Triple H, October 2011:

“When I grew up, I hated Hogan. I thought he was terrible and didn’t like to watch him. I was like Punk in a way. I liked the Steamboats and Flairs and the ones that could go. Would I be right in saying that Hogan was the wrong guy to go with, and they should’ve changed directions and gone with Steamboat because he was the better wrestler? Ludicrous.” - Triple H. October, 2011.

Summer Slam 2006

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The build is here.


(Dark Matches: Punk d. Noble/London/Kendrick
Fit d. Regal)

Joey and Taz is once again, your announce.

The show opens on Punk, still in the ring after winning his dark match, hopefully people are applauding the work, If some of the hardcores were chanting “GDI” that would be terrific. A reminder for those of you who overlooked it; Punk has still never wrestled on RAW or on PPV – but now GDI Wrestling has started on Sci Fi on Tuesday nights in the real world ECW spot. (GDI stands for God Damn Independent, which we won’t say, as a nod to NOAH, the official wording will be Global Dominant Independent) It’s indie wrestling, small venues, small crowds, it looks like ROH or ECW as opposed to RAW or Smackdown. Punk, of course, has refused to wrestle on WWF TV, he doesn’t want to be a superstar – he wants to be a professional wrestler.

Punk’s applause is interrupted by the Solution, specifically HHH-M and Flair, who come to the ring.

They are dismissive of Punk; Hunter says something like he needs to go back to Tuesday nights, there are men in the ring.

Punk shrugs his shoulders, says he’ll see Trip in September.

The announce wonders what he means by that.

The Solution sets the stage for the evening.

A year ago – HHH-M came to Summer Slam and said he was about to take over the WWF; one year later, the plan will be complete. He’s going to retain his belt against that big goof “Leviathan” (Hunter makes fun of the name) and the Nature Boy Ric Flair will win his 7th World Heavyweight Championship by taking out Rey Mysterio.

And they’ll do it all on their own – without the Executioner.

HHH-M sneers a little when he says the Executioner, his irritation with Lashley’s rising star, Lashley getting credit for the Solution’s success, a little more evident.

On the cue, we cut to the back, where Lashley, who since the top of the year has been engaging in what has largely been a cold war with the only man who hasn’t shown any fear in engaging him, the Undertaker, has somehow laid the Dead Man out in what appears to be the bowels of the Fleet Center. Undertaker is knocked out, bloody, while Lashley pounds him into oblivion with a pipe. Lashley screams at the Undertaker, “get up, bitch – get up!”

The announce reacts with sufficient horror; Joey says this really opens wide the speculation regarding who will team up with PAUL~ tonight to defend the tag team titles against Booker and Conway. Kane has been eliminated, his career perhaps over, by Lashley – Lashley has now knocked the Undertaker out of action – who will join Dead Men Walking tonight to defend the tag belts? Who? Who? Who?

1. Parejas Increibles: Sabu (w/Stevie)/Cactus (w/Heyman) d. Edge/HBK

-The new Summer Slam tradition, where mismatched partners join together in the opening tag. All four men enter separately, Cactus, the Triple Crown Legend who turned heel at the Rumble enters with nefarious Heyman, who is carrying, as he has all summer, a glass light tube over his shoulder.

The lights go out after they reach the ring – and then Sabu is in the ring upon their beign turned on again. Stevie’s not blowing a whistle, but he might as well be – Sabu points in that way that he does. He and Jack, who met for the very first ECW Heavyweight Championship back in 1993, team up here.

-Michaels is next, he and Edge were in the final configuration of the Clique, with London and Christian – that blew up in ’05 when Edge lied to the crew about sleeping with Lita – an act that led to Christian’s leaving the company and the Matt/Edge program which will culminate at Hell in a Cell, the main event at WM XXIII in Detroit.

-And finally, Edge – with debut of the new series, Matt v. Edge 24/7/365 Edge is now the top heel in the company – Edge comes to the ring with his ring boys, Teddy Hart and Harry Smith – the best shot of the Edge/Matt doc thusfar is Edge surrounded by piles of cash in his kitchen, saying he doesn’t trust the banks with his money, he keeps it buried all across Edmonton.

I don’t know if this match will end the same way every year, with the partners turning on each other, but it does again here – Michaels superkicks Edge, Sabu gets the fall.

2. Randy Orton d. John Cena- Orton and Cena, as clueless babyfaces, took the tag titles from Helms and Rhyno at XXI, success went to their heads, and they were cocky heels by the time they lost to Booker and Bradshaw at Survivor Series ’05. They finally broke up when Orton turned on Cena at XXII and have been feuding all summer. Orton, in full real world mode now, goes over strong, RKO-pinfall.

