dreamer finally beats Raven. Your new ECW tag champs – Chris Chetti and Kid Kash, who beat Nova and Guido. Lance keeps the US over Super Crazy, and Masato Tanaka keeps the World Title over Mike Awesome.


Living Dangerously – 2000 Danbury
ECW Title: Masato Tanaka d. Mike Awesome
TV Title: Lance Storm d. Super Crazy
Tags: Chetti/Kash d. Nova/Guido
Dreamer d. Raven

Rhyno d. Doring
CW Anderson d. Justin
Corino d. Dusty Rhodes
Gedo/Jado d. Balls/Roadkill


Royal Rumble 2000 is coming from MSG. How better to start a new millennium?

Let’s talk tags first. They'll have the Hardys meet the Outlaws in the opening tag – winners go to XVI to meet the tag champs. They bring Lita into the act now, there’s a spot where Trish is cutting a promo on the Hardys – and she (say, sitting in the front row, wearing a Hardys t-shirt) gets called out by Trish. Some type of “ Matt – maybe there’s a rat who will take care of you – like that one right there.” Trish invites Lita into the ring – Lita wipes Trish out – and Lita joins the act as Matt’s new girlfriend. Lita, of course, has the tattoos and the crazy hair, and the Hardys act begins to change, as we can’t go clean cut forever, people will think they’re pussies. They add some color, some ripped clothing – and then actually do something productive…

The Dudleys will defend in a Tables Match against the Hollys. The Hollys get that right when they beat the Dudleys in a nontitle, when the Hardys interfere (‘cause babyfaces, you know, have to toughen up if they’re gonna get cheered at MSG). The Hardys then get out ladders (‘cause they use ladders, and E and C use chairs, and the Duds use tables, see, it's not that complicated) and, with the Hollys holding onto the Dudleys, the Hardys splatter the Dudleys through tables. Stevie and the Dudleys later cut promos saying they won’t get punked out again, won’t get punked out in New York – and they will unleash a heretofore unknown level of viciousness onto the Hollys at the Rumble.

We’re gonna get a 3 way. Al attacks DLo – not because of their feud, not because he lost at Survivor Series, not even because DLo attacked Head...but because DLo stole Al’s corned beef sandwich from the locker room. This pisses DLo off – ‘cause he wants Al to hate him because they’re having a feud. DLo tries to express this to Al – “damn boy, I called you a bitch – I kicked your ass at Survivor Series – how you feel about DLo Brown now?” “I don’t know about all of that – BUT YOU OWE A THE SNOWMAN A GODDAMN SAMMICH!” They're throwing the Rock in this – DLo continues to big time the Rock – say, the Rock tries to give him some advice, and DLo says if he wanted some advice from a guy who can’t win the WWF Title, he’d talk to Hunter. That kinda thing. Rock gives him plenty of chances, ‘cause they down, and when Al gets the best of DLo in an in-ring thing, Rock comes in for the save – that’s what gets the Rock in it with Al. But DLo doesn’t want Rock’s help, says Rock’s been living on DLo’s coattails for years – says if DLo didn’t have to carry Rocky Johnson’s kid in every tag match they were in – he’d still be a tag champ. DLo and Big Markie – still be tag champs. DLo and 2 Cold – still be tag champs. DLo and Ron Simmons, DLo and Ahmed Johnson, DLo and Manute Bol, DLo and Wilfred Freaking Brimley – still be tag champs.

But DLo and the Rock - they ain't tag champs. They ain't down. They ain't nothin'.

That’s enough for the Rock – and the love is over – they throw down.

Al just wants his sandwich. And if he has to beat that sandwich out of both of them - THE SNOWMAN'S GONNNA GET HIS MICKEY-FICKEY SAMMICH!

Al, one suggests, has a future promoting janitor pillow fights.

It’s a 3 way. Rock. Al. DLo.

Other than the title match, everything else comes out of this Hart/Clique thing. 'Cause they need to re-establish this program.

