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Triple H, October 2011:

“When I grew up, I hated Hogan. I thought he was terrible and didn’t like to watch him. I was like Punk in a way. I liked the Steamboats and Flairs and the ones that could go. Would I be right in saying that Hogan was the wrong guy to go with, and they should’ve changed directions and gone with Steamboat because he was the better wrestler? Ludicrous.” - Triple H. October, 2011.

Battle Royal 12: Road to Summer Slam 2012-2

Saturday, May 18, 2013


Part 1 is here.

Battle Royal time – stip reminder; winner is the number one contender; last 8 eliminated go into the IC tournament; whomever eliminates first member of Young Money gets the tag title shot.
No one has ever won twice. 

Place your bets.
1.      Tyson Kidd (w/Michael Cole)

2.      PAC

At Mania, Kidd was paired with Gabriel and given Cole as a mouthpiece (Gabriel was the only Empire member left standing).  Reasonable that Cole, after a year with Douchebags, might start to feel his oats a little bit, given his success (and, except for Nemeth) Regal’s lack thereof at Mania.  As Underground starts to disperse over the summer, part of that is Cole taking shots at Empire, Kidd goes along with them – Gabriel largely says nothing. 

PAC, in a mask, debuted in a spot at Mania as GDI’s latest member.  I’m likely to be willing to change his name if he ever works real world, but I don’t like their current choice.  Largely, announce calls him The Man Gravity Forgot, giving room for a name change. 

You’d like 2 minutes of Kidd/Pac, right?

3.      Mistico

This is a surprise entrant; Mistico isn’t on the roster; he lost to Nemeth a year ago in a title match, got beaten down by Underground and went back to Mexico – this return shows how much everyone in the world wants to be in the battle royal with so many title implications.  They get to do spots for two minutes. 

4.      Tyler Black

As mentioned at Mania, Black and Ambrose emerge afterward as the full blown Shield.  The gear, the promos, they don’t attack Underground, it’s not that Underground, prior to right now, has turned on each other at all, there’s just tension and increasing distance.  Shield does their “we fight injustice” rap – which Regal doesn’t understand at all – Black and Kidd don’t work together here, but neither do they work against each other.  Everything should stay fast paced. 

5.      Yoshi Tatsu

Tatsu comes in instantly on PAC’s side, the two of them trying to eliminate Kidd and Mistico and Black battle.  I'm valuing quickness here above all in this stage. 

6.      Kofi Kingston

Kingston and Killings retook at Mania; Killings is still amnesiac crazy person; he tweets based on events from 2011 (wears a black armband for tsunami victims, talks about Super 8).  The ring swarms on Kingston, everyone wants the tag title shot – Kingston has to do some running around, get to the top, duck out of the way to miss a Black kick that instead catches Kidd – its designed to show everyone wants the tag title and to get Kingston a specific spot.  Look how he avoids everyone! The early speed of the first entrants, besides being unlike a normal battle royal, sets up Kingston doing this "nobody can catch Kofi Kingston" spot. Black and Kidd do some shoving as this stage of the battle royal ends and everything slows down. 

7.      Darren Young

The Prime Time Players (TPTP) emerge after Mania doing their act.  Did you see Hollywood Shuffle?  It’s a sendup of African-American entertainment tropes – I’d like to do that here, one promo O’Neill can be the wise black man with vaguely mystical powers – the next, Young can be the powerful hip hop mogul with a secret.  I mean, I don’t want them in the ring much, so they can do comedy when I have to use them.  They start calling themselves Tyler Perry Presents The Prime Time Players (TPPTPTP). Yes, it's just for that joke, yes.  And that joke's enough that I'll keep them in the background with Santino even when I don't need to use them.

8.      Damien Sandow

Sure are a lot of people in the ring.  Sandow has been in developmental, part of the next wave of Underground ready to hit WWF.  He does his smarter than you gimmick and becomes the new leader of the Douchebags.

9.      Kane

Kane and not PAUL is the member of DMW invited to compete – this has pissed PAUL off and its been part of the build.  DMW didn’t get a Mania slot, that’s pissed PAUL off and its been part of this build.  (30 Kingston, by Kane).  Kane gets the title shot for DMW by taking out Kofi, so that element of the battle royal ends here. 

10.  Heath Slater

Sandow shows his Douchebags leadership by directing Slater; they battle Kane.  Tatsu battles Young.  Mistico battles Kidd and PAC battles Black. 