Orton moves on, he wears suits, he cuts smug promos, he grabs women in the back. Cena is real world Cena, a babyface – he’ll now join a babyface tag with Ken Kennedy, doing his “I say my name many times” gimmick that I can’t for the life of me understand the appeal of, except whenever I hear the name Kennedy now, either Ted or Bobby or JFK or Supreme Court Justice Anthony or whomever – I automatically, like a fucking puppet, say “Kennedy.”

And that’s just sad.

3. Carlito Colon (w/Crazy) d. Chavo Guerrero-Carlito took over the reigns of the LWO from Juvie at the end of ’06, beginning of ’07, then ran Psychosys out this summer. The LWO feuded with Eddy upon entering in ’05, then with Rey through the Rumble. With only Crazy as a fellow member, Carlito approached Chavo this summer, telling him the LWO needed a Guerrero.

Chavo refused. But they made this match, if Chavo won, the LWO would leave the WWF, but if Carlito won – Chavo would join.

We’re biting LAX, flags, bandanas – when the referees check them for objects prior to the match – they act as if they are being frisked by police – and the referees find objects, knives – screwdrivers.

Carlito goes over – Chavo is pissed as he’s handed a bandana by Crazy with the LWO gang colors, he’s fuming, steaming – but he takes the bandana and puts it on. Chavo Guerrero has joined the Latino World Order!

4. Glass Light Tube Match: Sabu (w/Stevie) d. Cactus Jack (w/Heyman)-Cactus Jack is a Triple Crown winner in the WWF, the 12th greatest wrestler of all time – but spurred on by the manipulative Heyman, his jealousy that his peers view Sabu as the greatest garbage wrestler of all time gets us here. Sabu is scarred from a lifetime of giving his body to his sport; he is almost a mythical figure – Undertaker like; that a man could put himself through such torture breaks the barrier between work and shoot – and he is revered by a certain type of worker which we use to put Sabu over as historically significant, despite this being his WWF debut.

Joey and Taz obviously lend perspective and credibility to the contest.

Sabu goes over, pinning Cactus Jack at Summer Slam.

Heyman berates Jack postmatch – leading to Jack turning on Paul, laying him out with a glass light tube shot, busting Paul open. Cactus gets the face pop, shoots, Bang, Bang, and leaves again. To date, this is his final appearance.

And this wraps up Paul E. Sandman and Dreamer come from the back to help him from the ring.

RVD enters to celebrate with Sabu and Stevie – the three men strike some pose and the announce speculates that with Paul Heyman finally out of his life, what might be in store for Rob Van Dam and the man who appears to be his partner once again – Sabu.

5. Ladder Match: Shawn Michaels d. Edge
Matt Hardy’s contract is what’s hanging high above the ring.

This is a rematch from XXII, where Edge went clean over Michaels, in a torchpassing moment. Edge was able to secure from the Solution Matt Hardy’s WWF contract, as a result of teaming with them in the big War Games match that saw them gain full control of the WWF when Regal swerved his babyface team.

All summer, Edge has used his contract as a weapon against Matt – see the build for more details – culminating in Matt, who is not allowed to touch Edge until they meet at the main event of XXIII – hitting the Twist of Fate on ex girlfriend Lita, ending her WWF run.

Edge comes in first for this match, scowling after being laid out by the superkick from earlier in the evening – he says the fans can chant for Matt Hardy all they want.

Spurring on a chant, hopefully.

But he’s not allowed in the building tonight. If Matt Hardy comes to the arena tonight, he will be in violation of his contract and will be out of the main event at WM XXIII.

Fans boo. Announce says Matt Hardy is not here, he has not been seen in Boston, he will not be here tonight.

Pivotal moment comes when Edge is at the top of the ladder – cockily pausing for just a second to wave at the fallen Michaels before he grabs Matt’s contract.

When Matt’s music hits and Edge does the full bug eyed sell.

Place goes nuts. But Matt doesn’t come down the long, white ramp.

Place goes nuts again – as from the other side of the ring – a man in a mask and a trenchcoat hits the ring – topples the ladder, with Edge, over, Edge flies from the ring allowing Michaels to climb the ladder and retrieve the contract.

The man in the mask stands in the aisle – he begins to take the mask off – the Matt Hardy chants rising – the announce saying he’s gone – he’s gone Edge had control of Matt’s contract and made the decision to bar Matt from the event – Michaels has Matt’s contract now – but it’s Matt Hardy under that mask – and he is out of the main event at XXIII – he is out of the WWF!