They have a tag – Jericho/Davey Boy against HHH/Waltman. Heels win when E and C run in and interfere. Full heel beatdown, face save attempt by Morley (recall, he’s feuding with the Clique) but he’s not enough – and the Clique goes over. All four men going to the ringposts – chopping their crotches like the old days.

That’s gonna set up an 8 man: Clique against Jericho, Davey Boy, Morley and a mystery partner….

Kurt Angle.

Faces go over when Angle pins Waltman.

Announce puts Angle over hard.

We’ll get Edge/Morley again at the Rumble, this time in a No DQ.

And we’ll also do HHH/Jericho. In a cage. HHH, swinging his sledgehammer, can cut the full on bitter promo on Jericho – five years, no belts for HHH, no shots, no love – meanwhile, Jericho comes in – and on his first night, he wins the IC. A Hart, no less.

It’s just wrong. We’ll have HHH attack Jericho with the sledgehammer, bloodying him up – and that level of violence will set up the cage match. This was the HHH/Foley Hell in a Cell event, so I like the cage stip here.

Here’s where Angle fits in – the next week on RAW – the other 7 guys are in the ring doing a nose to nose promo thing – comparing who has the better side, comparing if the Harts are better than the Clique --- Jericho says now that they have the Olympic gold medalist on their side – a man who beat PAUL in five minutes – there’s really not a comparison.

Enter Angle.

Angle apologizes to Jericho – says there’s been a misunderstanding. Says last week was a one shot thing, he has nothing against the Harts or against Morley, but he isn’t with them.

Waltman says hell yeah – Angle is Clique, Angle is Clique…

Angle says no – you four are a bunch of crybaby punks, and the only time he ever wants anything to do with them is when they are tapping out to his ankle lock.

So, now everyone in the ring is hot with Angle – which doesn’t bother him at all – and Jericho asks why the hell Angle came down to the ring.

Angle says because at his first ever Royal Rumble, at Madison Square Garden, his contract says he gets to meet whomever he wants (except, JR reminds us, for champions) – and what he wants is to wrestle twice.

Twice?

Twice? At the Royal Rumble?

HHH says we don’t wrestle twice on a PPV. We’ve had PPV in the WWF for 16 years, and we don’t wrestle twice (yeah, Owen did that one time, I know, and Shawn too) we got a locker room full of guys who can’t even get on PPV – and you want to wrestle twice – who the hell do you think you are??

"I’m Kurt Angle."

Buy the shirt.

Angle says at the Royal Rumble – he is going to beat a former IC Champion – that would be you, Sean Waltman. At the Royal Rumble, at Madison Square Garden, you will submit to Kurt Angle. Because I don't care about your "Clique".

And..and…at the Royal Rumble, he is going to beat a former WWF Champion…that would be you, British Bulldog. At the Royal Rumble, at Madison Square Garden, you will submit to Kurt Angle. Because I don't care about the Hart Foundation either.

"In the same night – I will beat the Clique IC Champ – and the Hart WWF Champ – and make them both tap out."

Why?

Angle gets awfully chesty here, puffed up - he believes it, you know he believes it - he's not a heel - he just thinks he's supposed to win every match.

"Because I’m Kurt Angle."

Angle leaves the ring – both sides are stunned -- the 7 remaining men brawl.

Title match is left.

Cactus cuts a retirement promo. Says he’s been on this book tour, talking about his life in wrestling. And the more he tells the stories, the more he realizes the guys he’s talking about are all gone. And when he looks around the locker room, he doesn’t see Vader, he sees PAUL, and he doesn’t see Bret, he sees Angle, and he doesn’t see Austin, he sees the Rock, and he doesn’t see Owen, he sees Jericho.

So, maybe it’s time for Cactus Jack to step aside….

Enter Stevie and the Dudleys.

Stevie says that’s a nice trip down memory lane, Cactus. The Hardcore Family enjoys hearing about all the has beens who left this place before the Dudley Boys had the chance to kick their ass. But Stevie Richards….Esquire…wants to share another memory with Cactus Jack. Before the WWF – before you were a World Champion, a Triple Crown Winner, a Best Selling Author – before any of that, you spent a year in ECW, do you remember that Cactus?