11.  Cody Rhodes

-Defiance dropped to Young Money at Mania; they talked openly about how their rematch shouldn’t be up for grabs in this event, feeling victimized in the way Defiance does – and now that Kingston has already been eliminated Cody is clearly heated as he gets into the ring and starts lighting into Douchebags and Kane. 

12.  Sheamus(w/Regal)

11 guys in the ring is too many; you’ll note Underground is half the ring – so when Regal hits ringside he claps his hands and the unit comes together. 

(29 – Tatsu, by Underground)

(28 – Young, by Underground)

(27 – Rhodes, by Underground)

13.  Justin Gabriel

Gabriel means 6 members of Underground out of 9 total in the ring. 

(26 – Kane, by Underground)

 Pac and Mistico now fight for their lives; announce notes that Pac and Kidd are approaching half an hour.  Announce notes that Underground is still unstoppable when they are tight, and no one can keep a squad together like Regal.

14.  Primo Colon

15.  @TruthKills

Colon and Killings go aggressive as soon as they hit the ring, just trying to punch their way out of the swarm of guys who are upon them.  Mistico and Pac hit a double team maneuver on Black and have him ready to go – Kidd, at Regal’s order, goes to aid Black.  Douchebags have Colon ready to go.

16.  Dean Ambrose

He hits the ring with Cole, on the outside, directing him to aid Douchebags, who are on the entry side of the ring, in taking out Colon – Ambrose ignores him and goes to the opposite side of the ring to aid Black, clearly walking right past Douchebags without paying them any mind a all. 

(25 – Mistico, by Shield/Kidd)

While on the other side of the ring

(24 – Slater, by Colon/Killings)

(23-Colon, by Sandow/Sheamus – Sheamus noticed Ambrose didn’t help, saw the result, and came in to aid Sandow)

(22-Killings, by Sandow/Sheamus)

Simultaneously…

(21 – Kidd, by Shield – and when Gabriel comes to yell about that -)

(20 – Gabriel, by Shield)


17.  Nick Nemeth

So – see where we are.  The Shield on one side of the ring, Sandow/Sheamus on the other, and Nemeth, the de facto leader entering – Sheamus and Nemeth get right up into the Shield, screaming right into their faces, taking advantage is Pac (19 – Sandow, by Pac).  Regal gets on the apron at that point, just furious – pointing at Pac.  That rallies the troops. (18 – Pac, by Underground)

18.  Chris Jericho

Let’s talk Jericho.  He moved from Y2J to JerichoDark (like Raven) to The Lizard King (strung out Jim Morrison) to The Champ (the suit wearing recent incarnation)

Losing to Danielson at Mania, definitively, to a better, younger man, ends that gimmick.  What comes next?

It’s Jericho’s first appearance since Mania, and he comes to the ring in the suit, looking like he hasn’t taken it off since Mania.  Shirt untucked, tie undone. He’s got a thousand yard stare and just wanders into the ring, taking his entire two minute period to get to ringside.

19.  Zach Ryder

Ryder is right behind Jericho by the time he gets to the ring, he sneaks, he looks to wait until Jericho steps in before throwing him out. Ryder's walking right behind; Jericho seems to have no idea where he is, but when he steps into the ring, and Ryder then immediately gets in, throwing a clothesline designed to catch Jericho – Jericho drops to the mat (ideally, not looking like he’s avoiding Ryder, looking like he’s just falling down at exactly the right time) and the momentum propels Ryder back over the ropes. (17-Ryder, himself)

Jericho stays on the mat, curls up, he may be asleep.  Once they eliminated Pac, the Shield tried then to take out both Sheamus and Nemeth –that coup was unsuccessful and led to a full brawl, Underground exploding into a full on brawl, so they missed the entire Jericho scene – but the four men come to a dead stop when the next music hits.   

20.  CM Punk (w/Steamboat)

The four members of Underground ready, planting themselves in the ring – Jericho is asleep, Punk loves it, broad smile, he points at Heyman as he gets to ringside (JR/Joey/Heyman all on the announce, Heyman has had to eat it from his colleagues in the aftermath of Mania; Paul has not taken it with good humor and he stops talking completely as Punk enters – also at ringside is Danielson, the champ always watches the Battle Royal; Steamboat, of course, has his now customary white towel over his shoulder as he walks down the aisle). Punk briefly jaws with Regal on the outside, pointing at the four guys in the ring “just 4 on 1, Steve – you don’t have enough meat”.  Punk enters, waves Underground over and they pounce. 

21.  Chris Hero

It’s just 4:1 for like 30 seconds, Hero is next and he sprints to the ring to make it 4 on 2.  Jericho sleeps. 