He unmasks.

Jeff Hardy.

Edge is shocked, holding his head in amazement – Jeff Hardy has returned, coincidentally, at the place he left – in the very last TLC match, TLC IV, at Rumble ’03 – in Boston – both Jeff and Edge were stretchered from the building. Edge was gone until Mania the following year – Jeff has been gone 3 ½ years – 3 ½ years later – Jeff Hardy returns to the WWF – and costs Edge Matt Hardy’s contract!

6. Unified Tag Championships: DMW: PAUL~/Hulk Hogan d. Booker T/Rob Conway

DMW consists of PAUL (Big Show) Kane and the Undertaker. It is PAUL and Kane who are the official tag champs, they went over Booker and Bradshaw at XXII. Bradshaw is now retired; he and Book were beaten into submission by Strong Style over the summer (Haas and Benjamin, with Arn, in their new shooter gimmick) Strong Style busted up the former champs, as well as MNM, over the summer. Book had a rematch clause and grabbed Bradshaw’s longtime water carrier, Anal Cysts (Conway) and they have this shot.

But it’s not against PAUL and Kane – Kane was wiped out just last week by Lashley, and as we saw at the top of the show, Undertaker was wiped out underneath the bowels of the arena before the show. Kane (hopefully) is now gone from the WWF and PAUL scrambled to find a partner.

And he finds Hulk Hogan.

We give Hogan one more lap around the track. Red and yellow. Real American. Fans react however they do.

Hogan gets the fall on Conway. Big boot. Legdrop. That’s it for Conway.

Book and Conway roll from the ring, remaining on the floor, however; Show exits allowing Hogan to pose as long as that type of thing is fruitful – Hogan’s posing is interrupted by…


Lashley and Hogan go nose to nose.

Lashley rips him up.

Dominator lays Hogan out.

Lashley beats his chest. Primal scream. Lashley took out Masters. Lashley ended the legendary career of Benoit. Lashley destroyed Kane. The Undertaker is lying in a pool of blood right now underneath the Fleet Center – and now, under his feet in a crumpled heap is Hulk Hogan.

Lashley moves to pick him up – when Booker T climbs back into the ring.

Book yells at the Executioner – tells him to step off.

Lashley swings – misses. Booker gets in a couple of shots. Booker gets in some shots and goes to the top rope for a Harlem Hangover – which Lashley swats away.

Lashley picks up Book for a Dominator when Lashley is attacked by Porter and Burke, entering from the crowd.

Okay, this is the first time we’ve seen Porter and Burke in the Counterfactual.

Porter is MVP. We’re gonna call him Montel Porter. Burke is Elijah Burke.

As we will establish Porter going forward, we’re gonna borrow from his real life, doing time for whatever thing he did time for. We’re gonna say he found wrestling in jail the way some men find religion. He had his childhood friend, Burke, send him tapes – tapes of Japan, tapes of WWF – and tapes of the NWA where he saw the man he wanted to be like - Booker T of Harlem Heat.

So, he started writing Book letters, knowing Book’s story, himself an ex-con. Book wrote back, said when he gets out to look him up.

Now he’s out. He and Burke have been training together and they want Book’s help to take them to the next level.

They’ll also serve to spur Book on, to remind him who he used to be, to remind him of his days in Harlem Heat, to remind him to get back to the hungry young man he was in the NWA.

We don’t know any of that yet.

All we know is that two guys have just come out of the crowd – and along with Book – the three men are able to drive Executioner Lashley from the ring. Lashley doesn’t bump – but he does back away from the 3 men.

7. Worldwide Championship: HHH-M d. Leviathan
-Leviathan is Batista, who debuted on the first episode of the Camp Angle reality show where Kurt chose the next WWF wrestlers (Brock, Haas, Benjamin) Batista was kicked out for lying about his amateur credentials; he became Flair’s protégée, when the Horsemen were formed in the WWF (along with Benoit/Eddy, and then Chavo, replacing Eddy) Leviathan was the group enforcer. He and Flair won the tag straps, post-Horsemen, at XX, going over Haas and Benjamin. At Survivor Series ’05, he, now under the tutelage of AA, was to be Flair’s last opponent – but they swerved him and formed the 51% Solution with HHH-M.

Leviathan came back this summer for revenge.

He didn’t get it here, with Lashley’s help – the Executioner returning once again to spear Leviathan – Hunter gets the pedigree and the pinfall and keeps his strap.