Cactus says he remembers Stevie as a punk kid wearing a Flock of Seagulls t-shirt who somehow pinned Ron Simmons one night and passed out at the party after the show. Good to see your eyebrows finally grew back, Stevie.

Stevie laughs. Says that’s hi-larious. Put that anecdote in the next book and that will be a best seller too. But that’s not really the story he wants to tell. See – when Cactus was making a list of guys he’s beaten in his career – he neglected to mention the guy he couldn’t ever beat – a guy who is a member of the Family.

Cactus says, no offense to Bubba and DVon, but they were still working the popcorn stands when he was in ECW back in 1994, and if Stevie thinks he’s ever beaten Cactus Jack, he’s tying that tie a little too tight. But if he’d like an opportunity – in fact, if any member of the “Hardcore” Family would like an opportunity – Cactus Jack might have a fight or two left in him.

Stevie says he’s not talking about himself, he’s a manager now, thank you very much. And he’s not talking about the Dudley Boys – because they are about to go to Madison Square Garden and defend the WWF tag titles – no, he’s talking about somebody else – he’s talking about the greatest World Champion in ECW history – he’s talking about the newest member of the Hardcore Family….he’s talking about….

Taz.

Yeah, daddy.

Taz attacks Foley from behind, suplexing Cactus on his head. Taz picks Foley back up, locks on the Tazmission, and chokes him out. Stevie holds and drops Cactus’s arm three times to show that he is unconscious – the Dudleys set up the tables – and the Dudleys put Cactus through the table. Stevie cackles as the Dudleys celebrate and Taz stands over Foley with his arms folded.

In the run up, they can sell this as the ECW World Champ v. the WWF World Champ, since that what, obviously, the Hardcore Family is – is an ECW offshoot. If you’ve noticed the ECW recaps, Counterfactual Taz was booked basically the way they booked him, he was ECW champ forever – really only giving it up when he was on his way out – so it’s clear that this match – in MSG, which is the perfect venue for it – is the top guy in the WWF (Bret, gone, Shawn, gone, Owen, gone, Austin, gone – Mick’s left) and the top guy in ECW (only RVD in the argument). And Taz can cut promos to that effect – Mick was a great champion, but his time is over – back in the day, Mick was one of them, a dirtbag, young and hungry – tough as nails, but now, when Taz looks in his eyes, Mick ain’t hungry no more – Mick doesn’t have that dog in him no more – he ain’t the real world’s champ just like he ain’t a real New Yorker – the real world’s champ is the man who has busted ass, his own and everyone else’s, in the bingo hall the last 6 years. Taz ain’t here to disrespect Cactus Jack – Cactus Jack is one of the greatest hardcore wrestlers of all time – Cactus Jack helped build ECW – Cactus Jack is a man who lived and died hardcore…

But the man standing across from Taz in the ring at the Royal Rumble – that won’t be Cactus Jack – that’ll be Mick Foley. Mick Foley’s a dad, Mick Foley’s an author. Mick Foley’s a celebrity. Mick Foley’s a superstar.

Mick Foley ain’t World Heavyweight Champion.

Taz is World Heavyweight Champion.

The Dudleys are going to go to the Royal Rumble and defend their belts – and then Taz is going to win the WWF Title – and the Family is walking out of New York City, walking out of Madison Square Garden, with all the gold.

Taz and Cactus – two New Yorkers, meet at MSG for the WWF Title.

Royal Rumble 2000. It’s Taz/Cactus for the big belt, Jericho/HHH in a cage for the IC as we harken back to Harts/Clique history, the Hollys/Dudleys tables match for the straps, the three way between Rock/DLo/Al, Kurt Angle wrestles twice – against both Waltman and Davey Boy – Morley takes on Edge in the No DQ, and the Hardys meet the Outlaws, winners go to Mania.

It's Royal Rumble 2000. Call…..your….local…..thing!