22.  Roman Reigns Uso

Reigns, whom we saw at Mania, makes his way slowly to the ring – steps in and joins GDI, going in hard after the Shield, allowing Hero/Punk to focus on Nemeth/Sheamus. Jericho sleeps.

23.  John Cena

Cena goes right after Punk, they brawl; Hero looks like he’s about to go, and that causes the Shield to join Nemeth/Sheamus – Reigns joins too, as Hero nears extinction.  Jericho sleeps.

24.  Claudio Castagnoli

Claudio comes in hot to save his partner, everyone eats uppercuts; the Kings are able to gain an advantage on The Shield, and when each man is about to go – Nemeth and Sheamus aid in the elimination (16 –Ambrose, 15-Black, by KOW and Nemeth/Sheamus). The Shield ignores Regal as they exit. 

25.  Ryback

Now we see everyone paired off.  It’s a Couples Skate.  Ryback and Reigns.  Cena and Punk. Claudio and Nemeth.  Hero and Sheamus.  Jericho now stands and starts wandering around the ring. 

26.  Randy Orton

Orton hits the ring and is instantly tossed out by Jericho, who then falls back to the canvas, seemingly asleep.  Orton’s disbelieving (14) - he didn't even notice Jericho, who knew Jericho was even in the goddamn battle royal.  Where the hell is Cody - how did Defiance wind up entirely out of Summer Slam?

27.  Santino

Santino, with his superconfidence when he hits the ring, joins Ryback and the two eliminate Reigns (13)

Ryback then punishes Santino for several minutes. 

28.  Titus O’Neill

From TPPTPTP (TPPTPTP Featuring Titus O'Neill TPPTPTPFTON, that's the step they take just before they break up and feud, remind me of that in a year)– he enters and takes a quick shot from Ryback, Sheamus and Nemeth battle the Kings, Punk v. Cena, Jericho is sleep.  10 in the ring, 2 left. 

29.  The Miz

Miz comes in and starts stomping on Jericho – stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp – just really stomping out what appears to be a defenseless Jericho – Ryback is just about to push O’Neill out…who is number 30?

30.  Rey Mysterio

The legendary Mysterio returns – he enters with a highspot that gets Ryback off of O’Neill, and the two of them, with help of Santino, eliminate the big man (12 Ryback), Santino looks to celebrate, but Mysterio and O’Neill toss him out (11), Miz sees the advantage and leaves Jericho to push out O’Neill (10 – and that means that everyone left should either be in the IC tournament or taking on Danielson….he says, note, …should be…) and even though Jericho looked to not even be aware, not even conscious of the stomping he was taking by Miz, he pops up when Miz is unaware and throws him over the top rope (9)….Punk wins his battle with Cena (8)…

7 men left.

The two triple crown winners, Jericho and Mysterio, go nose to nose. 

The 3 members of GDI, Punk/Hero/Claudio go nose to nose with the two members of Underground, Nemeth/Sheamus.  Everything pauses for a moment, we let the anticipation build – and then everyone starts throwing hands – except Punk who makes a beeline for the Jericho/Rey pairing and clotheslines each of them over the top (7) Jericho (6) Rey

Punk has eliminated both triple crown winners and points at Heyman, who, much like at Mania, has removed his headset and is now standing up. 

While Punk does that, (5) Hero, by Nemeth, (4) Claudio, by Sheamus.

And just like that, it’s 2 on 1.

The sequence is as long as TV time allows, it’s the standard two heels/one babyface finish – against all odds, Punk beats them (3) Nemeth (2) Sheamus.

CM Punk has won the Battle Royal.  CM Punk is the first ever two time winner.  CM Punk – as everyone now fully realizes, is the number one contender for Bryan Danielson’s WWF Championship.  It's all happening.

But it's not. 

 Heyman starts to clap.  A sarcastic clap.  Clap.  Clap. 

 Because he knows what’s coming.  And probably you do too.

Brock Lesnar’s music hits.
And the former UFC Champion emerges. 

He hits the ring, he double legs Punk, he busts him open hardway, he F5s him and he tosses him over the top rope.

Crowd reacts as it does – Heyman laughs and laughs – Steamboat goes to Punk’s aid – and Danielson, at ringside, stands, maybe a little stunned as he sees that monster, that undeniable freak of nature Brock Lesnar, in the WWF ring. 

What will happen?  See you in July for a fairly brief conclusion to the Road to Summer Slam 2012. 

1 comment

Booyaka said...

So....did Lesnar win? Or did Punk win, and then Heyman had Lesnar beat the shit out of him?

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