8.Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship: Ric Flair d. Rey Mysterio
Rey took the 3 belts a year ago at Summer Slam, in Eddy Guerrero’s last match; even then, he and babyface Ric Flair were feuding, Flair always claiming Rey was too small to hold the big belt. As Flair turned heel, the Solution has been unable in its repeated attempts to get the strap from him, Rey defending successfully at every turn.

But not tonight.

The announce sells the angle that Flair’s pride is showing, he is the top ranked wrestler of all time, and even past his prime, at his advanced age – he wants to show he can still compete with the best in the world.

Story of the match is he can’t, not really – Flair is Flair, but Rey is better at every phase of the game – Flair takes as many shortcuts as he can, he is the dirtiest player in the game – but he can’t keep the momentum for more than a couple of minutes at a time – Flair grows desperate, wilting – until finally he waves painfully to the back – Hunter and Lashley enter –

Rey is able to fight off Hunter (it’s not no DQ, these things happen outside the ring, or outside the vision of the official – although, since the Solution controls the company, it’s an open question how much the official wants to see) but he’s overcome by Lashley.

And Flair gets the fall.

And Ric Flair at the age of 129 is the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World.

Lashley, like he did with Benoit at Mania – hits Rey with a Dominator through a table.

The Solution – with both singles belts – pose in the ring – if the fans want to throw debris, that would be fine.

Flair is world champ. Hunter is IC Champ. Tonight – Lashley has taken out the Undertaker, Hogan, and now Mysterio – who will be stretchered from the ring, and as we will learn shelved indefinitely – indefinitely!

The three men stand in the ring with the gold – the fans hurling trash at them – does any man have the solution for The Solution?????

I'll be back, probably at the top of October, to do the build for Survivor Series - which will include the 30 Man Number One Contender Battle Royal!


John DeWolfe said...

"And Ric Flair at the age of 129 is the Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World."

In my best possible Gorilla Monsoon voice, I can only say "Would you stop it!"

I really like the show, as always (I don't think there's a counterfactual PPV out there that isn't as good or, usually, much better than the real life counterpart). But I particularly wanted to pipe up about your offhand comment regarding Ken Kennedy, particularly that you don't get his appeal. I'm in a different boat - I look at him, and I see him as the guy who should be headlining Wrestlemania 25. In a lot of ways his appeal is very similar to the Rock, and the name repeating thing is not really that different from "If you smell..." or "Finally, the Rock has come back...". It's something the crowd can anticipate and can sing along to, allow them to feel more like they're a part of the product. (For that matter, it's no different from the people at concerts who start signing along with the band.)

He's a solid enough wrestler that he won't have many lousy matches and he can be easily carried to great ones. He's got a great look, natural poise, and he just exudes the aura that he is a big deal, no matter what he's doing. I hate to bring it down to intangibles, but that's what it is... it's the "cool factor", "it", "the right stuff", whatever you want to call it. You put Kennedy in the main event, and find the right three or four guys to be up in that chase with him (Matt Hardy is definitely another one, I'm not sure who the rest ought to be), and you can create the next boom cycle on their backs.

jcj said...

I didn't like the Rock either. At no point did I ever believe the Rock was real. He was an entertainer; I never found him credible as a wrestler.

He wasn't a bad worker, and I thought he worked hard. But I wasn't a fan. I prefer Mike Quackenbush, and that's the essence of the Counterfactual. In my world, Mike Quackenbush goes over the Rock.

Your estimation of Kennedy's work is much higher than is mine. I'm not saying he won't get over in the real world, not saying that people won't like him. People like Cena; Cena's drawn money, I'm not denying that.

But I don't feel it; neither the personna, nor the work.

My thoughts about Kennedy are exactly the same. Well, not exactly - I guess, gun to my head, I think Kennedy's a better worker than Cena. But Ken Doane's a better worker than both of them.

I'm gonna disappoint you with Kennedy, my estimation of his work would have to increase exponentially for him to move past the spot I have for he and Cena.

I think Orton's a marginally better worker, and my interest in him as a performer is enough ahead of Cena/Kennedy that he's in line for the push, when I have to pick among this group of guys I'm stuck with going forward.

By and large, I's a bad stretch for me with the company; it's not just that I like the underclass more than the guys on top; it's that I really am thoroughly disinterested with the guys they have on top. There are too many good wrestlers out there for me to care about the guys they want me to care about.

So - long way to say, absent a unexpected spike in workrate, I'm unlikely to make you happy anytime soon, John.

Blogger Template created by Just Blog It